Monday, 29 December 2008
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The Limiting Factor: His Immaturity!
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I have a very close guy friend and we've hooked up a few times. I know for sure that he's attracted to me physically, but I'm unsure about if he's attracted to my personality. We're very good friends, so I'm not sure about everything.
Overall though, we probably would go out if it weren't for the one factor that prevents me from being fully attracted to him: his immaturity! He's two years older than I am but he acts two years younger.
He's always been stuck in the friend zone with other girls because he acts like the friend and never the boyfriend. He's a gentleman and does the traditional gentleman things like opening the car door for you (which is a huge plus for me). But the way he jokes around and uses his "moves" on me is too elementary and flat out horrible. He has no game.
Another problem is that he's too eager, especially when it comes to things like hooking up, which turns me off even more. I want a guy that puts on his smooth moves and makes the girl want it instead of a guy that shoves his hands down my pants instantly after one little peck.
So the question is, how do I let him know of these problems and help his "game"? I'm doing this as a potential girlfriend and as a good friend.
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Comments (33)
Talk to him about it and teach him.
If no one tells him his problems or teach him, he won't know!
Maybe try talking to him about the issue at hand. Honesty is sometimes the best policy...but do it in a manner that isn't harsh. It might possibly hurt his feelings so just be aware of reprecussions.
It seems as though you want him to change. If I am wrong correct me...but no person can change unless they want too. He might not realize that he acts this way or thinks it's acceptable because no one says "stop" or "no" so maybe trying out those boundaries might help the situation in a nicer and unknowing way.
Sometimes a guy just isn't for ya...but I can see why you would want to help him for future relationships.
Good luck!
I'd bring it up as a friend rather than as someone interested in him. If you like him, you should be attracted to him for who he is.
And make sure he actually wants the help. He may not care or think he's fine the way he is. But if he brings up the fact that he can't get any girls and wonders why, that's a signal that it's okay for you to talk to him about what he's doing wrong. But don't be mad if he uses his new moves on another girl ;)
If you don't want to do this personally, try having someone else talk to him about it, perhaps another male friend. If that doesn't work, do it yourself. Teach him how to.
"But the way he jokes around and uses his "moves" on me is too elementary and flat out horrible. He has no game."
funny as hell!
glad i subscribed to this blog. Its entertaining.
All I can do is tell you. You got to be blunt with this guy. Tell him to SLOW DOWN otherwise your interest in him is gonna go away.. Tell him he gotta to work some more to woo you before getting further than 1st base..
U cant change someone, it will have to be on him to want to change. plus your just a friend and u shouldnt want to change him, accept him for who he is if not then dont be friends with him anymore. but if you really do have a intrest in him (further then just friendship) then tell him how you feel but then again you dont like the way he acts and that will be up to him to change or not. maybe the next female will like him for him i dont think he should have to change...GOODLUCK!!!
Talk to him about it....teach him....ego will be bruised but he will get over it, but if he just can't mature then let him go...you can only do so much....
Coach him along, show him with your hands what you want, tell him as you go when to slow down, hold back, etc. Works like a charm.
HI........
you know me?
why you Sub me?
first off.. does he really want to change and learn? it sounds like you want him to change and learn. that's incredibly different. if he really is interested in raising his game to new heights it will be a slow learning process. but it has to be voluntary! also, i can't really blame the guy for being eager when he knows eager gets him what he wants. if he is involved (especially sexually) with more girls aside from you it might be hard to help him alter his behavior.
whoareu?!
sounds like he only sees you as a hookup. sorry
I have a very close guy friend and we've hooked up a few times. I know for sure that he's attracted to me physically, but I'm unsure about if he's attracted to my personality.
Not to sound holier than thou, but this is exactly why I'm waiting until marriage to have sex. That way I won't have to deal with those incessant "does he REALLY like me??" questions that make it hard for me to sleep at night. I've been there before, many times.
In my opinion, if you even have to ask yourself if he likes you for who you are and not for what you're giving him, I think that says a lot about him right there. If he treated you with all the respect you deserve not just as a girlfriend, but as a woman, then I think you'd already know the answer.
You can't change anybody but yourself. You can try to help them, but ultimately is up to them to WANT to change and to do so. Try talking to him and be honest about it in as nice a way as possible, but my suggestion would be to do it as a good friend. Try to teach him and coach him along, if he's willing, but if he ultimately cannot reach the level you want, it may be best to just stay friends and find someone who is somewhere along the lines of what you are looking for.
haha...poor guy. no game
who are you? this entry sounds like you're pertaining to ME...lol
This is ridiculous. Stop wasting your time. Why the hell would you go out with him? The only good thing about him you said was that he does chivalrous things- like opening the door for you. I'm sorry but I think that's EVERYONE's responsibility as being a decent human being. Stop being so desperate and find a respectable guy for yourself.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - true
jeez if he's a friend he's a friend don't let me across the ladder
Say that you must start out as friends, and then date lol
Just tell him his moves sucks and teach him as a friend. and see where that goes
@hmm_ishi@xanga - haha i agree with you on that
Guys don't want to change if they dont' have to, especially with new relationships.
You're always going to be annoyed with him. If you like him enough to let the small things go, date him. If you don't like him enough, then don't date him.