Friday, 26 December 2008
-
He Has Herpes And Told Our Friends We Hooked Up
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
I just want to SCREAM. I can't begin to describe how pissed off I am right now. I don't know if writing it all down is going to help, but I will try it anyway.
- The Backstory -
It all began almost a month ago. My friend Vanilla and I went to the bars as usual on a Friday night. While there, she met up with the guy she is kind of dating...we'll call him Frosting. And Frosting had this one friend, let's call him Cake.
Cake came onto me way too strong and I had no interest in him whatsoever - I was blunt but tried to be nice about it. He still didn't get the hint. When we left the bar that night, Cake tried to get my number and he refused to leave me alone until I gave it to him...I was being kind of nice, and still he literally begged me...so I finally caved and put it in.
Saturday night, I had made plans to hang out with another guy I met the week before who had shown interest in me and I was attracted to him. Let's call him Bunny. While Bunny spent the night at my house, I got a call at 3:45 a.m. from an unknown number. I was praying to God that it wasn't Cake calling me. Luckily, it wasn't him.
I had wondered why Cake didn't call me because he wouldn't leave me alone; I didn't mind that he didn't call, I just figured he'd still bug me because he didn't take a hint. We'll get to this in a few.
- Currently -
Yesterday Vanilla and I went to the bars again and met up with Cake and Frosting. While Vanilla and Frosting were groping each other, Cake tried to feel my leg and scoot closer to me...joking or not, I still didn't like it. Vanilla thinks I was being mean about showing how I wasn't interested...I had my legs crossed, hand covering my face and arms across my chest (this is the second time he had tried to come onto me too strong), and still Cake scooted closer and closer...he claims he wanted to only be my friend, yeah right...
He tried to get me to touch his hand and I jokingly said that I didn't want to because I didn't want to catch an STD if I did. He took serious offense to that...but little did I know, he actually does have herpes.
Today I got a MySpace message from someone who knows Cake really well and heard that he and I had hooked up. The message said that I should get tested if I did because he has herpes, and it wasn't out of jealousy or anything - just looking out for my well-being. I was thinking what the hell. I didn't even want to hold Cake's hands, and I never even kissed him...Cake spread lies saying we had sex, which got me thinking that he might try to find out who I'm messing with now to tell them that they have caught something from me, even though it is a lie.
I was pissed that Cake was spreading rumors about me, so I was venting to Vanilla about Cake's lies and she thinks I'm overreacting in getting worked up about catching herpes and thinking crazily that Cake would not go through my friends list to try to find my other hook-ups. I don't think I'm overreacting, I'm just overly cautious and I really don't want to catch it, even in the stupidest ways ever, like if it's just hands touching each other (I heard it was indeed possible). She said even she jokingly sat on his lap (in a lap dance sort of way) and she had no problem with it. Yeah, well that's her, and he didn't spread lies saying they had done it together.
Was I really overreacting on catching herpes?
Editor's note: While it is possible to contract herpes from hand-to-hand contact, the instances are incredibly rare. For facts on herpes, prevention and dispelling rumors, click here.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (84)
I really don't think your overreacting because this guy seems like a real creep if he does not respect you enough to leave you alone and to top that off, he spread real, real nasty rumours.
Some guys do go through friends lists though. It's creepy.
youre friend vanilla doesnt sound liek a firend at all, and that guy soudns liek a completel loser. id drop em both.
Wow, that's a lot of drama you're going through. First, you were already as nice and polite as anyone can be considering that the man is very forceful. You will then be forced to calmy confront this individual in a public space and in front of your "friend" vanilla and put him in a difficult spot. Maybe then will he realize that it is not funny, cute or attractive to be making up stories about other people. Especially when there is an issue of an STD involved.
Vanilla should really have taken a more serious view on this subject, an incurable STD such as Herpes is nothing to be joking about.
I think you have reason to worry about him going through your friend list. A lot of people do go through the friend's list. Also, I would be pissed too.
That guy is a total creep from what you've said. He should probably go play in traffic, OR get ocular herpes (that's herpes of the eye).
I doubt you caught any from him though.
Just beat him next time you'd see him - that's what I'd do.
You had every right to refuse him. He is a jerk. I would honestly cut off all contact from him and any unknown number calls you get, you shouldnt answer. He's spreading rumors about you, and Bunny should know and trust you enough to know that you wouldnt do something like that to him.
Just relax, everything will be fine. It's ok to be pissed off. Heck I would be too. But jerks like that aren't worth your time and anger. Just let it be and he'll get the point...hopefully.
Your friend is an ass, you should have told her, "what if you and frosting never messed around and he told everyone you two had sex, how pissed would you be?"
Blah, I don't get guys nowadays. ;/
Xo
you are totally not overacting. herpes is a viral infection that you can get either oral or in genital, there are drugs thatd be taken to treat it but treatment is really better than cure.
and your friend is not your friend if she wouldnt care. your social life might be at risk, coz people tend to pull away from you even though it is a great big lie.
so confront him. and kick his ass.!
I agree, you're not overreacting. Cake is an arsehole. I think you should confront cake about it face to face. If he sees you're taking the slandering seriously, then most likely he'll stop having his fun at your expense on myspace. That's your reputation. Please don't take his rumor-spreading lightly.
i think you're not overreacting, BUT, your reaction should be for a different reason.
as the editors note says, its incredibly rare to get herpes from hand-to-hand contact. a really large percentage of people have herpes, actually... probably a lot of people you don't even realize. so overreacting for that is kind of pointless, just be thankful you didn't do anything with him.
i think you should be reacting "strongly" to the fact that Cake is a major creep and is spreading rumors. its immature, its rude, and its just lies that could ruin your reputation. i suggest you have a talk with him asap, be nice, but tell him you're not interested and he needs to back off with these rumors. BUT! Don't flat out accuse him. Let him explain his side of the story first. I mean, you and I both know he lied, but you should let him explain first... at least its shows you're fair, calm, and mature, and he'll be more likely to give you the same respect back.
"A really large percentage of people have herpes, actually"
A lot of people have herpes simplex, the mouth blister virus . . . not that many people have herpes, the genital disease. They are genetically related but they are different diseases. (Humans and chimps have something like 99% DNA similarity . . . but a man is not a chimp. The small difference in DNA makes a big difference.)
To give you another figure, about 70% of the population in America has cytomegalovirus - but rather than being a nonissue, a CMV-caused illness is usually indicative of major problems. Prevalence does not in any way indicate whether or not an infection is a problem in a given individual. Please don't spread misinformation, or worse, act like herpes is no big deal when it is in fact often life-changing.
The original poster has every reason to get worked up over this. However, I don't think the editor is doing a service in suggesting that it's possible to get herpes from hand-to-hand contact . . . as you would basically have to have a cut on your hand and press it on an open sore to contract it from your hand. The argument that it is "technically possible" to get herpes from vanishingly small probabilities ignores the theory of minimum viral load that is currently accepted in medical literature.
Huh. Wow. He doesn't have room to talk. Isn't he the one with fucking herpes?! Why is he even trying to get with you in the first place?
I kinda get why he was offended by the hand-touching thing, but you didn't know about it ... and God forbid you get something. (the instances of that ever happening are rare, but it can happen)
And he seems like kind of a creep for spreading rumers that aren't true to the slightest bit. What a douchebag!
~amanda
wow.. i don't really know what to say. all i can say is i don't think you're overreacting AT ALL - that guy is a total freak.
One more time.
Medically, it can't happen. Hand holding does not contain enough viral load to give her herpes. If viral load does not exceed a certain amount, you will not get a disease. (Obviously my interpretation of "hand holding" assumes a normal situation and a working immune system. If both of you are bleeding from the hands and your blood mixes, or some other weird scenario, yes, it's possible to contract a disease. But that's not what people mean when they say "hand holding.")
People need to realize that humans with STDs are not crazy super-lepers who have the power to infect with a touch. Certainly, don't sleep with them. And certainly, don't put up with their BS if they turn out to be creeps like the one in the article. But you don't need to be paranoid about handshakes with strangers or anything.
If Cake had spread rumors about hooking up with your friend and possibility, she had herpes now... she would be piss off too. I don't think you're overreacting at all because I would be the same way.
But if I didn't like Cake in that kind of way and thought he was creepy, I wouldn't give him my real number or met up with him again at the bar. Maybe you wanted to keep your friend company but still... I would of made some weird excuse and butt out. lol.
No, your not.
It's actually illegal to pass on such information. If I were you I'd sue his ass.
I'm sorry, but my initial reaction is, What a douchebag.
As far as contracting anything (in general) regardless of how sure you are, you will still wonder. Get tested. It's my belief that anyone who is sexually active, even if it's with the same person consistently, should get tested regularly. Better safe than sorry and it's better to just put your mind at ease.
Best of luck. And bitch punch that loser the next time he makes advances. "No means NO, beeotch!"
Cake should definitely be blocked on Myspace/Facebook/whatever else. And if he calls, ignore it. This guy sounds like A) an asshole and B) trouble, especially with the herpes. And no, it is very unlikely (as in REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY unlikely) you can get herpes from him like that, but getting tested for STDs once in a while is never a bad idea.
You're not overreacting, it's good that you care about your health, but first off you need to officially kick this guy to the curb and make certain that he knows he's been kicked to the curb and he is off the 'cool list'. Guys that pull shit like that, saying they hooked up with a girl when they really didn't, are usually creepers who can't get laid, really desperate, and not worth your time.
Block him from your myspace and dont talk to him ever again...he sounds like a creep and obviously he is a nasty ahole for even having herpes...He is just mad because u wont give him the time or day..i dont think your over reacting at all ur just being careful and thats real good for you...obviously your friend needs to learn how to be as cautions as you or else she will end up with something.
HEY DONT FORGET TO BLOCK HIS ASS FROM YOUR MYSPACE CUZ HE WONT BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR FRIENDS LIST.
What an idiot. No wonder he's alone and desperate, that sick, moronic jerk. You weren't overreacting at all. You were probably under-reacting. I'm sure if it had been a person with less self-control, the boy would have no utilities to reproduce by now. Sorry that happened to you =[. But at least you really don't have an STD. Good luck!
No, you were not overreacting at all! It's something one should be concerned about. Unfortunately, I've no idea what to do in this situation. But I bid you good luck!
who is this???
I WOULD BE PISSED!!!
I don't blame you, I would be so angry if someone was spreading lies that I was hooking up with them.. let alone if they had an STD! that is not right. you stay far away from him and hopefully people will not be so inclined to believe everything they hear!
overreacting to the "catching herpes" part. but definitely NOT overreating to the fact that he spread rumors about u and him.
he's a creep.... be careful :(
Girl, that is a total normal reaction. That's stupid!
I got really close to a friend over the summer. (We've known each other since high school, so there's no romantic feelings at all.) Anyways, we shared a drink after he got off work one time.
Two days later, he messaged me telling me that I should get tested. I was like, "WTF? WHY?" Then, the idiotic friend proceeds to say, "I got a cankersore the next day after we shared the drink. Considering your past (I dated a few guys), a (mutual) friend said that I should get tested. As for your health concern, I think you should too."
I find out that he got the advice from a mutual friend that has not even been in one freaking relationship.
Dumbass. Glad I'm not his friend anymore.