This is a guest blog submitted by stupid_systemus. I've seen relationships spiral into chaos and bitter break-ups. Some relationships become ghosts of their former selves... empty shells of what they used to be: fun, exciting, adventurous, unexplored territory, new frontier, etc. Divorces are happening left and right. I blame Kate Hudson.
There's a
new study conducted in in the UK claiming that watching romantic comedies can spoil your love life. Instead of copy-pasting the article, I'll summarize the content:
Romantic comedies promote unrealistic expectations when it comes to love. The study found that people who are fans of 'Runaway Bride' and 'Notting Hill' often failed to communicate with their partners. Many participants of the study held a view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without telling them.
The study named a list of movies from 1995 to 2005 with common unrealistic themes. Some people studied believed that if someone is meant to be with you, then they will know what you want without your needing to communicate it. In one of the projects, 100 student volunteers watched 'Serendipity' and 100 watched a David Lynch drama. Those that watched 'Serendipity' were found to be more likely to believe in fate and destiny.
I got nothing against Kate Hudson.
I could have picked Jennifer Lopez, Julia Roberts or Meg Ryan, but Kate Hudson has a new movie coming out called "Bride Wars". Also, many of her previous movies are romantic comedies:
- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (saw it...)
- Alex & Emma (... saw it...)
- Le Divorce
- Raising Helen
- You, Me, & Dupree
- Fool's Gold (... saw it... did well in theaters, but still...)
- My Best Friend's Girl
I think the study is on to something. I believe that many people today expect WAY too much from their companions. I'm not talking about getting a good grade in school... that can be remedied by going to class, talking to your teacher, reading your book, studying with other students and realizing that if you are in trouble don't be a freshman and stop showing up in class, which could result in your getting an F and/or academic probation. I'm talking about putting your significant other in this pedestal. That's not who they are. You aren't looking at them. You are looking at Matthew McConaughey, Hugh Grant, Kate Beckinsale, or ... Kate Hudson (I wouldn't mind looking at the other Kate
).
People watch these movies and see the chemistry and bonds of the main characters develop and blossom into a relationship in 1 1/2 to 2+ hours. Just as the study said, these unrealistic qualities don't just develop overnight. They take years to develop. Your boyfriend is not going to know you don't like olives in your pizza if he barely sees you eat pizza because of your constant dieting, even though your weight only fluctuates between 5-10 pounds between fall/winter seasons. Your girlfriend will always know you didn't shower because pouring cologne on yourself when you haven't taken a bath or showered will make you stink more than before.
However, your girlfriend will not know what you are thinking or feeling if you don't drop the tough guy act and pretend everything is okay. You're in a relationship, right? Be in one: Share. Talk. Communicate. Many relationships I know of ended due to bad communication. Don't be stubborn. Talk it out. Don't expect anything. Ask. Don't act like everything is okay. Work it out.
Anyway, forget all previous notions about predestined love and every 'unrealistic' themes in romantic comedies. They're superlatives of what is and what could be. If you don't, Kate Hudson will ruin your love life.
I'm done.
True 
Comments (55)
I wanted to see Bride Wars it looks hilarious
Well, what about The Last Kiss with Zach Braff? Kate Hudson isn't in that one.
"However, your girlfriend will not know what you are thinking or feeling
if you don't drop the tough guy act and pretend everything is okay.
You're in a relationship, right? Be in one: Share. Talk. Communicate.
Many relationships I know of ended due to bad communication. Don't be
stubborn. Talk it out. Don't expect anything. Ask. Don't act like
everything is okay. Work it out."
i agree.. fully.
Well said.
Hell yeah. Agreed.
hmmm... I'm not sure chick flicks are completely to blame. Apparently people who watch these movies seem to think their SO should automatically know what they want; but in most chick flicks the guy is confused out of his mind....
Normally the relationship gets into a spot of trouble because of lack of communication, but it is remedied once they talk it out.
I don't think these movies promote unrealistic expectations about love. I think Disney Princess movies do.
But at the same time - if you're attracted to watching these sorts of comedies...
Doesn't that show you have a predisposition to thinking in this way anyway?
And, depending how the study was done - did people get to choose which movie they saw?
Additionally, perhaps we all have "unrealistic" expectations from all of the movies and stories we've ever seen or read (even the cute little Disney movies we watched growing up). And then we see something like a David Lynch drama, and it snaps us back into "reality" for a bit (F**K QUE SERA SERA!!)
I could go on... I am going to stop.
(though my thoughts are lingering along the lines that player/jerk fellows are winning because of the ways that gentlemen are portrayed in movies...)
Hmmmm very nice. :)
The ironic thing is instead of having movies based on real life, real life becomes based on the movies.
plz cite your sources. I'd like to read the study.
@Muddled_Jinni@xanga - while normally I applaud people who like to correct correlation/causation mix-ups... I suspect that the OP is on the right track. After all, propensity towards believing in fate isn't really something that's inborn, is it? it would have to be nurtured somewhere along the line, and RomComs are the most likely candidate, as far as I'm concerned. It's not like they've never watched one before, right?
Thank you so much for posting this--it was super helpful. Without going into detail, you've said things that I have thought (but not articulated) for some time now.
I'm not that big of a fan of romantic comedies, but I watch them every once in a while. I feel like, being in a relationship, you just want to take the easy way out and hope that they know what you're thinking and (as much as I hate to admit it) I'm kind of guilty of this. If it's something that's going to bother you for days, don't put unnecessary stress on the relationship and let it out already!
i used to love romantic comedies, especially those with main characters in high school (like a walk to remember) and believed that in high school, romance would find me, too. i'm graduating from high school in june, and i am now more likely to roll my eyes at a chick flick than sigh. hahah
those chick flicks will only ruin your relationship if you actually believe them. it's a movie, that's it...even if it's based on a true story or true events, it's still only a movie. watch it for its entertainment value only and never take advice from them...and if you do, too bad.
I think romantic comedies are dangerous for those prone to live in their own imaginary world.. there's a lot of people who are like that. They dream of the perfect prince who will rescue them & all that stuff.
However, I think they're feel-good movies that encourages viewers to continue believing in love.
Now, I enjoy romantic comedies [& I've seen a great deal of them] but I don't go around thinking I'm gonna find the perfect guy & we're gonna get married & things will be just peachy.. I'm a pretty grounded person & I know nothing good in life is gonna come easy & relationships require a lot of work.. So I think that survey is a bit off 'cause they should have asked what types of movies the people were more inclined to watch & their takes on love prior to watching the movies. Now that would make the study more accurate as there's a baseline to compare the gathered data with.
@BlackSunshine7@xanga - I think that the Last Kiss would be going for the opposite effect. That's a very 'real' movie (as far as Hollywood goes, that is.)
Eh, I guess the study is on to something. Just wondering, though, were the 200 people equally divided? Men v.s. women? Religious v.s. non-religious? There are tons of factors that go unnoticed in these studies, so I don't really know if those should be solid, believable statistics. The reason why I sound so anal about this is because I love hopeless romantic comedies and all that jazz, but I'm not going to expect some fairy tale man to cater to my every whim and read my freaking mind. Haha, that'd be creepy.
Very good post. I'm not a big fan of romantic comedies (except Love Actually). I think that the same can be said about Disney movies as well. They stereotype young boys to be the tough guys who always have to save the day and rescue the girl. And young girls grow up thinking that they have to be a princess and that there is some prince charming out there who will whisk them away and have some fairy tale ending. I don't really need a prince to rescue me, although it would be nice sometimes. Haha : )
it's the same as liking Edward Cullen - I can't stand him.
omg i am that unrealistic person ..haha..
I enjoy chick flicks mostly so I can make fun of them...some of the dialogue is so bad it's almost funny. Case in point:
In "Monster in Law," when Jennifer Lopez first meets her future fiance, she tests him to see if he actually pays attention to her assets OTHER than her, um, assets, by asking him what color her eyes are...then she turns around so he can guess.
I don't remember his response word-for-word, but he gave some schpeel about how "sometimes they're brown, but when the sun hits them they look blue," some cheesy poetic crap like that, which made me throw up in my mouth a little.
I consider myself to be "deep" and "philosophical" and whatnot, but if I'm talking to a really hot guy and if he asks me what color his eyes are, I doubt I'd even remember. I don't pay attention to details like that unless his eyes happen to be REALLY striking, or if I've actually fallen in love with him.
And doesn't it churn your stomach knowing that most guys in movies actually chase after a girl whenever she says "Leave me alone" and walks away? I have always wanted a guy to do that for me. As all women should know, "Leave me alone" does not always mean a woman actually wants to be alone...rather, it's when she needs you most. My last boyfriend said he never chases after me if I'm mad at him because he's afraid of me when I get angry. Heh.
Agreed. Heartily. I'm not even a sucker for that kind of stuff but when I find myself watching The Notebook (ok, i only saw it once) or something similar, I really want that. I mean REALLY want that.
The thing is, it's impossible. Movies which are that charming show a snapshot of a life, or snapshots of a life (if it's about someone's entire existence). What it doesn't go into is the little details that would happen and need to be dealt with in real life - which is what separates real life from fantasy. But real life loses its appeal when something so perfect is acted out so convincingly that you think that it COULD happen to you.
haha i love kate hudson and all those romantic comedies! no wonder i'm single lol
I love books and movies that is related to fantasy or love, but sometimes you have to get your feet on the ground and realise that this is reality. And some people are mushy, you just don't find them that often.