I have been in a similar position. It was a little worse than yours. I was going out with this guy for about 2 months, but then he started to get on my nerves. I was talking to his best friend a lot and we developed feelings for each other. I ended up leaving the guy I was dating for his best friend. Yeah, bad move. But ummm, if you're not completely happy with Jake, don't force yourself  to stay with him just for his sake. If you think that Ray or someone else out htere is better  for you, then don't hesitate too much to  break up with Jake. Just be nice about it and try not to rebound too quickly after the breakup. You've gotta show some respect. 

It's not fair to Jake if you are having feelings for Ray. If you're not happy enough with Jake then leave him. But it sounds like you just don't know what you want and even if you got with Ray you could start having feelings for someone else. Relationships are work, so what if you fight once a week, lots of people do.
My recommendation is this, if you decide to stay with Jake maybe you should cut ties with Ray. Otherwise you just end up temping yourself and could do something stupid. You shouldn't be friends with people you are interested in.

@tequila_sky@xanga - I agree.

If Ray wasn't around, would you have any desire to break up with him at all?
And even then, the fact that something didn't happen between you and Ray before Jake was in the picture should be a good indicator of where things stand. I know you said you liked him before a few times, but even then nothing came of it so I'd say let it go.

You said it yourself - Jake does make you happy for the most part and you're not even sure about Ray so why risk a good thing you have going?

"Should I talk to Ray and see if he even has feelings for me?"

Would his answer matter to you? It sounds like it would based on you saying, "I really find Ray to be an incredible person, but I'm not sure if he even likes me." In that case, Jake seems like a cushion for you (like what @tequila_sky@xanga said) to fall back on in case Ray doesn't like you.

You shouldn't be asking around for another guy's opinion as to if he likes you if you're with someone else - it's not fair to Jake, and you're missing the real issue of if you want to be with Jake.

So ask yourself if you want to be with him - and I mean REALLY think about it on a gut level, not on some objective level like a grocery list (that's the feeling I get from your post), pretend that Ray isn't around, and you'll know the answer.

you should stay with Jake. arguments in a relationship is a normal thing. Even if you ask Ray about his feelings, he might say something like "no..." since he knows you already have a bf.

there is nothing you mentioned in your relationship with jake that doesn't happen in a normal relationship.  i think your expectations of what a good relationship may be might be too high.  if you end up with ray, you will probably complain about the same things.

You're being greedy, and absolutely unfair to Jake. If you're still interested in Ray then you need to not hold Jake on standby! That's such a bitchy move.

Tell Jake how you're feeling, not necessarily that there's another guy but that you're not exactly into him as much as you think is necessary for there to be a relationship.

Then when Jake is no longer in the picture go and see about Ray.

God these things should be obvious.

wow..-_-

jake.

I was in a very similar situation. I've been with my bf for two years and when things between us started to change and I felt as if I was growing and changing and he wasn't, I started to like another guy ( It also maybe happened because I was away 3 months and didn't see my bf ), and I thought he was the most unbelievable human being I have ever met and he had a huge impact on me. When I came back home, I really did miss him but I realized that I really loved my boyfriend. He was everything to me, my best friend, my love, my life. And that crush I had on the other guy was fleeting. Ask yourself what I did " Who would leave a bigger hole in your life if they walked out?". Who means more to you? Feelings come and go. Love doesn't come and go. Maybe you don't love your bf, that's a different story but after a year I was really in love with mine and I never ever thought about being with anybody else.

i was in a similar situation only like a few of the other girls on here mine was a lot worse. I was dating my boyfriend for a long time but like you and ray i had feelings for somebody that i had just pushed in the back of my mind. When he showed up trying to get back with me all of those feelings came rushing back. We started talking a lot and the guilt and confusion ruined my mood and my attitude towards my boyfriend. I ended up leaving my boyfriend and eventually things with the "other guy" didnt work out either, but in the end it opened my eyes to the fact that i shouldn't have been in the relationship in the first place. If your heart is with Ray then you have no business being with anybody else, if it's just a crush and your heart is with your boyfriend then it'll pass eventually. You say you've crushed on ray a few times so maybe this is just another one? give it time before you do anything drastic, but i would talk to ray if you 2 are good friends. :) good luck! 

Wow, what you're doing sounds pretty shady. If you're already out looking for a new relationship, you should have broken up with this other guy a long time ago. What you're doing now isn't fair to him.

How would YOU feel if you were dating someone, thinking everything was going well, and behind the scenes they were crushing on, talking to, meeting other people? No physical cheating, but no committment to you. You'd been duped. Think about that and decide what you'd like someone to do for you.

Honestly, I hate these questions.  I really, really do.

Figure it out for yourself.  Talk to people who actually know you and these people about it.  Random strangers on the internet can only gather so much information and form opinions based upon the brief synopsis these posts give.

I put my boyfriend through a situation like this, and you know what?  It was absolute shit.  If Jake isn't giving you something that you think Ray can, either a) talk to Jake about it or b) break up with Jake.  Under no circumstances should you string them both along. 

Emotional cheating is still cheating, and it still hurts like a fucking bitch for everyone involved, whether or not it escalates to full-fledged cheating.

You are with Jake for a reason.  If it's nothing more than convenience, you're a selfish bitch.  If it's because you truly care about him, you wouldn't want to fuck up your relationship.  Figure out which one is more important and get on with your life, regardless of who is in it.

@Not_a_real_site@xanga - Yeah, I try not to be too profane, even if I REALLY want to. I've always been the person on the other side of this spectrum that ends up hurt, so it naturally incites some rage in me, too. Don't worry, friend. There are decent people out there who won't put you through this shit.