This is a guest blog submitted by ackfull.So you and your crush have quite a comfortable friendship going on. So comfortable that it's only obvious that you two should be dating. And before you know it, it happens! So the two of you are blissfully in love, young puppy love, innocent love, first true love; whatever the case, it's the best feeling you've ever had the luck to experience. You love everything about your SO, the way he/she jokes around with you, the way he/she reacts to what you do, even the way he/she smells! What can go wrong?
Then all of a sudden someone changes...and it's NOT you! He/she's never calling you anymore, even when the late night phone calls have been your routine for six months or so. He/she never gets your jokes or even laughs at them just to humor your dorkiness for the moment. He/she always insists they're right in opinion-based argument...you're so in love with them (or who they used to be) you can't even break up!
Several months (of lonely pain later) you finally do.
The only thing that soothes you now is knowing that he/she didn't want to break it off, either, and is still head over heels in love with you!
As good friends again, you have conversation, arguments and the whole package regularly...just without getting feelings involved, but you miss being with them (or again, who they used to be).
Waiting for a change, something you've been doing for quite a VERY long time, is starting to sound unreasonable.
You've broken up, tried to be friends, fought, made up...what else is there to do?
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Comments (27)
Typically, I think, when you break up once, you'll break up again. Boyfriends always want to get back together, and when I agree, I regret it and the second time around ends up being even more painful than the first.
move on?
i'm kinda having the same dilemma too >.<
You know, I broke up and got back together with a boyfriend once...three months later, I broke it off permanently. Getting back together is only a temporary fix. It's rarely a good idea.
-Katie
You can't wait for someone to "change." It'll never happen. Waiting for that potential change, I've discovered, is a very bad idea. Going out for the 2nd time usually doesn't work because of this...they're still the same person they were the first time around.
Been there, done that.
Once you break up, the general rule of thumb is to never go back...because, well, you broke up for a good reason. And chances are, those reasons are going to cause you to break up again.
'Missing someone' is a terrible reason to re-enter a relationship (I found out the hard way) because its human nature to want what you had and what you can't get. And when you get back together, the feeling of 'missing them' instantly disappears, but all the other negative reasons that caused you to break up resurface once again.
The grass really isn't greener on the other side, or in this case, won't be greener the second time around?
They'll change (if they change) on their own terms in their own time. Meanwhile, move on with your life. Like I've said before, "don't put your life on hold for anyone." If they change and you get back together, fabulous. If not, that sucks, move on.
With my ex, we were friends, a couple, then friends with benefits, then a couple again and we did that a few times. If it doesn't work, don't try to force it.
You may want to get back together quickly just because of the feelings involved and the familiarity: DON'T DO IT!
There should always be a good reason to break up. Some issue that cannot be solved or both parties aren't invested enough in the relationship to overcome the challenges. However, if the issue is resolved or both parties are committed to reconciling, I believe in a second chance. Sometimes you just need a little time to get your act together again...
... in this case though? I wouldn't bother. He's clearly not willing to put in the effort. It's a lose-lose situation. Move on...
haha...my boyfriend and i broke up barely after our two-year mark, and then we got back together after roughly nine months. a LOT of my friends figured this wasn't a good idea, and said that the only reason he asked me out again was because there was another guy [i was seeing] in the picture. haha...maaaan. ifail.
boyfriends don't necessarily always want to get back with their exes. only when there's a threat in the picture, THAT'S when they start making their move.
they don't want to feel like they're completely out of the girl's picture and not be there as an...how do i put this nicely...an OPTION.
There's no definite answer. If you get back together and you find that the connection and love is just no longer there, then obviously it's not working out, or even going to work out in the future. Breaking up and making up isn't really a "try and try again until you succeed" kind of thing. My boyfriend and I broke up and got back together when we realized that we couldn't be without one another, and when we got back together, we were more mature and our relationship grew even more. So it's either it works or it doesn't.
from experience, unless it's years later, it's a bad idea to get back together. you broke up for a reason, and it's probably something that's quite serious, and won't change unless given a lot of time, if ever.
When someone change or after being good friends and going into a relationship, everything is different. It can never go back where it used to be. Now, you just have to move on and accept it. If any luck, maybe the person who you used to know may come back but giving the relationship another chance, not a great idea. Second chances are good sometimes but other times, it just brings you more pain in the long run.
Move on for sure, it's going to hurt you if you just linger around waiting. Even if you just hang out together a lot. It's going to hurt you weather you wanna admit it or not. Reading this made me mad cause the same thing happened to me. It's not cool, but move on. They aren't in love with you or they would have got pass whatever issue.
you don't know whether its a good decision or bad decision until you make it. So don't wait for a change, do SOMETHING about it.
i agree if you broke up once, it's bound to happen again.
Talk and make yourself feel better..and then decide from there?
This sounds like the relationship I have with my ex. He's now my best friend and we went through a whole ordeal about getting back together or being friends. Well, we chose friends. But we are great friends and I think you should keep being friends. Even it breaking up, making up and fighting becomes a routine, eventually it has to end and you'll just be good friends. Or at least that's what I think will happen. Because it seems to be true for what has happened to me... *shrug*
Exact same situation i'm in. Don't know what will happen in the end. Oh well.. :)
Don't get back together. It simply is a quick fix. The impulsive hook-ups never fix the problems that initially caused the break up. Â Wait at least 1-2 years, and be sure to cut ties with the ex during this time.Â
@SunshineMI@xanga - totally agree with ya!
My current boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. We broke up roughly two and a half years ago because of a serious incident that occurred. Well, after being best friends and all that other good stuff, we both decided that our feelings were more than just "puppy love". So, we decided to give dating another round. We both talked to our parents about it and things have been going well ever since. I wouldn't trade him for the world. In my opinion, I wouldn't normally date people more than once, but the reason we first broke up was because we were forced, not so much it wasn't working out.
I've been in this very same situation for the past...FIVE years!
Goodness' sake! We were both hoping that our love would be strong enough to shrug off every problem we had encountered, but then again, you need more than just love to keep a relationship. I've learned that the hard way, and by hard I mean HARD! We officially broke up four months ago and I'm suffering real bad...
move on.
I've never had 2nd chance..so i really had no idea. From my opinion, maybe the couple should discuss what's the main thing happen in between their relationship. Maybe this would help to solve their problem. If he/she insist to break up, then there's no point arguing back again. It's wasting time as well.....
work on the relationship and communicate what went differently.
1-2 years later sounds a bit extreme dont you think? my mum and stepdad had a HARD time throughout the years - they broke up so many times, did the long distance and everything. but now theyre married and they never fight. theyre truly my inspirations for life. sounds cheesy but maaaaaan am i happy for them.. and all because they didnt give up on eachother.