Sunday, 21 December 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish: A Girl Making The First Move, Is That Right?
Dr. Datingish
I've been crushing on this guy ever since August. I've looked at him from afar, gushed about him with my friends and even "stalked" him on his Friendster account. I even ask those that know him to give me bits and pieces about him, where does he live, what does he do in his free time, etc.We've been introduced to each other by a mutual friend but I've always been too shy to talk to him and I believe he the same with me. But I keep hoping that'll change someday, whether it be with him or me, so we can become friends, then maybe possibly more.
But here comes the tough part. A friend of mine texted me on a Sunday that she saw my crush with a girl in the mall. The next day, Monday, another friend of mine told me that she saw him and the same girl that my other friend saw at church (I've clarified this statement and it's true). Don't get me wrong. My first reaction was, "OMG! Are they together?" That has always been my reaction whenever I see a crush and a girl, especially if they're over the friends boundary.
Guess what? I think they are together. Or at least, still in the courting stage. I'm not jealous, really. Why would he look at me if that other girl's prettier and much more his type? But the story behind their courtship shocked me to no end.
The girl made the first move.
The girl pretended to be someone else through text messages.
Then the girl finally revealed who she was, a schoolmate of his (and mine).And now, he's courting.
Honestly, this may be the 21st century and girls asking the boys out is of no surprise, but I've always been the boys ask the girls out type of girl. I've always believed in that, until this point in time.
Do you think it's okay if the girl makes the first move? Why or why not?
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Comments (89)
Of course it's ok. If not, I mean look what happened to you, someone else swoops in. Although, I don't know, some guys might be put off by it and think you're too forward.
This post kind of made me facepalm.
Yes, it's okay for the girl to make the first move. We may not want to but it isn't socially unacceptable or anything, and I'm never shocked when I hear of the girl making the first move.
Studies show that most guys would be HAPPY if girls made more of the first moves, and often makes guys more interested. Good luck, just don't be a stalker.
Yes. All's fair in love and war.
it would be a lot easier if a girl asked a guy out. maybe he felt the same towards you but suppressed it because he think you don't see him the same way and that why you don't talk to him. so yes, girl can make the first move.
I've never made the first move asking out a guy, because I find it too embarassing, but I have talked to the guys first, and most of the time it has a positive outcome. Once I talked to the guy I liked randomly in the hallway, asking about his hockey game, he talked to me again the next day.
Of course it's okay. Guys are shy about asking girls out, too. It's easier to just break the ice if you really want it.
I think it's fine, but personally would prefer that the guy do it. I'm too shy. ^^
I always make the first move. Apparently I "intimidate" guys, so nothing would ever happen if I didn't. I've never been turned down yet. ;) Guys actually like it. Really. It shows you're confident, and that's always attractive.
Of course it's okay. I've just about always made the first move on a guy I liked, or at least I was the first one to make my feelings known. Once I told my mom about how I did that with this one guy, and she said that I was being too forward and that I should have waited for him to say something first. But in my eyes, I felt that this guy was never going to tell me how he felt if I didn't say anything.
I would prefer if a guy (that I actually liked back) came up to me first, but that has yet to happen
@Pterota@xanga - I feel the same way. I think I come across as being intimidating, so even if a guy liked me and it was obvious, they'd never actually say anything. But I've had my share of rejections, and I'm glad for that because it's good practice and it helps me take these things more lightly. I have a friend who's a year above me in college and she still acts like a shy little middle school kid who's too afraid to confess to the guy she likes.
I'm completely okay with that. I have to take the initiative a lot, because someone's a pansy. . . Hehehe.
I used to be that kinda traditional girl too, but I got sick and tired of waiting. So I had to take action.
uhggg i really want to make the first move too but i can because if he says no then i will have to see him every day in class.
There's nothing wrong with making the first move. We're in the 21st century right? Being female isn't a viable excuse for being shy anymore. All are equal.
this question is ridiculous. i'm sorry, but if you're afraid of making the first move, then you didn't deserve this guy. this girl did what she wanted to do; she made the first move and that's why she's dating him. how are you shocked?
i hate these "i'm a girl, i'm not allowed to make the first move!" kinds of things. it's fine if you don't want to, but the fact that you're asking if you think it's okay is completely ridiculous.
Totally acceptable for the girl to make the first move. Hell it's what I did, and nothing bad has come of it. Honestly... this post -made- me *headdesk*.
As females we aren't living at home being the "homely housemaker" anymore.. we can make the moves, we can get the attention, and we can be productive people.
If you want something/someone... go and get it yourself, don't wait for it to be handed to you on a platter.
I honestly had to look away from this post and laugh, along with a shake of head.
I don't see anything wrong it. >.>; Though I'd be more happy if the guy made the first move, cause I'm so shy. ._.
Girls can totally make the first move. Make things happen for yourself! Don't just wait around. :)
Yeah its fine of course or you risk losing a chance with someone great?
Yes, it is.
I crushed really hard for my former co-worker. When we both left the company, I had my chance to go and get him.
I made the first move by kissing him. Now, he's mine. =) I had the courage to do so, so can you.
Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?
it would be nice to have drinks on her ;)
I don't have a problem wih her having made the first move, but I think it's a little weird that she pretended to be someone else.