This is a guest blog submitted by HermeticOne.We live in a time where e-dating is becoming pretty popular. Facebook is littered with ads for dating sites. Companies like eHarmony and match.com actually advertise on TV for their services, projecting taglines like, "let us look for you."
Really? Look
for me? No thanks. I just don't see that ending well.
I mean, no offense to the people out there who have tried it and done well, but I don't think it would be for me. Even if I did meet someone online, how do I know what they are really like to talk to? I've known lots of girls who were awesome on the internet; we could talk for hours and they'd be funny, witty, etc., but in person they would be awkward and would clam up. I am not a shy person, and I like to think that I'm the same online as I am in real life. So it's weird for me to think that someone would project this outgoing persona on the web, but be so introverted in person. That is probably one of the biggest no-no's about online dating for me. You don't know what they are really like.
When you meet someone in person, you can get a vibe from them through their words, mannerisms, etc. Online, you are completely blinded. You can still get a feel for their personality, but how do you know they aren't a klepto or something?
I think that people kind of create a persona for themself on the internet. Most social networking sites make you pick out a picture and fill in your interests, and we're all guilty of choosing that one picture that we feel hides our flaws the best, so it's like a facade that we create, something to hide behind. With that in mind, how can I rightly try to pursue a relationship with someone I met on the internet, when people can and do project a different personality? I'm not really getting to know them; I'm getting to know the person they want me to think they are. I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong about online dating sites. But I personally have never met anyone that met their significant other online, so it can't be too great.
What kind of vibe do you give off when you're on the internet? Do you think it's close to your actual personality?
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Comments (45)
I think my personality translates very well when I'm online. There's no reason for me to lie about myself.
I'm not so sure if I would go the on-line dating route for a serious relationship though. I have met a couple dates through Facebook, but none of them turned out to be anything more than just a date.
One of my closest friends met her husband online however, and they've been happily married for about 6 years now. So it does work, but it's just like any other relationship - both people have to click and want to make it work.
My real personality is who I am in real life. What's the point in lying about who I am just because I'm on the internet?
In person, I often take a little time to warm up to someone - it's a little easier to online.
AHAHA
hahaha
hahahahahaha
I'm not laughing at the post, but I'm laughing about the awesome Dr. Evil quote in your about me section XD
Anyways yeah I agree with you...all this online dating crap is stupid. No internet dating site can truly find the person that I would like to date. There's nothing like going out and finding that person yourself. And also I'm the same in person as I am online. I wouldnt lie about myself, why would I?
I've never really considered online dating. I think it's ok for people who who just don't have the opportunity to meet other people in a normal setting and if you happen to fall for someone online then whatever that's alright too. I just feel like you should at least try dating before going online.There are plenty of people who meet their significant other in person and either become friends or go on a date right away. If it worked for them (and that's a lot of people) then it can work for you.
I work hard to make my personality and mannerisms the same irl as they are on the internet. One statement you made caught my eye though- about how people can be witty and funny online, but clam up in real life. I am that way, but only for the first few meetups. I am a very shy person, but the wit is still there. It's just I don't feel comfortable in someone's presence quite yet. Does that make sense?
Im the same online and offline
why give them a false image? they might get disappointed in the end
So I try to be real as real as can be
This is me, hate me or love me
Its your choice
You won't really know what's it all about if you've never given it a try. Right now, you're just looking at it from a spectator's point-of-view and what good is that really?
I'm the same person all around. except I'm a bit quiet at first when i meet someone in person...I think i do so because online its easier...with a click of a button (block), i never have to talk to that person...EVER but in real life its a bit harder to do so because that person has seen you, heard you, whatever. I guess I take a bit of time to see if I can open up and be random to a person.=P
I think I give the same vibe both off and on the computer.
@hyungjoo87@xanga - Lol, same with me.
You've got this backwards my friend.
People are their true selves when no one is looking. So the online persona you think they're 'faking' is actually who they really are. It's around OTHER people that they act differently.
I'm more shy in person.
meh...online dating is a good intro option. Talking on the phone is a good next step, so you get more input than online can give you, like vocal tone changes and betraying pauses. Then you meet in public and see the package with facial expressions and telling body language, hopefully not just the shallow body display.
Some of us don't have many good ways to meet unmarried people in our peer groups, so online dating is a good option.
When I meet my online interests, they always end up just blurting out, "You're so much YOUNGER in person!" I even had one insist that I change my profile pic to one he thought was more indicative of who I seemed to be from his view (it was flattering, but not all will see me that way).
I've met some wonderful people that way; but not the right one - yet.
when i think of online dating i think of finding someone with the same interests and then meeting up in person very soon after. i don't really see it as people just talking online for months. i don't know how it is where you're from but at least in NY it's very hard to meet people (believe it or not) with the same interests, and that's why online dating has been such a hit. unless you're in college or you go to church or you join a gym the only people you're going to know are your co-workers. and unless you're going to bars all the time and very forward and open to approaching people, it's a challenge to meet others.
i don't know that you can really give off much of a vibe on the internet, or an accurate one at least. everyone reads and understands things differently so if i'm talking to someone on AIM the vibe is the one that i want to get or i think i'm getting, in other words it's inaccurate. as for what i send out, i act myself, but how the other person "sees" me or "hears" me if they have never met me in person is a whole different story.
How I am online is the same I am in person. I may be a bit more shy but I open up in no time at all.
I've never been on an actual dating site but I have met guys and dated guys with the help of MySpace and HotorNot. HotorNot is actually were I meet my current boyfriend. I didn't join any of these sites to meet and date guys though, it just kinda happened.
I don't think I'd every use eHarmony, LavaLife, PlentyofFish etc. cause some of them cost money and I know I'm capable of finding someone for myself if I ever have to look again. I've had more success with meeting interesting guys online then I have in person.
Whatever floats your boat though!
I'm much quieter in person than online, at least initially. I write a lot and think a lot, but I tend to express it in a journal or on one of my blogs. But with my closest friends, I'm also very expressive. It's just that first time meeting and getting to know people where I'm a little bit reserved.
I don't really see myself using an online dating site. (Who wants to pay to meet the person of their dreams?) Meeting someone online doesn't seem all that bad though, but I would keep it at that--meeting. For me, I still have to have that get-together and exchange in person for the same amount of time as I would someone I met 'normally', and that's when I really start to call it 'dating'.
With the subject being about online dating. I'll just say, good luck.
A lot of people who use online dating are going out on dates with the people they chat with early on and getting to know them in person for the very reason you suggest - people can be different online and you never know what you're getting until you meet the person. And as long as you meet in a public place and make sure someone knows where you're going and who with, it's relatively safe even if you haven't talked to the person much beforehand. Online dating eventually has to move off screen though, so you will get to know the person in person at some point and I say the sooner the better. I just think it's a poor excuse to dismiss online dating.
I think society has to put too much of a negativity on internet dating. It's not as bad what it seems.
Also, I would suggest taking baby steps on it. Talk on IM for a while, move to the phone, and then meeting up in person. Get to know each other for a while and ask question. You can't judge someone for being shy on the first meeting/date. It's just a natural defense mechanism. Relax and give them time, they'll loosen up. Besides, meeting someone in person for the first time, can put up more dangers. You don't really know the person either way. You don't know their ambition, if they drink, if they're in school getting a degree or living at their mum's. At least in online dating, those details are listed. Also, with the pictures, I like to thing that with each picture there is a part of us that is shown.
I think its close to our personality, but you will never know unless you spend time with the person just like in real life. Even meeting people out off the internet, sometimes they're just as fake.
I tend to be just how I am off the computer. Sometimes shy, stubborn, funny, and smart.
Online - it's easier for me to warm up to people and actually talk to them. In reality - I'm not a very talkative person if I don't you well. But I have to say, my personality stays the same. I don't try to be someone I'm not online.
A while back, I met a guy online and we chatted everyday on MSN. When we web cam and actually spoke to one another through our microphones, it wasn't as great as I thought it would be. He was more quiet on the other side while I tried to hold a decent conversation with him. Blllaahhh.
Though online dating works for others, I wouldn't want to date a person until I met them in real life and see how it goes from there.
I don't know what vibe I give off on the Internet... probably carefree and funny, nice and something? I mean in real life I am nice, at least I like to believe so but I'm not all that outgoing. I'm actually afraid to talk to people for fear of rejection and what they will think of me so I play the safer route. But as for online dating, not for me even if I were outgoing. I don't trust it.
Who's to say I won't meet some guy who seems decent but is really serial rapist, stalker, kidnapper, killer, etc.? That's a perfect way of getting yourself killed if you ask me. Besides, I got lucky and met my SO on a school bus back in high school and we're still together a year and a half after my graduation. So screw eHarmony and Match.com; I found my man on a darn school bus!
I feel I give off the same vibe on and offline. Some people on xanga have described me as being a nice, friendly, sociable, fun guy, so I would like to think I'm that way in real life as well haha.
I do know what you mean though. Sometimes it's hard to judge how someone is online and when you meet them in person. A lot of little things go unnoticed online, such as a person's body language.
I've met guys through friends, coworkers, clubs, bars, and even online. I don't have a certain place where I meet guys. And if I'm on an online dating website, my personality will show through my profile. There's no need to lie. It's a waste of time, on my part.
Online dating could work if you're serious about it and you rule out the psychos. Email back and forth, talk on the phone and see if there's anything that could be friendship or more. Meet up in person to see if the interest is still there. If nothing great happens, friendship is still made. Maybe they have friends whom you might find interesting.
i've actually had the opposite experience...people that i thought were very articulate and intelligent-sounding in real life didn't say much online...i don't know if they just didn't express themselves in writing very well or if they were bad at typing or what...
i don't think i could date someone i met online, but i've never tried it so i don't know. the thing about the internet is that you just never know who the people you're talking to are. you might think that they're nice, normal people, but they could be freaky perverts who do a good job of lying. i guess that's kind of old-fashioned of me, but it's the truth. i can get a better vibe from a person seeing them in person.
also, there's a lot of communication besides words. there's voice tone, eye contact, body language, etc. i personally hate talking online because it's very hard to convey sarcasm.
i guess my advice would be to be careful if you are going to date someone you meet online.