Tuesday, 30 December 2008
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I Freeze Up Around My Crush
This is a guest blog submitted by klutz.
It all started when I took a shortcut to one of my classes . . . I saw him; he shined brighter than the sun itself. He walked with flair and looked like an Urban Outfitters model. Ever since that moment, I've been taking that shortcut just to see him - even the smallest glimpse of him made my day.I'd daydream about him in class all day. One of my friends invited me to eat lunch with her after 4th period; I agreed to join her, and who did I see? Him. I started to get nervous and my friend introduced me to him as her brother. I stood there looking at both of them surprised - why hadn't I seen it before? Because they were fraternal twins. I couldn't believe it; he was there just a few inches away from me. Do something, I thought. Anything.
When I finally thought of something to say, what did I come up with? "Wow, your shoes are really white and shiny." Anything but that! Fortunately, he laughed and said they were brand new. I kept eating lunch with their group for a few weeks, learning tidbits of information about him. I later found out he was also intelligent, kind and funny. What more could I ask for? I fell for him.
I decided to stop visiting them because I was afraid he would find out and reject me in front of everyone, so I kept my distance.
I still see him every day, right after third period. I always try to think of something to say, but right when he passes by, I freeze up and by the time I can speak again, he's gone. I don't want to end up looking like a fool like I always do. Plus, I'm scared of rejection and what everyone else would think. Some might think he's too good for me, others might think I am too immature to be in a relationship - anything is possible.
Usually, after third period, he walks with a girl with a bright blue backpack. I can't say that I'm surprised - lots of girls think he's cute and briefly talk to him. But from the looks of it, he and Blue Backpack Girl actually have conversations! Every morning, I watch them head over to their next classes, chatting about who knows what.
Even though I see this daily, I still feel weird. I know I shouldn't feel this way; I mean, I could talk to him if I wanted to. I just can't find the right moment or right words to say.
How do I start an interesting conversation with him?
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Comments (61)
The boy I liked came up to me and I ran away. Im 22 years old and I ran away from a guy. I clearly have problems. So I have yet to figure out how to talk to a guy. How sad. This is probably why I am single.Â
I can totally relate to you!! I was like this around my very first crush and I felt so embarassed that I couldn't hide my blushing or freezing up, and I would barely say a word around him because I was so nervous! And I was soo afraid of rejection, which held me back big time.
Something that helped me out was getting used to talking to guys in general, then realizing that my crush (as much as I liked him) was just another guy. With practice my nerves disappeared, and now I have no problems talking to people I have crushes on at all. Practice makes perfect! Best of luck!
Do your best to talk to him like he's just someone you want to be a friend to. I know I have similar problems because I overthink every single action or word spoken in such situations. Am I talking too much, what will he think, do I want to portray this, what about this, let's not show too much interest.....
It's hard, but don't overthink it. Best put yourself in some situation where thinking about your conversation isn't the main attraction. Give yourself some other more prominent distraction. Something else to focus on, then the overthinking of interaction with the boy goes away, for me at least.
Good luck! :)
fake it! I mean, be yourself around him, but fake out your own mind be being confident and friendly toward him. If you start feeling nervous, just tell yourself that this is totally normal and that you're 'cool' with it. You'll get to talk to him and who knows where it may lead.
It's not so much an issue of an interesting conversation as it should be one of having a conversation at all. A guy isn't going to like a girl just because they can provide an interesting talk, though it is a plus. I say you should start sitting with them again. You are only hurting yourself by trying to distance yourself from him, and obviously being around him is what you want. It sounds like you are in high school still. Take it from me, I've been out of high school almost three years now. High school is probably four of the most fun years you will ever have, so don't waste any time and don't have any regrets. If you want him, go get him! Who cares what people think? Besides, guys like a girl who makes the first move and shows she's interested.
Use little information about him that you learn from eating lunch from their group to start a conversation with him. If you didn't get any of that, just go up to him and said, "Hi. How's it going?" I'm sure something would come up after that. Or compliment him on his hair, his outfit, whatever.. just to start a conversation with him. If he's really intelligent, kind, and funny - he wouldn't brush you off right away.
Coming up with what to say is the easy part - actually doing it is what's hard.
Do you know what he has for 3rd period? Ask him about his class, where he's going next. Leave hints that are obvious enough for him to pick up. If he's your friends brother, hang out with your friend, or tell him you're hanging out with his sister, but that you really hope you see him there too.
I have never had a problem coming up with something to say - I just never can say it exactly how I imagined I would say it.
Even if you stumble with your words, don't worry. It's important to care what people think to a certain extent, but what do you really have to lose? Also, talk to your friend about this? She may or may not be able to help you, but it's better than you making yourself unknown the whole year.
In the end - even if you get rejected - you can stop wasting your time wondering and get a real answer and move on - or get what you want and enjoy it. Just do something about it either way.
Just..loosen up lol..freeze..hahahaha, i used to do that..and then it gets aawwwwwwkward
Just say HI!!!!!!
Think of a few topics to talk about, and go from there. Let the conversation flow, and pick up pieces of info from his responses to carry it on, if possible.
If the conversation begins to dwindle, and you seem to be running out of ideas, say bye!
Hard?
"Wow, your shoes are really white and shiny."
Haha that's awesome.
What I do is look for a flaw in the person - like if one eye is bigger than the other or if they break out or something. That humanizes them, and then I'm not nervous around them anymore.
Just start off slow. Smile and wave at him. Then maybe start commenting on something. The shoes was a good thing, but it's always good to carry a conversation on. For instance your first encounter could have gone like this:
you:"your shoes are really white and bright"
him:"that's because they're new"
you:"I love new shoes.They smell good."
or
"I love shoe's/shoe shopping."
or
"I need to buy some new shoe's. Where'd you get yours? Know any good places?"
or
"I can never find shoe's I really like"
It doesn't really matter what you say, but things like this will keep the conversation going. Just be yourself and don't worry too much about it.
I used to have a problem very similar to this. Except when I did talk to him or say hi or something I would get the shakes. hahaha. it was great. I once spent the whole day deciding how I could invite him to my birthday party, and on my journey to my next class I knew I would see him. I told myself I wouldn't do it because I was too chicken. Then out of NOWHERE the words came out "I'm having a birthday party at the beach on Saturday. You should come" and alas I had done it. And he said he'd surely try and make it. I couldn't concentrate in my next class but it was worth it.
So don't be afraid. Be brave. So one day you can tell us about your success or not so succesful stories. It's fun. I swear. And you never know what could happen.
:]
wow.....no thanks i have cupid on my side
Start off with something simple.
"Hey, what's up? / Hii, what class are you heading to?"
"Weather's nice today, isn't it?" [Lame one. >.>]
Loosen up a bit, and work your way from there. And even if you make a fool of yourself, it might be cute. A friend of mine [a boy] told me it's cute when girls do that. I dunno if it's true . . . -.-;
I hope I helped a bit. D: Lucks ~ :D
don't let that other girl beat you... time to step up!
just talk to him like you'd talk to a friend and you'll be fine. Don't put him on a pedestal - that's the most important part.
Say hi and ask him about anything...his classes, what he listens to, watches, etc....simple but not lame things.
John@xanga.com actually has a pretty good idea...ask his sister (your friend) about an embarrassing story or something so you won't see him as "the sun" and as a real person that you can talk to. The more you stay "dazed" around him the more he's going to think that you are weird and not interested. Take the "jump" :)
OMG, I'm totally the same exact way!
Normal. Anyone who doesn't freeze doesn't have a pulse.
There are no set topics or questions to ask. If there were, then all humans would communicate flawlessly, and there'd never be this discussion.
Rejection, nervousness, being unsure...these are all part of growing up. Even when we're adults, we're going to have to handle tense, unpredictable, embarrassing, and awkward situations.
Strike up a convo first by saying "HI." Not that hard, right? Then casually go on to what's up? How was your day so far? Anything Interesting happened? What's new? There are thousands of questions you can ask to strike up an interesting conversation as long as you're not afraid to ask them. From there on, one thing will lead on to another. Try to pick up on things he's actually passionate about. Most guys I know would be chatter boxes when it comes to cars, computers, games, and animation. Take the hint and ask him more about his interest. Then, see where it goes. G'Lucks =)
@john@xanga - I agree. That's what I do when my crush and I come face to face. It reminds me that they're only human, they're gods only in our heads!!! haha but anyway, good luck, just make sure you do talk to him somehow, you shouldnt let too much time pass!
@john@xanga - hahah..that's a good one. Yep, he's just a guy--no more, no less. Treat him like you would anyone else. Only when we start idolizing other people then do we lose our self-confidence and sense of self-worth. So instead of focusing on how cute or intelligent he is or how he sees you, try to get to know him. There's a human underneath that thin skin and pretty face.
Wow, I have the same exact problem.
I realize that I have an easier time being genuinely funny and cool around girls i have no interest in.
And then I end up being totally serious and uncool when a girl that I may have a thing for come around. ha, its kinda funny.
But your in a hard position because your the girl.
But what if He can't find the right things to say to you?
I'm with John, finding a flaw can calm you down, just don't focus too much on it or you'll get disinterested in him.
I wouldn't put too much attention to what you say to him. I blurt things out like that all the time, you just got to laugh it off with him. Since he's so fashionable, talk to him about it. Or whatever interest he has presented when you guys had lunch together. Try asking the sister if she's a good friend.
Take it step by step as others has suggested.
I had a crush on some guy in sixth grade but I never said anything because of fear. Then, my now best friend leaked it out for the whole class to know and I never lived it down. Of course someone told me that he felt the same way but I never believed it because I didn't know whether it was true or if it was someone trying to hurt me even more. At that point in time he was good looking, but looking back on it now I really don't know what I saw in that guy.
But I digress and I've only just begun! I say get ballsy and confess. You might get rejected but better to know what could or couldn't happen than to never find out and wonder "What if...?" for the rest of your life and regret it. But I certainly wouldn't blame you if chose never to admit your feelings to him. That is the path I chose with the guy I had a crush on, but I don't think I really regret it though. But that is just me. You do what you feel is best for you.
@Lizbeth8207@xanga - I am the same way when it comes to a crush. I overanalyze everything and drive myself and my friends crazy. And it never works out in the end.Â
Ah.
Usually I just go up the guy and say, "Hi!".
I'm soooo serious.
Or I'll say, "Hey; I haven't seen you around the school this much before. What grade are you in?" (Which obviously won't work for you, being that you already know this. lol)
For the most part, the first one works. He'll probably say hi back, and a conversation will usually stem out. Just flirt a lil bit and work your charm. Oh, and act really really really confident; but not cocky. (:
G'luck!