Tuesday, 30 December 2008
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He Said "I Love You" And I Didn't Say It Back
This is a guest blog submitted by nhoust2.
Jesus and I started dating while we were high school seniors in 2004. We had very little in common besides our mutual attraction towards each other; he was a gamer and I focused on academics. Over the years, we have never actually fought. We actually ended up breaking up about two years after we started dating because we were going in two different directions in our lives. I was pursuing my Bachelor's while he was bumming on his mom's couch playing video games. We would send each other the occasional text message and would platonically hang out.Let’s fast forward to this summer. I was ending a relationship with another guy when Jesus and I ended up hanging out more. He was off his mom's couch, on his own, and was working full time and I was wrapping up my degree. He and I both weren't ready for a relationship and started a FWB relationship instead. Since this past summer, we'd see each other about once a week when our schedules permitted. Everything was great until this weekend.
This was the first time Jesus had ever come over to my house since we always ended up over at his house to hang out. We had a great time watching movies and talking. While we were talking, he ended up telling me that he really liked spending time with me that loved me. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that the words "I love you" came out of his mouth.When we dated before, we exchanged those words, but this time, it was different. We weren't in a relationship and I didn't feel the same way as I did before and I didn't say it back. I could tell it hurt his feelings since he was tight-lipped for the rest of the day.
So should I have lied and said it back?
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About the Author
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- From: LadyofIlluminati@xanga
- About Me: I'm Nina. Currently working on my Masters. I'm taking the road less traveled when it comes to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. Got Jesus in the driver's seat and I'm riding shot gun!
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Comments (57)
Lying would have been worse. If you don't feel the same way there's no use trying to force the feelings.
through bad and good dont lie k ^^
makes things bad for u and him if u do
ive been through tht situation before but all he can do is respect ur desision and path u choose
x jc x
I think honesty is the best policy...do u like him? do u feel the same way? Maybe u can talk to him about what it meant to you?
No. You NEVER FUCKING LIE about that. Ever. I don't care.
Maybe, *maybe* if he had a knife to your throat, then you could lie. But until you are in physical danger, you should never do that to someone.
Lying definitely isn't the way to go. I suggest talking to him about exactly how you feel right now, which will allow him to maybe understand where you're coming from.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I'm guessing you've unfortunately had someone do that to you?
I don't think he was upset that you didn't say it, so much as you didn't feel it..cuz it shows.
I've been in a relationship where my boyfriend never replied me with "I love you." He says it's "too special to be used lightly" so he never used it. He had only used it on the following; McDonald's, my a$$, Gundam toys etc. It hurt more when he said it by accident and didn't mean it.
It hurts for him to not reply me with "I love you too," but if the guy cares enough for you, he'd be patient enough to love you until you feel the same way...or give you space when you want to just push him away.
Well, in the end, the guy never loved me back, as he only loved his ex girlfriend before me... but I found someone a trillion times better anyway.
Goodluck
Just honesty talk to him about your feelings towards him. I dont think lying is the best solution, it will only make him disappointed, you might even lose him as a friend.
Lying would put you in an even worse situation. You don't wanna lie to Jesus and lead him on. So its best that you were honest with him.
Lying isn't the way to go. If you weren't feeling the same way, don't say it.
You did what was right. If you don't feel it, don't say it. Lying about it is worse 'cause you'd give him false hope & hurt him even more. You might want to talk about how you feel with him to clarify what happened so that he understands what's going on on your end. It's not gonna be an easy talk. Good luck~
No way, you can't lie about loving someone. Even if you do love him you shouldn't say it if you don't want to. I tell my best (guy) friend that I love him A LOT, but he never tells me that he loves me and I'm perfectly okay with that. If he really does love you, he'll understand that you don't want to say it.
I agree with everyone else, lying would have been VERY bad. You'd be sending the wrong message for sure. Imagine how hard it would be to shake him off after saying those words back, and then how hurt he'd be when he figures out you had lied to him. You did the right thing not saying "I love you" back.
lying isn't the best thing to do, so you did the right thing... but explain how you feel to him. Maybe the FWB isn't the best way to go with this guy... it seems like he is starting to think its more than just that.
Never say you love someone if it's not true. It just makes for a bigger mess.
Lying about loving someone is pretty bad.. It's almost as bad as cheating in my book.
If you don't think you can love this person then let him go. Stop being so selfish. He LOVES you. LOVE. It's not the same as liking and most certainly not like lusting.
For you to keep pursuing this FWB thing..will only hurt him even more. He's trying to tell you that he wants something more than just a good time with you. He wants something meaningful. Can you give him that? If not then leave him the hell alone.
No, don't lie. Lying would have put you in a much worse situation... and you both could have gotten hurt at the end. If you don't feel the same, you should tell him that & make sure that he respects it. If he doesn't respect it, then he isn't worth your time.
I've had people say they loved me/were in love with me and not say it back. It's better for them to know where you stand than to give them some false hope. The guy I love now said it to me daily for a good week or two before I would say it back; he's very patient with me. Haha but yeah; don't say it if you don't mean it
Don't lie. Just lay it on him easy and say that you aren't.... wanting a relationship right now.
Lying is really bad, you could say you love him as a friend, or you're not wanting to be ina relationship, but lying about your feelings is not the way ;O
No, don't lie about that. Messing with his feelings and toying with him is not good. You end up hurting him even more.
I've been in your position before. I said it and I did not mean it then. I'm not repeating it again. So in short, do not 'lie' about it.
no. don't lie. don't imply it. just tell him that he's sweet but you've both grown, you're not head over heals for him. it's harsh and we're sure you can think of a nicer way to say it, but whatever you do, don't lie, and don't leave things uncertain.
Telling him the truth (that you don't feel the same way) will hurt him. But lying to him (that you do love him) is even worst.
Honesty is the best policy!
I dated this guy a while back. After a couple of months of dating him, he said the three little words to me. I didn't feel the same way so I said (pause), "Thank You."
Of course not! It's your emotions and you're entitled to them.
Faking this for him would have just led to you having to fake more things to keep from hurting him. It's good that you didn't let a lie progress.
Of course not. I think it would have hurt him more to find out it's not true. Better to tell the truth than to spread the lies.