Tuesday, 16 December 2008
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Sweet Girls Never Get The Cool Guys
This is a guest blog submitted by deep_ocean_of_sorrow.Dear Datingish, Cool Guys and Sweet Girls,
Just like how the Friend Zoned Guy fails to get the Hot Girl, I, the "Sweet Girl," cannot get the guy I want. Why? Guys, help me out here and please tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Here are some general things I do for the guys that I go for:
1) Make some type of food for them
2) Try to be thoughtful and make sure I am not "in the way" of whatever they're doing with the guys, work, school, etc.
3) Converse with them normally, but still act flirty enough to give even the stupidest that I am interested (but not so much physically as in, showing my breasts, too much shoulder, legs etc).
3b) I usually start conversations, but it's not like I'm trying to contact them every day...more like every few weeks.
4) Give them SOME kind of gift (for their birthday/holidays, but I do this for a lot of my girlfriends too; I like gift-giving in general)
I like to give gifts and today this guy I'm crushing on immediately refused my present for him. Here's how the text messages went:
me: Hey! Happy Birthday! Since you did something for my birthday, I'd like to do something for you!
guy: Oh thanks. I'm going to be hanging out with my friends tonight though.
me: Oh yeah, yeah. That's okay. I'll just give you your gift when you have time; just tell me. Oh, but since I'd have to prepare for your gift, maybe give me a few minutes sometime this week or next week.
guy: I don't want a gift.
me: *thinking "what?!"* Why?
guy: 'Cause I don't need anythingI didn't know if I should feel angry that he probably thought my gift was stupid or sad that a guy just refused to even see me for a few minutes of his...TWO WEEKS!
In the end, I told him I still wanted to thank him, and insisted on letting me give a gift, and to please accept it as a thank you gift. The conversation ended by him saying, "haha, aight," which doesn't really tell me that he will actually accept the gift or if he's ever going to even contact me anytime soon to meet me to ACCEPT the gift.
It's been about two months since I've seen him and about a month since we had a real conversation.
Is he just avoiding me or am I doing something wrong? To be honest, I never had a guy that I crushed on like me back, and maybe I'm just being a little bit too pushy and blunt? (but I thought guys didn't understand those "subtle hints"...) I just wonder how other girls/guys worse in personality can find BF/GFs.
What can I do to get guys to respond to me more positively? Sweet girls of Xanga, what other woes do you burden because of your sweetness?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 46026 Comments: 0 526 View all posts by deep_ocean_of_sorrow@xanga
Comments (535)
Uhm, hello, he's just not that into you. Sorry it's harsh, but it's the truth. I've been there, and am consequently done waiting on men who want nothing to do with me, but who aren't ballsy enough to say it, in the name of "letting you down easy".
Stop wasting your time, honey... when the right guy comes along, it wont' be along the lines of doing anything "right or wrong"... you won't even have to try. He'll just like you for who you are.
I agree. It just doesn't seem like he's into you and probably is avoiding you.
Don't waste you're time on guys that don't even like you back.
You're not doing anything wrong, a guy will come along and he'll like you for you. Then it'll all be worth it.
I agree with above...
Don't get the "cool guy" i mean..seriously, if you lable him as that..why even go out with him if you had a chance? He's not into you =\ Sorry, it's true....Just get someone who suits you..not someone who you think might be cool to date..
WHY do you even want to be with him? that's the question..if he answers so dull..ugh
You're trying too hard with guys that aren't worth the effort.
Take it down a notch and let someone pursue you.
You made food :D thats good enough for me marry me ?
Simple. Don't go for the cool guys. They're the ones who score the "hot chicks" that get the "nice guys" friend zoned.
Let the cool guys go with the cool chicks, and don't change what you're doing but do change whom you're doing it for.
The "nice guys" shouldn't be going for those "hot chicks" though, I mean no wonder they're getting FZ'ed - but if you're a sweet girl, go for a nice guy, and let the hot assholes go for each other.
It's great that you do all these nice things - most girls act coy, hard-to-get, but you're genuine - just, redirect it. You'll be surprised how returned your favors are, and the things the guy does for YOU when he's the right one.
i agree with all the above...
i am sorry but i think the uy does not like u and u should totally do not have to give someone something or make food for him to like u...
u should wait for someone better..=] good luck...
Yea, not much you can do if he's not into you the same way. Perhaps one thing you can do in the future is to be less available to do things for the guy you like. You know, show him that you're doing your own thing and not just catering to him. That way, the guy will at least not take all your generosity for granted. Hopefully haha. Sometimes it takes something big to make guys realize things like that (I would know X_X).
You probably don't want the 'cool' guy. You want someone with a little substance. And when they're no interested... that's it; they're not interested.
Don't think about it that much. He is probably just obtuse and doesnt realize what a gem you are. You will find someone who will realize how great you are so for now just move on. Don't waste time on guys like him. ;) Don't worry about not getting the one you are crushing on, it is probably just a phase. Sometimes it is all on the timing.
Really? I'm gonna say just keep doing what you're doing and eventually the right guy will come along. (Well, it worked for me, at least)
i admit, i am pretty clueless about when a girl likes me.
but really? i mean, if he doesn even wanna meet u to accept ur gift, i really don even think he's worth the time. i mean, think about it. if he wont even accept ur gift now, n take the time to do it. i jus don think he'll act differently if u were in a relationship with him. iz not jus gon change cuz ur datin. u know? but that so-called "cool guy" isn the right type of cool. he's the society "cool" not ur "cool." u know what i mean? in other words, he's not worth it. haha
there r guyz out there who jus don understand at first. but give us time. we'll figure things out. hopefully. =P
Any guy who says "haha, aight" is not a cool guy, but instead a douche bag who lacks proper language skills.
agree with everyone of the above! he seems to be a waste of your kindness :)
@roxics@xanga - LOL! loved that xD
He doesn't want you sweetie. Its a harsh reality but its probably true. Don't be so pushy. You're trying too hard for boys you don't even have yet.
@roxics@xanga - I second that!
That aside, it's not that you did something wrong per se, it's that he's totally uninterested.
You're being kinda overwhelming. Try being more subtle. Also, he's probably just not that into you, for whatever reason.
My advice for your general question of getting guys you want is to A) Punish bad behavior and B) Reward good behavior. When a guy is nice then be sweet back but if he doesn't treat you the way you want don't try harder and be nicer, instead punish him by being less available and more closed off. This conveys that you are a valuable person who has a lot going on. Guys are attracted to girls that are hard to get because they know that those girls are valuable.
i agree with everyone else
but im surprised to find there is a girl who is like a nice guy like me. i completely understand your predicament. all we both can do is just wait. but not too much. as my friend once said, "go with the flow, but dont be a dead fish"
Oh dear. I think you should back off.
Even thought you're being really nice and sweet, some guys find it clingy and overbearing.
While I never made food, I gave gifts and did things for guys that made me look really desperate for their attention. I had to learn the hard way to leave guys who aren't interested alone.
If a guy is interested, he will let you know.
Also, as a girl who's been with cool guys, nerdy guys, fat white guys, and almost everything in between let me just say that you're not missing out on a damn thing.
The so-called "cool" guys may seem cool, but they usually are either douchey or they have too many girls chasing after them that would make even the most secure, confident girl think twice before letting him out of the house alone.
I cosign with @Just_call_me_the_underdog@xanga -- you'd be surprised at how appreciated you'd be to a nicer guy.
Maybe there's also the chance you should redefine what a cool guy is.
@roxics@xanga - You're too true. Grammar is a plus that many people seem to be lacking these days... bleh.
All of the above--total agreement.
@CrazyMai07@xanga -
"The so-called "cool" guys... have too many girls chasing
after them that would make even the most secure, confident girl think
twice before letting him out of the house alone."
That sentence really gets me. It's sad to see how denting they are to other women's confidence and security, which is really hard to build up on in today's world.
.... wow.
save most of the gift giving and food making until AFTER you are in a "secure" relationship with the guy......says I love you and you already know that, I'm just reminding you...but before then it seems a bit clingy to some guys. Even though you are just trying to be nice they think it means that you are just some girl that they can have at any time!! But you are more than that. This guy seems to be avoiding you, but you ll find a guy that is more worth your time!! I'm a sweet girl...me? I get taken advantage of... I'm working on it tho...I have learned ALOT.
One word... Stalker.