Friday, 26 December 2008
-
Dear Dr. Datingish: My Boyfriend Hit Me
My boyfriend of one year and three months hit me last night during a fight we had about his obsession with wanting to go drinking and smoking. I am a health nut who thinks that he needs to stay away from it, and I don't want to be a part of it. He, on the other hand, wants to have fun and not think of the repercussions. It wouldn't be a such a big deal when it comes to drinking, except he is a really irresponsible, bumbling drunk who is underage to begin with. Smoking, on the other hand, is something I am completely disgusted by and refused to be around. Yet this simple discussion spiraled into nearly every corner of our relationship.
We got onto the topic of how his sixteen year old brother is completely screwing up his life. He's been jailed, gotten tickets, arrested, everything under the books for drinking, smoking and drugs. Now, my boyfriend tells me he wants to save his brother and I point out (in a hurried, angry tone) that he wasn't going to save him by doing the exact same thing he was doing.
And then he slapped me, and told me to "never say that about his brother again," which didn't even make sense to me. I told him that he had completely crossed the line and left my room. I called my best friend and relayed all of the drama to him about how my boyfriend has lied, kept things from me, gone behind my back, completely disrespected me, and now has struck me.
I don't feel anything. I'm angry...yet I don't know if I should call this a done deal and break up with him. I'm restless, because I still love him and want the person he used to be to come back, and completely scared of him because he has never struck me before. He has apologized countless times, made many promises, cried, and tried to make things better. But he makes a lot of promises and never keeps a single one.
I don't know where to go from here.
Got a question for Dr. Datingish? Send it to us at datingish.com/submit-post!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (549)
LEAVE IMMEDIATELY...
Is your head that far up his ass? Do you not have a shred of self-esteem left or did he smack that out too?
Stop fucking settling and wake up...Keep making excuses for him and "...but I love him...and you don't know what it's like when we're alone..."
ALL BULLSHIT...
The moment he slapped you should have kicked him in the balls, grabbed all your shit and walked out...
Well, if he promised to never do it, and never keeps promises... Obviously that means it's possible to happen again. Leave him now.
Leave him & never look back. Cut off ALL contact from him. My boyfriend of THREE years who I was completely in love with hit me/pushed me/choked me, etc. I was a complete fool & looked past it the first time he did it because I thought he was "perfect" and was "just angry" and wouldn't do it again. I was WRONG. No matter how much he apologizes or not matter what he says, HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN. I can't stress this enough because I don't want you to make the same dumb mistake. Please, leave him & (when you're ready) find someone that will treat you with respect. A real man would NEVER hit a woman, no matter how cross she makes him. Trust me.
LEAVE! GET OUT!!!
The person you are in love with left a very very very long time ago. The person you're dating is not even close to the same guy you fell in love with.
The guy you fell in love with would never hit you, I'm sure!
He did it in his anger, and tomorrow when he's angry, he's going to do it again.
Break up with him.
I think you should leave. I think when he slapped you that was the true deal breaker, but read this again. "I called my best friend and relayed all of the drama to him about how
my boyfriend has lied, kept things from me, gone behind my back,
completely disrespected me, and now has struck me." Time to move on for sure now. It doesn't seem like he cared for awhile.
so not only did he hit you, he drinks and smokes and does shit you don't like. Leave him! Life is too short to deal with this bullshit
If I were in your postion, I'd just leave. If he really cared about you and his brother then he just stop everything he's doing and try to get help. Or you can try getting him some help. Maybe he'll realize what a big jerk he's being.
Get Out Now. This ain't a movie. You aren't going to "change him" Jesus Christ Girl. How can you even ask wh at you should do???
Get. Out. NOW!
It will be a lot easier to leave now than after he's done it time and time again and you've been with him for years.
Yes, maybe it was a one time thing, and yes, maybe he'll change. But he's already shown he doesn't keep his promises, and waiting around for someone to change is a pretty fruitless thing to do, in my own experience. People change when they want to, not because their significant other wants it. And if they do change for their significant other and not for themselves, it usually doesn't last.
Can you deal with the 99% probability that he probably WON'T change anytime soon? If you stay with him, you're taking quite a chance.
Listen, No matter how much you love him, You need to leave him Immediately.
He struck you for something as simple as talking about his brother. What's he going to do when you confront him about his choices and what he's doing? Right now you're using the same excuse that abuse victims use "But I still love him."
Please, for your sake before you get hurt anymore then you have been, Leave
A "bumbling drunk"? A smoker? Both habits of these disgust you?
For one thing, major lifestyle additions such as these will be harmful to any loving, healthy relationship if the other partner doesn't approve or appreciate them. Smoking and drinking IS a lifestyle- no matter what you may tell yourself.
It also sounds like your relationship is not that healthy or loving, if he has no problem hitting you. Don't try to justify his behavior. It wasn't just because he was mad, or just because he snapped. It's a definite sign of disrespect.
My advice? Leave him. You don't want to live with two habits you despise, and a man who does not respect you.
This wouldn't even be an issue. I would be at the police station right now getting a restraining order.
Leave him. He hit you once, and even though he promised to never do it again, he breaks promises. It's likely to happen again. He also drinks and smokes which is something you're against.
For your sake, leave before it escalates to something much worse than one hit.
well i was thinking about this after i read your personal entry and honestly he isn't going to realize how wrong he was unless you do something, if you forgive him he'll assume oh no big deal and as everyone above me has said, he'll probably do it again. the longer you wait to break things off, the more difficult it will be and the more immersed in your life he will be. who knows maybe after a break he'll get his shit together and you can try things again, but he needs to show you he cares and is worth the effort you're putting in
A guy hit a woman? Such an ass.. that's more reason enough to leave him. No matter how angry you are, you should never hit a woman, my opinion. If he really does that, then you know enough.
if he's not even 21 and he's already starting to hit you.... that's NOT a good sign. if he needs to use his hands and not his words, he's NOT a man. get OUT. NOW! looks like everyone else is saying the same thing. trust me, there's better out there for u.
"But he makes a lot of promises and never keeps a single one."
You said it yourself, sweetheart.
i think you answered your own question by stating that he's making promises but he never keeps them. he should never have raised a hand against you no matter how angry he was. there is no excuse for that. and if he can do it once then he can do it again. i'm very glad to hear that after he hit you you left the room, that says a lot about your character and how strong you are. i hope you are also strong enough to realize that you should not be in this relationship, not only because of this argument, but it sounds like there are other issues with his drinking and smoking.
if you want the person he was to come back and he understands that and really loves you then you need to give him the space and time he needs to grow and prove himself to you.
Get the fuck out.
Basically what everyone else has stated.
LEAVE. NOW!
Not only does he has horrible habits, but he HIT you.
LEAVE. Before it gets worse.
Say buh-bye.
Leave him NOW. He's changed from the person you had first met & probably the person you fell in love with. You deserve someone who loves & respects you far more than what he's doing right now. It seems that you love & care for him more than he does for you.. that's not what you deserve. Leave him. If he really loved, cared & respected you, he would make up his mind to change now before it's too late. Leave now 'cause you never know how this will end up. It might just mark the beginning of domestic abuse.
If he really is the one & it's meant to be, walking out on him will be the best wake up call he will ever receive. But for now, leave. He needs his space to grow up & learn how to treat his woman right. Love is tough & sometimes you have to let go & trust that things will work out for the best. It doesn't mean you're abandoning him in his time of need.. but you need to get away for your safety's sake.
This is coming from someone who is the product of a home filled with domestic violence of the "my daddy hit my mommy" sort.
WHAT THE F*CK?
GET OUT. NOW
In the time you spent writing out this note to datingish, you should've left.
Even if he hadn't hit you, it sounds like this is a bad relationship. You disagree on huge issues. It sounds like he makes you unhappy. You deserve someone who challenges you to be your best, not someone who drags you down.
But now since he hit you, that should be the alarm to get out of this thing now.