Tuesday, 16 December 2008
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Sweet Girls Never Get The Cool Guys
This is a guest blog submitted by deep_ocean_of_sorrow.Dear Datingish, Cool Guys and Sweet Girls,
Just like how the Friend Zoned Guy fails to get the Hot Girl, I, the "Sweet Girl," cannot get the guy I want. Why? Guys, help me out here and please tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Here are some general things I do for the guys that I go for:
1) Make some type of food for them
2) Try to be thoughtful and make sure I am not "in the way" of whatever they're doing with the guys, work, school, etc.
3) Converse with them normally, but still act flirty enough to give even the stupidest that I am interested (but not so much physically as in, showing my breasts, too much shoulder, legs etc).
3b) I usually start conversations, but it's not like I'm trying to contact them every day...more like every few weeks.
4) Give them SOME kind of gift (for their birthday/holidays, but I do this for a lot of my girlfriends too; I like gift-giving in general)
I like to give gifts and today this guy I'm crushing on immediately refused my present for him. Here's how the text messages went:
me: Hey! Happy Birthday! Since you did something for my birthday, I'd like to do something for you!
guy: Oh thanks. I'm going to be hanging out with my friends tonight though.
me: Oh yeah, yeah. That's okay. I'll just give you your gift when you have time; just tell me. Oh, but since I'd have to prepare for your gift, maybe give me a few minutes sometime this week or next week.
guy: I don't want a gift.
me: *thinking "what?!"* Why?
guy: 'Cause I don't need anythingI didn't know if I should feel angry that he probably thought my gift was stupid or sad that a guy just refused to even see me for a few minutes of his...TWO WEEKS!
In the end, I told him I still wanted to thank him, and insisted on letting me give a gift, and to please accept it as a thank you gift. The conversation ended by him saying, "haha, aight," which doesn't really tell me that he will actually accept the gift or if he's ever going to even contact me anytime soon to meet me to ACCEPT the gift.
It's been about two months since I've seen him and about a month since we had a real conversation.
Is he just avoiding me or am I doing something wrong? To be honest, I never had a guy that I crushed on like me back, and maybe I'm just being a little bit too pushy and blunt? (but I thought guys didn't understand those "subtle hints"...) I just wonder how other girls/guys worse in personality can find BF/GFs.
What can I do to get guys to respond to me more positively? Sweet girls of Xanga, what other woes do you burden because of your sweetness?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 46026 Comments: 0 526 View all posts by deep_ocean_of_sorrow@xanga
Comments (535)
Kinda am in the same situation. This woke me up a bit. Maybe I do need to forget him...
This guy--is cool-- too-- but cool in the way he's nerdy and into books a lot. He cares more for people than most would.... but, from what everyone else is saying, and I'm doing something similiar like you (like the gift-giving).....
I'm seeing he doesn't want me either. :(
Rest assured, you're not alone. At least. Heh.
I feel your pain..... Really, I do....
wow i would LOVE to have a girl like you.
@Just_call_me_the_underdog@xanga - "let the hot assholes go for each other."
true, brother.
every girl goes through this "i want a cool guy" phase. you'll see how wrong that type is later on in life. If a guy has "aitte" in his daily vocabulary and it wasn't just for messing around w/ the guys, hes not worth your time. and yes that's a little pushy. should've returned the gift the minute he said he didn't want anything. Remember, chiseled bods will eventually turn to flab look at hasselhoff. cool guys usually have very little substance to them. You wil love the nice guy, and he'll reciprocate your little cute gestures and cook for you and rub your back when you're tired. this guy in your post, apparently not worth it.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - agreed, but more nicely.
you don't have to be sweet all the time dear. sometimes a little sour works too. of course, there are guys out there who love sweet girls like you, so don't give up! and of course, never settle.
I always seem to come in the opposite of the majority opinion.
Judging if this guy is worth the effort is up to you. I frankly believe that if it is something that you are willing to give up on, it isn't worth the effort to YOU, not that HE isn't worth the effort. We all want to feel like we are worth all the trouble in the world. Make sure he knows that's how you feel about him, if you do.
Personally, my suggestion is this. One big, tremendous effort. It's like the hail-mary in football. The game is winding down, you're behind by a touchdown. You don't run a few easy plays so as not to take risks. You've already lost if you do that. Pull out all the stops, exactly once. If nothing sticks, THEN you can go back to the locker room and prep for the next game.
I'd rather get my heart crushed a dozen times then allow fear of hurt prevent me from trying.
"It
is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how
the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could
have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually
in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,
who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and
again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming,
but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who
spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows,
in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the
worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls
who knew neither victory nor defeat."
here was your mistake:
"Oh yeah, yeah. That's okay. I'll just give you your gift when you have time; just tell me. Oh, but since I'd have to prepare for your gift, maybe give me a few minutes sometime this week or next week."
you probably annoyed him that your gift is so involved (i.e. he has to allow you a few minutes to prepare). to get a cool guy, you have to adapt to his culture of "chill." sometimes the less you say, the better the response.
this might've gone better:
me: I have something with your name on it.
guy: Oh thanks. I'm going to be hanging out with my friends tonight though.
me: so you want it frozen to your doorstep, or can I hand it to you sometime tomorrow?
less wording and maintenance. more humor and mystery. honestly, though, the cool guy doesn't know how to treat the sweet girl (read: not all he's cracked up to be). so you'll either end up hurt and disappointed or acting like someone you're not.
my advice: be on the lookout for sweet guys. they do exist.
He's not that into you... I think it's like trying to fit a square peg (you) into a circular hole (him), that is to say that no amount of trying to make something work will make it actually work. I wish you the best though! There's some guy out there that genuinely wants a girl like you and won't wait months to see you. And um, it's flat-out wrong to refuse a gift. I don't care if it's a piece of string... a gift is a gift. He's kind of a douche (sorry) for treating you so poorly! And sorry if I was harsh...
@CrazyMai07@xanga - I agree... maybe the definition of "cool guy" needs to be tweaked a bit?
Seriously I think the world should have more girls like you haha~
You don't really have to make food for them or get them gifts if you don't know them very well...
In your case, I agree with everyone above. This guy isn't into you.
If you want them to respond positively just talk to them. And I mean 'talk' not like one sentence answers. If he starts giving you one sentence answers, they just arent interested!
Sorry, girl, but you've got a neon sign flashing over your head with an arrow pointing down at you that says "Pushover." If you're willing to go out of your way for someone who hasn't proven worthy of your generous nature, you're setting yourself up to be taken advantage of or completely ignored romantically. I understand you like this guy but he's giving all the signals that he's not interested. You'd better save that gift for someone who deserves it.
1. Slow down. Cooking a meal for a guy should be reserved for the one who wants the title of "boyfriend" and you.
2. A guy who likes you will never let you feel "in the way". He'll want to make room for you in his life.
3. A guy who likes you will make an effort to call regularly and return calls quickly. A guy that sees you as "just some girl" will rarely be that polite.
4. Choose wisely. A "cool" guy isn't always someone that's "cool" for you. Keep your eyes open to the ones who are vying for YOUR attention. They may be a better match for you.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - Eesh... why does every woman I know seem to have this etched into her DNA but me? Effortless? Gads, I'm an idiot. I had that. I didn't know any better at the time... and now it's too late.
*sigh*
he's not interested...
i have to agree with the majority of the posts. the guy does not seem too interested.
i also say, to turn it down a notch and a good guy will come around. AND let him pursue you for a change. =]
when you don't have the intentions of getting into a relationship with someone, you'll find yourself being a little more genuine to them. Right now you seem obsessive. If he likes you, He'll eventually come around.
he's not into you . that's it. sorry =x
@roxics@xanga - LMAO.
OP, I think you need to define for yourself who is a "cool" guy. To a lot of us, this guy doesn't sound cool, he sounds like, well, an idiot and a coward who doesn't have the good manners to tell you he isn't interested in you.
Like everyone else has said, you aren't doing anything wrong - except pursuing guys who send back signals of not being into you. Save your efforts (and money) for someone that sends you signals that they like you back.
i agree with nimbusthedragon@xanga!
you'll meet a better guy to spend ur time and effort with! =)
read this book.
"why men like bitches".
it will be your new bible.
I think the only thing you really did wrong was insist on giving him a gift when he said he didn't want one. That would have made me uncomfortable if someone did that to me. Also, cooking for a crush usually puts a lot of pressure on him.
move on, and play hard to get with the next guy.
Can't help you here, I'ma stone cold bitch.
Let the guys do the chasing, I'd say. At least that way you'll know they're interested in some way, shape or form. But then again, make sure they aren't trying to use you...
Understandable. Maybe settle for being a good friend?
I'm kind of in the same boat, but the guy I like isn't hot. He's understanding, down-to-earth, thoughtful and caring. But I don't think he likes me back. However, we do spend a lot of time together, and we understand each other very well. I don't make food for him, but sometimes I'll drop by where ever he is and bring some food or drinks for us to share. We converse normally, and we're always teasing each other. It's almost as if we're brother and sister because we can talk about anything.
It hurts sometimes, but because it seems that he's not committed to a relationship with you, maybe settle for being a good friend?
And definitely change your target to a nicer guy.
you go for a sweet guy. duh?
@Kevin_is_a_pirate@xanga - lol nice responce
I agree with most of the posts. Yes he's not interested in you and honestly if he's not he's not even worth the effort. Don't try so hard to find someone just be yourself and let the guy find you. And just for laughs on some guys you can get to them through their stomachs lol.