Sunday, 21 December 2008
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How Do I Flirt...Intelligently?
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
I thought I knew how to flirt, but apparently I can only do it with people who are already my friends. I realized I don't know how to flirt with guys I'm just meeting for the first time.
I'm really sarcastic and cynical and I don't know how to stop that.
My sister said to act "dumb" in front of guys to make them seem smarter, but I don't want to change who I am. How does one "intelligently" flirt?
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Comments (57)
not too much sass, just enough wit to get them interested without turning them off.
make jokes. laugh at their jokes. =)
Just be pleasant and kind and show interest in him. If you have to play dumb, though, you're flirting with the wrong guy. Better to save it for someone who's at least as smart as you are. Nor should you ever be anything other than yourself for someone you'd like to get with. Putting on an act is just deceptive. It would let him fall in love with the person you're not only to surprise him later and possibly not pleasantly.
really shows if you have to dumb yourself down eh
If you are naturally sarcastic, then I say keep being so. There's no sense in supressing a part of your personality. Just tone it down a bit, and maybe deliver it with a smile. Also, touch him. Not like groping or molesting, but like, a light tap on the shoulder or arm when you laugh or something.
Wit.
Don't dumb yourself down.
eye contact
smile
laugh
thats all you really need
If you feel you have to dumb yourself down, you're probably flirting with the wrong guy.
all u have to be is pleasant and make lots of eye contact, maybe the stray brush of hands, and he'll be hooked. just don;t overdo it.
Ask them questions about themselves (These often start with "So")...like "so, where did you grow up?"
laugh at their jokes.
you can lightlu touch theim arm r hand for a sec...especially while makinga point or when they say something funny (in which case you can be like "stop!" or "get out!" or "no way!".
touch your hair once or twice. Feet and bellybutton pointed at someone is powerful. dont cross your arms (there are exceptions but lets not go there...and certainly dont ross arms and legs together. if you cross your legs...top leg is to the side of the person u r talking to, because the other side is getting "the cold shoulder."
if they r bantering you...playing back is fine. I think a previous posted called it "sass."
I'd recommend a book called "Superflirt" by Tracey Cox. "Superdate" is good as a 2nd book...but I can't cant vouch for her other books.
-Cuisine
never dumb yourself down, ever.
not only does it give someone a false perception of you (and you are lying), but it will make you feel awful in the long run.
Just be what you are
THAT'S AWFUL ADVICE (to dumb yourself down)
And WHAT?! - you've had PROBLEMS being sarcastic and cynical with guys?
Holy shit... that's how I flirt!
And it actually works! I suppose it's just the crowd...
But even with the "dumber" guys - they think it's charming when you're witty-sarcastic-cynical.
Only very conservative-ish guys like the whole "dumb" thing - they want a woman who will cook and have kids for them. That "classic" image.
Wow. I mean - I don't know of many guys who actually like that whole "dumbing down" thing. I've always had guys come up to me and rat on some girl who was talking with them about how stupid she was.
They'll act nice while the girl is talking to them - but behind her back, they'll talk all sorts of shit about her.
And yes, I have seen guys go out with girls who are dumb. Usually however, the guy has low self-esteem - and the girl is very attractive so she acts more like a trophy to him.
Going on, you can also always bit a hit with anyone asking others about themselves. (don't ever ever talk about yourself too much - that doesn't just apply to flirting - it applies to everything - and people will LOVE you)
(don't overdo it of course)
SO NO
DON'T EVER ACT DUMB
You will definitely be talked about - in the sense that someone just wants to sleep with you, etc.... But nothing else.
I am still shocked that you seem to have problems with the whole sarcastic humor approach.
I mean - WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING for these guys?
A small isolated village of a hometown AND everyone's IQ is below 100?
Goodness gracious.
be yourself. i know loads of guys and girls that dig my sarcastic and witty self ;)
@Muddled_Jinni@xanga - Conservative Guys don't like that kind of thing. Jerks do, some of whom are conservative. I'm a conservative, and I find girls who are vapid to be unattractive.
Also, to the author, witty and sarcastic is GOOD, unless the guys you are flirting with are DUMB. As an official "guy," I'm sure of it. Don't take your sister's advice. Being someone other than who you are early on will only cause problems later on. BTW, don't mistake being mean for sarcastic, and try to be clear when you're being sarcastic and witty that you're not trying to insult the guy. Sometimes, some people just come across the wrong way, and need to work on clearing things up a bit. Just a thought.
if you spot someone across the room and once you know he is looking at you.. make eye contact and smile (a sly seductive smile) you can walk across the room or if he starts meet him half way (don't be afraid to make the 1st approach... most guys are afraid of rejection and are attracted to women who aren't afraid to make a first move) ... then just make conversations. laugh and smile. slightly touch his arm or shoulder (when necessary)... this works for me :) its how i got my boyfriend ;)
@JadedJanissary@xanga - I said "conservative ISH"
There's a difference!
(between conservative and conservative-ish)
I suppose it's because the only time I've ever seen the whole "dumb thing" go down as having worked was between fellows, under the guise of being sweet old fashioned, but head strong conservatives swindled naive genuinely sweet old fashioned wannabe-headstrong conservative girls.
My word, that was a long sentence.
NUMBER 1
slap your sister for telling you stupid ish like to act dumb.!
Now to the matter at hand.!
the only smart way to flirt is to be yourself.! think about it, if you meet a guy for the first time and you pretend to be someone you are not and he falls for it, he will dump you when you start to be yourself, unless you can put up an act forever and that is never worth it. At the end of the day just be yourself. There is nothing better than being with a guy that appreciates your sarcasim and you being cynical
Don't change who you are at all.
Smart women are HOT.
Sounds like the guys you'd be interested in are intelligent enough for you to not dumb anything down. Keep the sarcasm and cynicism, add some dry wit and you should be fine. My opinion is that you have a good recipe going already making it easier to divide the keepers from the rest. If he can't keep up, doesn't want the challenge or just flat-out has a dumb look on his face, move on.
Unless, of course, you'd prefer the not so bright, not so funny.
WOW! So many different response, I think you should first ask yourself what is it that you really want to get from FLIRTING???? Why do you want to flirt with guys in the begining? To receive attention or maybe just to have some fun?
I honestly TOTALLY objected on every responses you got from in these particular entry. I will suggest you to HIGHLY dumb yourself down for safety! Easier way out when guys trying to take advantage on you physically. That would lower their cautious on ya smarting them out to be able to get away w/ things "per say, RAPE YOU". by acting dumb, mens will not be aware you actually have a shield.
But in other cases, such as for fun and receiving attentions from guys and not care "what the consequences to" in another word, you don't mind in having sex w/ mens...the only way to flirt intellingently is YOUR GUTS!!! Most mens "older" "younger" No matter what you do, if you can show them you have no fear in things (excluding troubles) I meant you have no fear in trying new things. They willl love you for it!
So you ask yourself what do you want???
eye contact.
smile.
tilt your head.
look away.
rinse and repeat?
and find better guys if you have to dumb yourself down. be nice, but tease a bit. and laugh when they're trying to be funny.
I usually find just making fun of one another to be a great way of flirting.
i have never had a guy flirt with me, of course i wouldn't know if a man was flirting with me, oy. i would just be me, if a man doesn't like me, then he's not worth all the flirting anyway.
I wouldn't really change your style. Some people like sarcasm; most people confuse it with wit, but whatever. If you really want to flirt differently, just be coy. Practice with your friends, memorize those lines, and there you have 'em. Haha, sounds simple, but the execution will probably be torturous. Good luck! I'm sure you don't need it, though. =]