Tuesday, 30 December 2008

• Genuine Hostility? Or Pathetic Way of Keeping Me in His Life?

  This is a guest blog submitted by Riot_Grl19.
  

  More often than not, I find myself astonished at the idiocy of how some people deal with certain situations that life throws at them - of course, I'm not perfect by any means (in fact, the following story proves this)...but in some instances, it's hard to see any use of common sense in a person's decision whatsoever. The most frequent reason that our common sense gets the backseat while insanity gets shotgun? When the sneaky and ever powerful heart decides to throw a monkey wrench into our brain's logic...RELATIONSHIPS!

  My own case of heart induced stupidity began way back at the beginning of May, when I unexpectedly met an adorably funny and cute guy that I immediately fell head-over-heels for. Actually, thinking back on it now, I didn't just fall for him...I did a full-on FACEPLANT. Unfortunately for me, he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was upfront about not wanting a relationship "right now". While my brain screamed that he was leading me on, my heart just couldn't imagine ending things so soon. For a month, we would hang out/hook up and Facebook the bejeezus out of each other.
  

  He even initiated text conversations almost every day that would last long periods of time. I was naive and very inexperienced with boys and relationships at the time, so I felt like I had hit the jackpot - not only would he tell me how beautiful I was or discuss future dates, but he always would text me, asking if I missed him or how he could help make my bad week better. However, it was when he left for a week-long vacation that things came crashing down.

  He had mentioned to me that his ex was still in love with him, but I never dreamed that it would lead to her best friend calling me out on Facebook, of all places, for being a "skank." Well, because I liked him enough to not want to alienate his friends, I messaged her and told her what a far-fetched view she had of me and how I hoped to meet her one day to prove that I was a decent girl. This was the beginning of many interesting messages, to say the least, which opened my eyes to the fact that this guy had been telling his ex and her friend what a "dumb mistake" I was and claimed that I tried to contact him all the time even though he refused to respond.
  

  Another gem? Apparently, he and his ex were still hooking up and therefore, "somewhat involved." I was upset beyond reason and we exchanged several angry text messages before he began to ignore me altogether. So imagine my surprise when he returned home and pretended that nothing was wrong! Now I was not only upset, but confused as well. Because I had always been close with his guy friends as well, I began hanging out with them and venting my frustration - get ready for my moment of extreme stupidity - and in a moment of drunken sadness and vulnerability, I ended up hooking up with his best friend. Now I know how awful this sounds, and I get a lot of crap from my guy friends about how I supposedly did it "for revenge," etc. But this was not the only tough thing going on in my life at the time and I simply got drunk and wanted to feel cared about - I even resisted before giving in, OK?! This had much more to do with low self-esteem than revenge.

  Let's just say that this is where the shit definitely hit the fan...at FULL speed. His best friend wasted no time in bragging about my moment of weakness to him, and I got a text that day in which he claimed he couldn't be friends with me, not for hooking up with his BFF, but for venting about him. Huh? In my shock, I ended up sending him a long apology letter that explained how upset he had made me feel and how much I truly cared about him. Not only was I ignored, but he began to blatantly insult me on our mutual friends' Facebook walls.
  

  After realizing that it was irreparable, I began the long and treacherous quest to move on - unfortunately, it's a lot harder to move on when the guy is still harrassing you at every opportunity. For four long months, I was faced with prank phone calls (sometimes at 2 a.m.), nasty text messages, insulting wall posts (on mutual friends' walls), convincing our mutual friend that I talked behind her back, telling people I had "mental problems" or that I was a "whore," creating degrading nicknames for me, even going so far as to pose as another person to talk to me online! All while we both saw other people. Though I fought back several times, tried to be nice, ignored him and yet he continued this harrassment until I finally gave him an ultimatum: either meet with me to discuss our problems or have me get a restraining order.

  A couple months of silence later, we ran into each other at several parties and have resumed a tentative friendship. I haven't forgotten how hurtful he was, but I also can't seem to shake this feeling that he goes out of his way to get me to notice him. I often find him staring at me from across the room or purposefully hanging out with me to joke around and teasing me about my (now ex-) boyfriend. He even loudly cheered for me during a game and has gotten into a fight with his ex about me at a party! I don't understand it! Is this a classic case of elementary school flirting, where hitting someone was a sign that they liked you? Or the Pride and Prejudice story of two people's hatred for one another becoming something much more?

  Have you ever claimed to despise someone so intensely, but still find yourself going out of your way to make them notice you? Do you think his repulsive antics were the result of caring about me much more than he let on? Or is he simply an immature psychopath? 
  

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