Miss Seal My friend was telling me how frustrated she was with this boy she liked. They hung out about five times before he finally did the right thing and kissed her. I asked her why she just didn't initiate the kiss. She said that honestly, that's just something that the guy should do first: "I don't know if I could be with someone who isn't gutsy enough to go for it."
The next day, I'm on a second date. We go to a club; we're dancing closely the whole night. We then cuddle on the comfy lounge couch; we're about two centimeters away from each other. We keep making eye contact. Nothing. He doesn't do anything.
I asked a couple of friends what they would do in my situation. Should I have just gone for it myself? Surprisingly, they all agreed that the guy should be the one to kiss you first. It seemed old-fashioned, but it also somehow made sense.
A guy friend said it takes a lot of courage for a guy to kiss you. I'm sorry; I'm 5'1 and tiny. There's nothing intimidating about me. His girlfriend noted that it took him six months before he finally made a move (they were friends first).
All right, I am not waiting six months. I'm giving him one more date and then I'm doing the right thing myself.
Guys, what is so scary about finally making the move and kissing the girl, if you know she likes you? (I was giving him all the green lights). Girls, would you date a guy who wasn't gutsy enough to make the first move? Should I just screw all the advice and kiss him myself?
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Comments (366)
Maybe he thinks you have cooties.
or bad breath maybe? just narrowing down the possibilities.
Maybe he (like some other men) like the GIRL to take initiative? If you want a kiss, give him one then. God.
Lazy asses. XD
when i was younger, i believed completely in gender equality. but the older i get, the more i see that gender expectations are baked into just about everyone!
great post.
I wouldn't, because i'm not gutsy enough to make the first move either, so we'd get no where!
A man might be bigger than you, but there's no break so scary as a broken heart.
AHH! I know what you're going through. This happened to me as well. I've been talking to this guy for alittle over two months now and let me tell you, for the first month we were just talking, until it became obvious that there was something there between us. Prior to this we've spent time together a handful of times, and even after we openly talked about our feelings for each other, he still didn't make a move. I was hitting my head against the wall! I had no idea what was going wrong. But alas, finally we talked on alittle more of a deeper level and he admitted to being alittle shy due to his last girlfriend treating him badly and even though it was just a kiss, it was a big deal to him. Finally, he made the move, but I think it's because he let his defenses down alittle more. He admitted to spending alot of time thinking about kissing me at particular moments, but didn't. Don't get discouraged. There's probably a deeper meaning as to why he hasn't made a move yet. I bet there's alot going on in his head. If you're that frustrated, go for it! But it shouldn't be a forced thing just to get it over with, you should enjoy it instead of dreading having to be the one to make the first move.
Why not just one day tell him, when you have that "moment" where you're close and staring deeply into his eyes something like, "Shut up and kiss me, you fool". It allows men to appreciate your wit, humor, and sense of confidence without taking away that sense of confidence he should have.
If you know he's interested in you, why not go for the first move? I don't think there's anything wrong with the female taking the initiative to "make the first move" on the guy. There's a huge difference between kissing someone you like and throwing yourself at him.
But if you don't want to make the first move, you can wait six months like your friend.
maybe he doesn't know you like him. maybe you just think he knows.
Each situation is different, each guy is different.... take it as it comes (or doesn't, as the case may be)
If it's so easy, you do it =P
Secondly, guys tend to be nervous about this for several reasons. 1: we follow the stereotype that girls over react, so if you don't want us to, bad things happen to us if we make that mistake. 2: we suck at finding the hidden message and would prefer for you to make what you want as obvious as possible. I didnt kiss my girlfriend until she kissed me on the cheek. 3: if a guy really likes someone, they go slow 'Cause they want the relationship to last. But once the ok is given, you should start to recieve more affection.
So good luck. And six months should be nothing if you really like him.
There are a lot of reasons that guys don't make the move. Perhaps, you should spend some time to study his personality. You might find out why he didn't make the move.
this post took the words right out of my mouth. i'm in the same exact situation right now. i'm currently seeing a guy for the past 2 months now, and although the mutual interest is there, he still hasn't kissed me yet. i don't mind it though because i am pretty patient. i believe that it will make it that much more special when the time is right rather than making it a "forced" action.
i also agree with the post above. if you really like a guy, then waiting 6 months is nothing.
Maybe kiss him once on the cheek? See what response he gives you... That would be a thing to start off with... Guys are afraid of mixed signals sometimes and they are often not sure if girls are actually giving them the green light...
Good Luck
yeah, if you want to kiss him, just do it!
and the witty line could have a good outcome- just try it! :D@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - QFT
You can turn the question right back; "Girls, what's so scary about making the move and kissing the guy, if you know he likes you?"
Seems like he was giving you the green light as well. The answer you give is probably similar to what the guy would say.
I didn't think there was such a big gender role idea that guys should kiss first. In the past, it was sometimes me and it was sometimes the girl who would kiss first. Doesn't matter who does it first; the result is the same!
Sha la la la la la la don't be scared... somthing something something, kiss de girl whoa OH!
(God bless Little mermaid)
he might think you're going to turn away when he goes in for the kill, and nothing hurts worse than rejection. maybe you should just do it yourself, you seem 'gutsy' enough. ;)
@Atomic_emmcee@xanga - Or herpes.
maybe he wasnt sure what kind of response he'll get from you??
the older we get, the more we think of other peoples reaction. what ever happened to "just do it" lols.
there are probably few dating moments that are more awkward than leaning in for a kiss and the other person giving you the cheek or backing off. Â
what do you say after that? Â "haha...syke!"? do the awkward turtle maybe? Â i kid.
with that being said, someone has to have the kahunas. Â the spoils go to the brave...
I'm in sorta in the sameness. except the guy likes me and i'm not sure if he does really really. at first cos i was so unsure and nervous i ignored him. now i hope i didnt go overboard cos i think i'm starting to like him too. its to take the risk of making a fool of yourself that scares us to make the move. so its either we can dare to do it or not. i wanna let him know that i like him, but its just scary to take the risk.
I think if you feel it, go for it. What's the worst that could happen? He pulls away? If you're on a date, he must have liked you enough to kiss you, even if he doesn't initiate it.