Dr. DatingishI'm really close to one of the guys I work with. We've talked online a lot, and he knows that I'm having family problems and need some financial help. He's offered to help me out by looking for part time jobs and even offered to take me on a short trip overseas to get my mind off of things.
I have a boyfriend, and he knows, so I didn't even think about going out with him, and if he ever shows too much concern about me, I try to play it cool to show him I'm not interested in him.
Last night, we were chatting as usual when out of the blue, he asked me, "Do you want to be my fling?"
I was kind of shocked.
"Huh? I thought you didn't like people to be unfaithful - why would you ask me that?"
"I didn't ask you to break up with your BF," he said. "We'll have an underground affair . . . and since you need help right now, maybe I can help you out a bit."
I'm so confused. I changed the subject and never answered his weird question. I know it's wrong to be tempted.
But the problem is that I don't want to burden my BF with my family's financial problems. I want to take care of myself even though I don't make a lot of money. I was so tempted when my work friend offered me some help, but I would feel so guilty about betraying my BF.
What should I do?!
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Comments (101)
You should probably not whore yourself out, and do what you originally planned- take care of yourself. I know you said you don't make that much money, but even in this tough economy part time jobs are available. Just keep looking.
no offense, but how is that different from being a "hooker"?
dont be unfaithful for money, asking for money is a lot less dishonorable then having sex for monee
Wow, this guy is a total asshole and totally trying to take advantage of you. If you want to 'take care of yourself' then do just that. Dont get 'help' from this prick. Your bfd would much rather help you than find out you were fucking some other guy in exchange for his 'help'.
Personally, I think you should let your bfd know about your problems-and whats so bad about accepting some help from him? Sometimes you just can't handle EVERYthing on your own. Take a step back, and don't ruin your relationship or damage your own self-respect.
Seriously, what a dick. I wouldn't fuck him based on just that principle! Offering 'help' my ass! Tell him to get lost and try avoid speaking to him ever again!!!!!!!!!
ahhh I really hope you listen to us crazy xangans!
I don't think taking the financial help would be betraying your boyfriend...the affair and the trip with him would be. However, your work friend seems truly creepy...I can't imagine what possessed him to ask you such a question...I sincerely hope it was a joke...but then again your post is not about him, so I'll reserve the rest of my comments.
I highly suggest you to share your problems with your boyfriend. Most people I know (including myself) would like to know and we really wouldn't consider it a 'burden' to help out the one we love (to the best of our ability) Rather, we'd feel offended that you DIDN'T share that information with us. Solve your problems together, and share your problems...or how do you expect to deal with problems in the future??
The guy is a slug who is trying to take advantage of your situation. If he truly wanted to help, he'd be your friend with no strings attached. Tell him to take a hike and you'll get by on your own. Sorry for being so blunt.
I think I'd rather burden my boyfriend with financially and try to get money another way than with a trip and an affair with a guy like that. Just saying.
wait wait wait, he's gonna give you financial 'help' if you do him behind your boyfriends back?
that is LOW. lower than low... its.... wrong.
Wow. He kinda reminds me of someone I was (unfortunately) involved with...
Do me a favor?? Sever ties w/this guy...it's not a healthy situation...and involve your bf in your troubles...doing so will prove whether or not he's in the relationship for the long haul or for temporary pleasure...if you love your bf and if he loves you, everything will work out...even if there are unexpected bumps in the road...
That's my opinion...
:e)
Don't do it
I think you should whore yourself out. That's the best solution in situations like this.
Morally, I can't suggest you actually taking him up on his offer. He sounds kinda slimey for even asking that.
What an awful person. How can he tempt you like this? Nobody should be able to buy your morals! Not even under the most extreme situation. Even if you find yourself a burden on those who love you, you do not compromise myself because that will hurt more than anything.
eh. really...
i could say all of the stuff these ppl have said, but there's really no easy way out. you have a bf that would break his back probably to help you and your fam out.. at the cost of losing intimacy and personal time among other things.. all the extra work is gonna go somewhere. everything costs something lady. everything.
this guy is offering you help, though it costs sex for you.. let's be honest here. money is money. sounds cold, but if you fuck your boyfriend and HE helps you pay off your financial situation, isn't that the same as what this guy is offering? Does it make it different b/c you don't love this guy or something? I really don't see how. if anything, most ppl use love to give themselves an excuse for getting you to give them what they want anyway. "honey, i love you! could you buy me _________?" "mommy, buy me candy!! thanks, I love you!"
if you wanna be independent, it's going to be the hardest b/c you're taking the burden all upon yourself. temptation is gonna be the hardest, b/c you know you're doing it alone, and life happens whether you want it to or not. you'll have your bf stressing, knowing he can help, but feeling in debt to him, and this work friend that has already named his price, and he may not always be around either..
difficult decision.
normally, i'd just say blablabla, but i realized; a good amount of ppl have a ridiculous level of bias built in. no one wants to admit when life gets hard, that you do what you HAVE to do. they can only say, what they were taught you should do. You haven't even mentioned the depth of this financial situation. ultimately, you do what YOU feel is best. There are no innocents in life, and a sin is a sin. There is no one that can judge you if they sinned themselves.
If you have no problems with whoring yourself out for some quick cash and being a terrible, unfaithful girlfriend, then go for it. It's your life. -shrug- Just make sure you also have an exit strategy.
You say you want to take care of yourself, and that you don't want to burden your BF with your problems, yet here you are burdening this friend of yours. What do you expect? Telling each other's problems and such is what being in a relationship is about.
It's good that you thought about this without jumping to and such. It's not a good idea to be having an affair, if you care so much about your BF.
total sleeze. sorry but i find it kind of terrible that youre actually having a difficult time figuring out the right answer
don't sell your body for money. you will regret it.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - props for what you've said tho i don't agree completely, it certainly make sense bro.
don't do it! you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position if you take the offer. I can write a long list of reasons why and all the possible consequences but none of it will end up good. there is always the possibility that everything work in your favor but that will require all string of events to be a stroke of good luck. respect yourself, respect your bf, it just not worth it.
But the problem is that I don't want to burden my BF with my family's
financial problems. I want to take care of myself even though I don't
make a lot of money. I was so tempted when my work friend offered me
some help, but I would feel so guilty about betraying my BF.
I gotta ask: tempted to let your work friend help you financially wise or to have a fling with him?
Who knows? Maybe you may already develop some sort of feelings for this sleez ball. He is a jerk for asking you to have an underground affair with him while he knew you have a bf already. Drop him like it's hot and do what you originally planned - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Guys like that have no respect for themselves, you, or your significant other.
You may think it's a burden for your bf but maybe it's not also. I think when guys have enough, they will say it. Or they just won't stick around anymore.
Sounds to me like there's a part of you that wants to hook up with your co-worker. What i think you're really asking is is it right. And no it's not right. I'm sure you can take it from there.
wow, that is so wrong of your work friend. AND it puzzles me you are even considering it. you have a bf who love and cares for you. it would not be a burden to tell your bf, he would likely be able to help you in anyway possible. drop your bf if you like someone else.
You're not the only one who had financial problems, ok? Other people deal with it by getting other jobs (whether that be part-time 2 or 3 days a week) or moving in with their parents in order to help with the burden of rent or even ask friends to borrow money. What's wrong with these options? When circumstances get rough, you swallow your pride and ask for help.
Now what you're tempted in doing is getting paid to have sex with a fellow co-worker. Can anyone say "whore"? Do you really want to be branded a whore by people? Do you think you're boyfriend WHO IS STILL STICKING WITH YOU THROUGH YOUR PROBLEMS will be forgiving after a paid fling? Are willing to go through all these physical, mental drama (believe me there will be DRAMA) just to get yourself out of a temporary financial pickle?
Even though you asked, I think you know your options clearly. In the end, it's all up to you.
There's two seemingly different issues here? Financial problems vs. cheating? I am a bit confused about how your family's financial matters have anything to do with you cheating on your boyfriend.
In regards to cheating... it's not worth it, you said boyfriend, so it's obvious you aren't married, in which case, it's easier to just break up and not have the darkness of cheating hanging over your head.