This is a guest blog submitted by just_CoMmEnTs91.I recently entered and exited a long-distance relationship. By long distance, I mean 45 minutes away, but for a student with a full time job, this is long distance.
He was the perfect guy. Tall, handsome, sweet, and ideal. And I was a fool swept away in a dream.
At the beginning of it all, I seriously believed that it would work. We talked every night, extensively, and there was a true connection between us. I didn't believe the whole, "Long distance doesn't work; there are other people closer and more available" BS.
...Whoops. Let me remind everyone that I had truly invested myself in this.
I thought everything was fine.
There were no warning signs at all; it seemed like any other day.
Until I saw the profile change...
"12/14/08, best day of my life. thank you so much adam<3 I love you!"
Here's the problem: My name isn't Adam.
Would you ever enter into a long-distance relationship? Why or why not?
Would you be okay with knowing that there are those "others" that you may or may not be competing with?
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Comments (60)
I, myself, have been in a couple of long-distance relationships. I pretty much just took myself out of one now because the distance was weighing it down. Oh yeah, and the fact he just cut off all contacts with me should probably be factored in as well. I suppose, just based on my past couple of experiences, I would not want to try long-distance relationships anymore, unless the person is REALLY worth it.
And, I thought I would be ok with "competing" with others, but it turns out I'm not. I get paranoid (I don't show it, ha), and it just causes even more stress than necessary.
Sorry about your relationship :(. Are you sure this Adam person isn't just a friend though? I say I love you to a lot of my guy friends...although I don't always publish it online.
Nevertheless, don't let this ruin your holidays :)
I have been in and out of a LOT of long-distance relationships and I'm currently in one. And by long-distance we're talking two different continents long distance.. As in I'm in the Philippines, he's in the US.
I'm not sure if the question is it being long-distance. I think it's more of the honesty and openness. But I understand that the distance can play a significant role in how honest and open you are to your partner. For me and my boyfriend, it's working for us. Because of the distance, we exert extra effort to communicate. So...
As for competition.... eh life is a competition. And there are times you are in competitions and you don't even know you're playing.
My boyfriend and I are from the same town but go to different schools. So right now, it's not long distance, but during the semesters, it is. We just got through our first semester apart. to be honest, I didn't have faith in myself. I trusted him. Then again, he never gave me any signs to worry about. When I left for school, I was crying and he kept saying "I'm not going anywhere. There's no use in missing what's not gone." Of course I didn't want to tell him why I was crying - I thought I would meet somebody else and lose feelings for my boyfriend.
But we talked every night, saw each other at least one weekend every month, and held strong. And I overcame my insecurities because I realized that anything that might grab my attention would not be worth giving up what I have with him right now.
It's a matter of priorities, I think. If you really care about the other person, you will make it work. If you don't, then it won't work. And that's kind of a good thing, because there's no use wasting time and emotion on somebody who doesn't get your heart pumping. In your situation, you deserve somebody whose heart gets faster when he thinks of you - so do your best to brush it off and realize that there is somebody out there who is worthy of you.
Long distance can work, but it takes the right combination of people, and the right kind of people, to make it work. Long distance is all about trust and commitment, and it can be damn hard. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not for everyone. If you feel like you need to worry about "other people," people who are closer to your SO, it's just going to add stress to the already trying relationship. It takes dedication and determination for both people in the relationship, and sometimes it's just too much for one, or both, people. For me, I no longer even have eyes for any other men, the only person I can think of is my boyfriend, who is somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean right now, and I know myself and therefore know that I can handle this, I can deal with the distance, because to me my boyfriend is worth it. I don't worry about other women because of the honestly in our relationship, we talk about literally everything, including his numerous past "flings" I guess we'll call them. If your SO has found someone else, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it, which always sucks, but I would talk to him first. If he can't handle the long distance, then you're probably better off trying to find someone else, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and will be able to have the same commitment to a relationship as you. Good luck!
To answer your questions:
Yes, I would enter a long distance relationship because I believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder (that's if the person is willing to do it, too.)
I wouldn't be okay if there was competition. I would completely dump the person nor care about them. I don't want to compete for something that I may lose the battle in.
I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He's studying abroad in London until June and I am in California. We both invested to find time to talk to each other once a day and we're able to make it work for the past 4 months already. We just have another 6 months to go!
I am currently in my first long distance which i promised myself i would never do.
but i realize now you don't do these kinds of things unless the person is REALLY worth it. Like, so beyond words. I mean, i love affection, physical attention and seeing the guy. you don't get that in long distance. You get text message, phone calls and emails.
we started dating during the summer and it just was so amazing neither of us wanted to let go. so we haven't.
In the start of school, about 4 months ago when he left i thought he wanted it open so i never called him on it. After seeng him a few times i decided to tell him don't sleep with anyone or i was out. and he informed me he had no intention of it nor did he want to. he didn't even know it was open, he hadn't touched anyone. I spent 2 months thinking he was with other girls to find out i was his only one. That was an amazing twist.
But had he said he was sleeping with other people and wanted to continue I would have let this become something minimal and not as important in my mind. It would either grow when he would come back or it would diminish into nothing. Either way, being completely open and asking made everything clear in my mind.
I have also done the long distance relationships..as in 2 hours long distance..made it work for 2 years..and as you..I got left with the no warning signs..
Wow, that's just messed up of her.
I would be okay with a long distance relationship, in fact I kinda had one but it wasn't official or anything.
I would not be okay with the "others" unless my boyfriend and I were really serious.
But if we were just in the early stages, I wouldn't be okay with the "others".
I have never dated in my life. Maybe I have high expectations, maybe I haven't met the right person, maybe I really am asexual and will soon start undergoing binary fission. Maybe I shouldn't be the person to offer you dating advice. But after reading your article, I have to ask; do you really want to be in a relationship where you can't see that person whenever you want? Is it really worth it to always have to make plans to see your significant other? You're young (and yes, I know I'm younger). Do you really want to tie yourself down into a relationship with that much responsibility. I'm not asking all of this with the sense of critiscism or wisdom, but from sheer curiousity. Would you honestly prefer a telephone conversation to a cuddle or a make out session?
I definitely feel your pain,
I too, was in a long distant relationship. (1500 miles) And at first it was great, until he stopped returning my phone calls, texting me, etc.
It was only 4 months later that all of a sudden he called and told me he cheated on me, and didn't know how to handle it. He said he still loved/missed me, and we got back together.
However, 2 months later, I felt it wasn't there anymore.
Meaning if one person isn't into it the first time, how can you continue a relationship.
I would never get into another LDR again, unless the relationship was extremely serious.
but I respect those who can make it work
I've seen long distance relationships work, it's just that both have to be patient and loyal.
I never thought I'd enter nor did I want to enter a long-distance relationship & now 2 years later, surprise surprise! My boyfriend of 2 years & I have started doing long distance. We had met back in college & now that we've moved back home, there's a 900-mile gap between us. Now that I'm in it, I wouldn't have traded this for a closer relationship because I love him with my whole heart & there's no one else I'd rather see myself with than him.
Long distance relationships do work & they can succeed but only if both parties are equally invested in it, especially when you know it's going to be long term.
As for competition, there is no such thing as competition when you're in love & you both know that this is it. Otherwise, forget it. Why would I want to be in a relationship when I have to fight for my guy's love & attention? That's not how it goes. If he loves me, he will not have eyes nor care for any other girl but me. If he can't control himself, why would I want to be with him? That's not the type of guy I would want to be with nor spend the rest of my life with.
I was in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. I live in Kansas and he lived in Colorado which is about 8 hours away. At first everything was great we talked on the phone alot.
Then things started to change, I could kinda tell that he wasn't 100 percent happy anymore. To make a long story short, he ended up breaking up with me to be in another long distance relationship with someone else.
I'm not saying that long distance relationships don't last, they just take alot of work and both people have to want to put the effort in the relationship.
I'm not sure if I would ever want to be in a long distance relationship again though.
I wouldn't do it. after a while it would seem like they're not real. I'm not the kind of person for it.
Long distance takes A LOT of trust, communication, and commitment. The long distance has to be a temporary thing though...You can't really have a relationship if you don't see a future with the two of you being together.
I am in a long distance relationship for over a year now and still going strong. When we first started dating, I was very cautious and I was afraid of the "competition" because we're so far apart. I took a couple months to build up trust between us and we talked every single day and we still do. We both commited to the relationship and although the visits were short and very few, it was hard, but we work(ed) through it.
Long distance works if you're in the right mindset and if you know what to expect. With trust, communication, and commitment, it doesn't fail.
Are you sure that profile thing is romantically associated?
But yea, I hate that feeling where you think one thing, but someone proves it all wrong :(
CONFRONT. CONFRONT. Don't assume :(
Good luck!
I've invested myself in a LDR. Currently in one, actually. And it is pretty far. I'm a little amazed at myself. So far...only 3 and half months in, I feel it's going very very well. And I also have a feeling it'll continue that way for quite some time. I mean...I guess it all depends on the connection, you know? Because the connection I've got is pretty strong. He's helped me through the most extreme part of my life, and I've helped him through his. We're there for each other all the time, really. The time difference is a little bit of a roadblock sometimes, but we find ways to go around them. I live on the west coast, he lives in the mid west. 2 hour differences. Everyday for school, I wake up 4:00 my time to wake him up 6:00 his time so he can get up and start his day. He wants it, I want it, so it's what I do. On weekends and such, he waits until at least 8:00 my time to call me and wake me up.
But with all this rambling and nonsense I just filled the world with, I think LDR's can work, they just NEED work.
Long Distance relationships just do not work. That is it. There is no argument that can be made, nothing that can be said. They are doomed from the start. I was in one and it died out. Too much pressure and not enough time to be together. Seriously, we all need to realize that it will never work.
@engel2008 - ooohhhh ive never seen one of these scams until now. very interesting!
i've done a long distant thing.. didn't really enjoy it all that much.. so i found someone closer to home...now im in love. sure we have more downs that ups.. but i still love him..
I think if two people really really love each other, trust each other, and want to be with one another enough, there isn't anything that can stop them from being together. not even distance.
been there done that!!
i was 6,5 yrs together with him (where getting a divorce now) i was in germany and he lived in VA.. we had about 2yrs LDR (1 at the begining from the RS and one on the end) and it was sooo hard!! its hard if u are soo far apart with about 9K miles and 6hrs time diffrence..
i also said never again but forget that.. it will happen again.. well it happend to me.. my BF is even a lil farer away and we have 7hrs time diffrece.. but just like hopeless said if the 2 really love each other it will work out
I recently too just exited a long distance relationship. It is really dificult and these questions are some that I had to ask myself throughout it all. I would agree that eventually distance tore us apart- the distance also took us back to being just friends. I think I wouldnt mind doing it again. As long as you truly trust the person youre in the relationship with, then it should all be fine, assuming your decision to put your trust in him/her was correct.
i was still in a LDR a month ago.
he's my first love, in Texas and i'm in China.
unfortunate as it sounds, he broke up with me and got back with his ex, who lives 2 hours of drive away. it crushed me to no end 'cause i was faithful to him the entire time and even now, i still love him. however, with sympathy.
in retrospect, i still couldnt believe he broke up with me 1 month before our reunion (in xmas). i thought it would work out in the end. but no, when either one stops devoting into the LDR, it's not worth it anymore.
PS. those two scumbags deserve each other, i deserve better :o)