Tuesday, 16 December 2008

  • Sweet Girls Never Get The Cool Guys

    This is a guest blog submitted by deep_ocean_of_sorrow.

    Dear Datingish, Cool Guys and Sweet Girls,

    Just like how the Friend Zoned Guy fails to get the Hot Girl, I, the "Sweet Girl," cannot get the guy I want. Why?  Guys, help me out here and please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

    Here are some general things I do for the guys that I go for:
    1) Make some type of food for them
    2) Try to be thoughtful and make sure I am not "in the way" of whatever they're doing with the guys, work, school, etc.
    3) Converse with them normally, but still act flirty enough to give even the stupidest that I am interested (but not so much physically as in, showing my breasts, too much shoulder, legs etc).
    3b) I usually start conversations, but it's not like I'm trying to contact them every day...more like every few weeks.
    4) Give them SOME kind of gift (for their birthday/holidays, but I do this for a lot of my girlfriends too; I like gift-giving in general)

    I like to give gifts and today this guy I'm crushing on immediately refused my present for him. Here's how the text messages went:
    me: Hey! Happy Birthday! Since you did something for my birthday, I'd like to do something for you!
    guy: Oh thanks. I'm going to be hanging out with my friends tonight though.
    me: Oh yeah, yeah. That's okay. I'll just give you your gift when you have time; just tell me. Oh, but since I'd have to prepare for your gift, maybe give me a few minutes sometime this week or next week.
    guy: I don't want a gift.
    me: *thinking "what?!"* Why?
    guy: 'Cause I don't need anything

    I didn't know if I should feel angry that he probably thought my gift was stupid or sad that a guy just refused to even see me for a few minutes of his...TWO WEEKS!

    In the end, I told him I still wanted to thank him, and insisted on letting me give a gift, and to please accept it as a thank you gift. The conversation ended by him saying, "haha, aight," which doesn't really tell me that he will actually accept the gift or if he's ever going to even contact me anytime soon to meet me to ACCEPT the gift.

    It's been about two months since I've seen him and about a month since we had a real conversation.

    Is he just avoiding me or am I doing something wrong? To be honest, I never had a guy that I crushed on like me back, and maybe I'm just being a little bit too pushy and blunt? (but I thought guys didn't understand those "subtle hints"...) I just wonder how other girls/guys worse in personality can find BF/GFs. 

    What can I do to get guys to respond to me more positively? Sweet girls of Xanga, what other woes do you burden because of your sweetness?

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Comments (535)

  • Galileo7@xanga

    Since i don't know you this will a shot in the dark, but.....


    1) as the others have pointed out, he's not a cool guy; he's just the guy you crush on and because of that it contaminates your judgement


    2)  Do not stop being "sweet" if that is who you are.  My wife was exactly like you and i made damn sure she didn't get away.  Those who appreciate the traits you have will always be around.


    3)  If the guy was not interested don't take it personally; he was maybe immature.  Maybe he thought you were clingy and trying to mother him, although that is all relative.  Everybody needs different distancing, some even want detachment and coldness.


      Don't let all this get into your head
  • Jaime1909@xanga

    well the way u said "prepare ur gift" i think he thought like sex and maybe that freaked him out. your beautiful and u cook. u seem like a great gurl and idk for sure why he wont get a hold of u. get someone who likes u




    -jaime
  • sOmyste_riOus@xanga

    Heyy replying REALLY late, but i thought i'd include my input...um.. really your title is wrong.. I mean guys want a pretty girl (at the end of the day that's just what it comes down to) and judging by your picture you are.. BUT as you said the "cool" guys are also the same guys that have alot of girls crushing on 'em so it's up to YOU to make a lasting impression. I wouldn't necessarily agree with the moves you've made (i.e., cooking them dinner, buying them a gift) that comes off as desperate.. cool guys don't like desperate chicks, you'd be setting yourself up to get used.. however - you know if you kept it subtle as you said, but persistant - i think he'd give you a chance. . . but really are you willing to sit and wait for him to notice you? Take into account what these people said before me. Trust me you'll move on find a better guy worth your time. And yeah, if it's been 2 months since you've last talked to him... cut him off..

  • Hikaru1337

    That can come off as stalker-ish....I'm sorry, but it's true. 

    If he's the "cool guy" type that I think you are talking about....LEAVE HIM BE. Boys like that usually do not want a genuine girl...they just want to "score" and get on their way. Find a guy that actually returns those things you do.

    Now I may be seen as a cynic when I say this, but really: everything in this world comes at a price. If what you are doing gets no return of equal value, he is not a profitable match at all.  Move on. Find a more profitable match. 

    Besides, according to a very wise friend, there are two types of women: ones who get laid, and ones who get married. Choose which one you want to be. 

    To make a relationship, you need a balance of giving and taking. You are too permissive from my point of view...but that's just me. I think you need to show that you mean business, but also that you respect him as a person. Don't give him gifts and such until you are sure that he is worth it. Don't let him walk away or walk all over you. But that's my approach. 
  • zak_kiya@xanga

    maybe you were being a little annoying in your text.

    that guy sounds like a dick anyway.

    yea but... your text reminds me of something i did in 8th grade. i imed this guy i liked and ... yea it was a disaster. he was actually not dick-ish to my face about it, but the next day my entire grade knew that i imed him. it was the joke of the century.

    sooooo.. the lesson is, be less annoying, and don't pursue assholes. aka "cool guys." in my experience, they are born with the tendency to be dicks.
  • xO_jeannielovee@xanga

    i agree with everyone there. it seems when you were talking to him you seemed a bit TOO perky, TOO upbeat/hyper, TOO sweet. it's nice you would want to give him a gift, as you would for a bunch of your girl friends but, like what others said, you seem to be trying too hard. it's like you put your head in front of his everywhere he looks so he can pay attention to you.

    i guess my real point is this: mellow out, back off; don't be so clingy/touchy-feely with the guys you like.

    good luck xoxo
  • evilsharky@xanga

    forget the cool and the sweet girl thing. Guys like any kind of girl if she were his type. So i guess your just not his type.
  • twenty_s0mething@xanga

    Aww honey I feel for you :(

    It sounds like you tried really hard and he was really mean not to respect that.

    You are very pretty, btw.  So don't start questioning your physical attractiveness, because you're beautiful!
  • anonymous

    @straybullettttt@xanga - thank you for your compliment!
  • anonymous

    whoops, ignore above comment, my mistake

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