This is a guest blog submitted by Liera.The first time I ever fell hard for a guy was in grade 9. I was 14, he was 17, and we met through church. I first saw him after church one Sunday; he was playing basketball with his friends and from far away, I could make out this good-looking, well-built guy doing a layup. In my mind, I distinctly remember thinking, "damn, that guy is fine!" but I was too shy to talk to him. We actually met at a church BBQ later that summer - we played beach volleyball in the rain and got really dirty in the sand. Up close, he was just as gorgeous as I had imagined. (Joh, if you're reading this now, I know you must be laughing at me!) We started talking more after that, mainly online and on the phone 'cause we went to different high schools in the same city, but we got to see each other at church on Sundays and at youth fellowships on some Saturdays. At some point, we both admitted that we had feelings for each other and he helped me through a tough time in my life then. However, with the age difference and his going off to another province for university, nothing ever happened between us. His departure hurt, and I remember crying at school the next day, knowing we'd never see each other again.
It's true. We never did see each other again. It's been over 7 years. I have no feelings for him anymore, and look back on that time as a fun-filled summer when I got to know an amazing guy who liked me back.
As I was cleaning out my Xanga message inbox tonight, I came across an old message that he had sent me last summer. He had somehow found my Xanga and was congratulating me on all my achievements during the years we lost touch. He told me a little bit about his life now, that he was working as a grocery manager at a supermarket back home and putting himself through more schooling, and I couldn't help feeling a little smug that I had done better in life than he had.
Last summer, I was on top of the world. I had an awesome finance internship in New York City, I was going into my senior year at an Ivy League school and I had the best boyfriend in the world who loved me. A part of me was glad that I never settled with this high school crush (before he left, he did tell me there were better guys out there for me) and that I had made a better life for myself. My response to his Xanga message was polite and curt, and I never gave that message much thought until I saw it again today.
He had told me that he and his current GF were planning to get married in November of 2008. I did a quick search on Facebook, and his profile picture was an engagement ring and wedding ring on a girl's hand. I messaged him again on Xanga tonight and he replied, confirming that they had indeed gotten married on November 22nd. Immediately, I felt overwhelmingly happy for him and sad for myself - not out of jealousy, but out of shame. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself that I could've looked down on him because of this stupid notion that I had somehow done "better" than him in life.
What do I have today? A degree from the same Ivy League university. A great job in New York City. But the guy who I thought was the love of my life betrayed me and abandoned me, bringing me to the lowest point in my life that I can remember.
What does he have today? He found
the one.
With that one thing, he managed to up all my other accomplishments.
I suddenly realized that finding "the one" - your one, true love - is the biggest success a person can have in life. That life companion who will love you, stay with you, and support you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. Without that person, life will always be incomplete. You will always be searching for that puzzle piece to complete your happiness. You'll always be looking for that reason to wake up in the morning.
I may have achieved a lot that looks good on paper, but he was able to find something priceless.
Johann, I wish you and Maggie a long and happy marriage together, and I can only hope that I find my "one" someday.
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Comments (62)
Aww, I feel like I'm going to be you one day.
... sorry you had to come to the realization the way you did - but you're very right.
Don't feel bad...it's something that just happened....he moved away and you stayed. Not everyone finds "the one" at age 22 or whatever. You have accomplished so much! Do not feel bad and beat yourself up for doing that...you will find "the one" someday :)
Well, if anyone says she had a high school crush on me, she's probably lying! Nobody in her right mind liked me back then.
I'm glad the girls I had crushes on are now doing well. It just shows that I had good taste
Aw, that's sweet. :)
Hey, maybe there IS a guy out there for you who IS THE ONE. Maybe he'll be able to match up to your Ivy League degree. Maybe he'll be able to match up to your everything else too.
Who knows?
don't get discouraged. I'm glad you realized that having a degree and an amazing job won't always comfort the mind and soul at the end of the day. I'm sure a girl with a resume like that (lol just kidding) won't have a problem finding a gorgeous, sincere, and loving guy sometime soon.
This was well written and sweet how you aren't afraid to confess these pass feelings to the world. I on the other hand.... Ok, so I like this guy and he likes my friend and to my face... well by xanga message he said "I'll let you guess who I like...." and that just sorta choked me up. I'm just a coward ha.
It's okay... happiness/validation/fulfillment/accomplishments are all different for everyone. He may have found the one first, but he's probably envious of you because you were able to graduate college and find your career before settling down. When YOU find the one, it'll be well worth it in the end. :o) And you should always strive for the better, why settle for anything less than what you deserve?
Good points, but this:
"I suddenly realized that finding "the one" - your one, true love - is
the biggest success a person can have in life. That life companion who
will love you, stay with you, and support you for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. Without that
person, life will always be incomplete."
I cannot fully agree with.
Say you've found your "one". Is that all there is to life? Of course not! Holding on that "one" is equally, if not more, important. That means working through conflicts, learning patience and understanding, etc.
My point is, finding the one should not be the goal in life. Rather, growing as a person through your relationship with your "one" and with others; This, in my opinion, is what we should strive for.
I just can't abide by the thought that our lives are judged by whether we've found "the one", or not. There has to be more to life than that.
(Sorry for the long response, just thinking out loud...)
i feel sorry for those who hold themselves so high but comes home at night to an empty house.
this was great
Lame...lame...lame!
Are you fucking kidding? You still follow up on guys you didn't have the balls to talk to when you were younger? Creep-fuckin-y...
This guy probably found the one by getting trampled and taking risks, not wishing for things he wished he had...
And you kept the feelings, you just had different distractions along the way...
What a fucking cop out...
Aw, I really loved your blog... it was great! And good luck with finding the "one" for yourself.
I'm sorry but I so disagree that "finding the one" is the biggest success in life. Yes, it is wonderful to have someone to come home to and to share everything with but you should be able to be proud of your successes and yourself NOT having to have someone by your side. What a dependent way to live life.
Great posting!!! It's funny how we realize something in life only after it is gone. I too believe finding the significant one and settling down to be one of the greatest achievement. I hope you find your soon and thanks for sharing a wonderful story...
this was really touching and amazing, :)
Sigh...99% of the people out there believe that their lives aren't complete until they find "the one."
Most people fail to realize that 'the one' is inside them the whole time. That feeling of complacency and self-worth comes from inside you and not being fed to you by another person.
"This guy probably found the one by getting trampled and taking risks, not wishing for things he wished he had..."
I agree, even though whatyourBFreallythinksis bitter.
I feel the same too, espeically my career suddenly turned grey these days. I have new idea of my future, perhaps, the greatest achievement for a woman is to find a good husband and have a family. I am still finding my one...that's kind of desperate for me though!
don't worry you'll find "the one". just be patient.
I'm pretty sure this is me, or perhaps will be me one day.
The one guy that I really, truly loved (I know this because I still find it hard to forgive him and forget about him) and I share the same major in college (He graduated before I entered the same university). He never got a chance to study abroad in Japan, and even now in his mid-20s, he still can't seem to land a job that's even related to his degree. Because of that I've always wanted to make myself feel better than him and "on the right track" (as I am currently studying abroad in Japan for my third year of college). I felt this way to try to ease the pain from him abandoning his feelings for me and then going back to his girlfriend that he had been with for three or four years. Now that they've gotten back together, I'm almost certain that they will be married one day, especially if they were able to overcome whatever issues they had before. I don't have any hard feelings towards his girlfriend, since I've never even met her. It's just the fact that the guy I once loved now loves someone else and not me...and I that I have yet to find that special someone (since I thought at one point that it could be him). That alone really is enough to measure up to all of my accomplishments.
Anyway, I liked this post, and I admire you for all your accomplishments. Ivy league is always impressive to me :)
this is sweet.
and i wish you'll find your "the one" sooner or later.
*hugs* :]
hahah, the one, the one, the one...
but does that title really entails?
Does the perfect boy comes in a "rdy to serve" package?
I believe not; though i do believe maybe there's A one that things just seems to click so much easily :)
Agreeing with emanbruin@xanga; "growing as a person through your relationship with your "one" and with others is the goal to reach.
Just keep in mind that both gotta work through a relationship to make it work oh, dontcha just sit around and pray~ :D
Nice sharing, good luck. Love is indeed priceless.
it is a good realization to have. :) don't beat yourself up for not realizing it sooner.