This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader. Have you ever felt like you're unwanted - like suddenly you weren't attractive at all?
I was chatting with a guy on MSN when he suddenly said, "I don't talk to ugly girls" and got offline. I suddenly felt like I'm such a loser in person. No wonder I never dated before even though most people my age have! People don't want me.
Technically, I wouldn't say I'm ugly, because I know I'm not. But I'm not pretty, either. My dad says I look different from others - unique. I posted my pictures and most people said I have flawless skin, that I'm pretty and cute. I don't know whether it's true or not. But about hotness? No one has ever called me "hot".
What's the difference between hot and pretty? Does it mean that to be hot, you have to be sexy or attractive or be able to flirt with guys?
I just don't get it. I'm pretty good with guys, but only some of them, and they think of me as a guy because I talk like one. I'm really confused and jealous of couples who've dated. Ugh
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Comments (103)
In my opinion, being pretty is better than being hot ~ when people see you as hot, they see you as a sex object...not ideally what you want is it?
Everyone has different tastes and a different perception of what is hot and not. For me, I never found myself liking hot guys. I find them attractive, yes, but only physically. I've never wanted to be with a hot guy. I've always preferred the pretty boys, the cute ones. Anything but hot.
I think it's the same for what guys like about girls as well. I have a lot of guy friends who prefer cute and pretty to hot.
me being the mathematical person that i am, i believe that having proportions of 1.618, aka phi or the golden ratio, is actually what makes people attractive to other humans. Youll notice that movie stars and singers considered "hot" have these ratios, whether its leg length or eye spacing.
I think that being pretty/beautiful is both more attainable and wholesome for the average joe, and depends a lot on things like self-confidence, good hygiene, and being in shape. Being pretty is more about how you feel about yourself, than whether a guy wants to have sex with you
I think I'm hot but not pretty.
I have a fairly ugly face, but a fucking awesome body.
And thus, I get all the wrong kinds of attention.
Different people are gonna think different types to be attractive. I'm sure there is someone out there who thinks you are beautiful. I would focus on the beauty within you though. I rather have a slightly average looking girl that has an amazing personality than a hot girl who's a dud.
please don't ever let a guy judge whether you're hot or not. hotness to me is confidence. to a man though, the term "hot" usually transcribes to "sex", which is not necessarily a good thing. being called cute, pretty or beautiful is way better - when a guy calls you those, he sees your inside too, not just the outside. i know because my boyfriend told me. he always calls me beautiful/cute because he respects me.
don't let the words of a stupid guy affect your self-esteem! i'm sure lots of people love you and find you attractive.
Well, honestly, wouldn't you rather be called beautiful than hot? Because beautiful is what you tell a woman you love...hot is something you label any woman you find attractive. So I guess it's okay if you've never been called hot...how would you know anyway?! LOL.
It depends on the guy. I've been called hot and stuff but I don't think I am--I'd rather be called pretty anyways. Pretty seems more age appropriate, but apparently my friend was right :\
I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Everyone has different preferences in what they like. But never let someone tell you that you aren't pretty. It is not their place to judge, nor does it make their judgment right.
But for me, I find the sexiest thing about a person is their confidence and the way they carry themselves. If you are down on yourself, it will show in everything that you do. Just remember there is a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. :)
Being called 'hot' isn't the greatest because it seems like theres no feelings behind that like what Jenzies said, you're like an object. Being called pretty or beautiful has a lot more meaning. That guy sounds like a douche bag anyways and opinions from douchebags don't matter hahaha - he doesn't seem to have any respect for others either...what a catch?!?!
If you find yourself attractive, then you are....don't let one person's opinion make you think otherwise
You say, "I posted my pictures and most people said I have flawless skin, that I'm pretty and cute. I don't know whether it's true or not."
It's true to them, so accept those compliments graciously. Beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder. Just like @Roadlesstaken@xanga said, some people in this world find you pretty/hot/attractive. And some people won't. No one is "objectively" pretty.
You also say: "I just don't get it. I'm pretty good with guys, but only some of them." Most people are like that; some guys I really hit it off with, and some guys I don't. It goes with the whole "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." Everyone has different tastes, so don't take it personally.
And like @MimleFruits@xanga said, please don't let the words of one guy make you feel like poo. That guy sound like a real piece of work, btw. :P
It depends on the person. "Hotness" seems to be based on social, biological, and upbringing-related factors. Let me explain further.
First, I've found that men often will think of "hot" as whatever their peers think of as "hot" - while yeah, that can mean "tan, huge tits, blonde", that's not necessarily always the case. For example, I've noticed that my boyfriend's friends all love tiny, cute girls...and i guess that's what I'd qualify as, too. Cultural norms vary in this way too - it's all about what you're surrounded by.
Secondly, symmetry has been proven as a biological means of quantifying attractiveness. Even if the person isn't "beautiful" or "hot" upon first glance, it's been shown that a person's facial symmetry makes a subconscious difference on how attractive they're ultimately rated to be. Waist-to-hip ratio is also an undeniable indicator of attractiveness.
Third, the way men judge (and treat) hotness seems to be based on their mothers, too. I have nothing scientific on which to base this but I feel as if a guy's mother is a certain way, he expects that in his partner. It's really subtle - for example, my current boyfriend's mom is a little chubby, and he always says he'd be perfectly fine with it and still find me attractive if I gained weight. Another boyfriend, whose mom worked harder at maintaining her figure, was slightly less forgiving, to say the least. I've had other women tell me they've noticed the same things.
i had this convo with my guyfriends. they said hot means good looks, pretty, sexy. cute means you're borderline ugly, but good enough to be friends with but can't really date. honestly tho, ooze confidence and work with what you have and learn to enhance it ie dress up a little bit or put on a lil makeup. it goes a long way for people. i'm in the same situation but have become jaded. i'm single too and a lot of friends younger than me have had several boyfriends already. if you don't think about it so much and really let it go, as in being single, a prince charming that will luv you for who u r will show up. i'm waitin for mines, but def enjoying my single life as well, no obligations/ commitments suits me just fine. thinking about relationships right now won't get you anywhere. you just become obsessed and that's unhealthy mentally and physically. good luck!
Everyone has their own definition of what is attractive and what is not.
IMO, I think being commented as pretty is better than being called hot, just because hot seems like a reference being made as a sexual object instead.
To answer your question, hotness is a judgment call for anyone. What you should really do is not let that guy get to you. Chances are, he's more insecure about his looks than one might think. If you believe you're beautiful, that's really all you need. People compliment on you being pretty and cute, then you definitely are.
What's the difference between hot and pretty? Does it mean that to be hot, you have to be sexy or attractive or be able to flirt with guys?
To me hot would be like..smokin' ! Nice body and there's something more to the face than "pretty"..It's sex appeal.
When a girl is just pretty..they're just kind of typical O_o nothing so exciting about them..
Tsk, tsk, tsk
I don't even know know how to go about this.I supposed it's all in the eye of the beholder because I'm one of the rare few that actually find Megan Fox quite unattractive.
I think beauty is probably in the eye of the beholder. Different people have their own definitions of "hot" or "sexy". If you're being called pretty and cute, that's even better than being referred to as "hot". Being hot sounds more like what's underneath it all.. pretty is what people really see.
that guy you were talking to online was an asshole, no boy should ever talk to a girl like that!
but i think hot is all about looks. thats all there is, just hair and eyes and physique. youre missing nothing, because i know many friends who are adorable and have the love of their lives already.
the fact that you have friendships with guys without it being about attraction says alot! it means they like you for you, and youre able to have a good time without that awkward effect.
work with what youve got, girl! [:
The difference? If you're hot, then that means that a person probably wants to only have sex with you. If you're pretty, well, that's different. People should not be allowed to judge other people. If people say you're pretty, or hot, then good for you. And if they don't, well then they can just shove it and go to hell!!
i have the same skewed perspective of myself, but in the opposite way. i always thought of myself as the ugly one in the family, but a lot of people think otherwise, that i'm actually cute. it's disconcerting and doesn't make sense. maybe some ppl just have different tastes and it just so happens their taste is the opposite of yours.
I tend to be told that i'm pretty.....fairly often actually. it bothers me like it does you that guys dont really call me hot. I mean, there have been some who called me hot.....but mostly i'm called pretty. I think every girl wants to be considered hot sometimes because we want to feel sexy. At least i do. I think being called "pretty" is better than "hot" though because "pretty" refers to more of the natural aspect of your appearance. I think what you need to worry about is your self-image and confidence--you'll then be both pretty in appearace and exude confidence, making you "hot".
Ever heard of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Don't stress over it, honey. Some guys are just jerks. From my own personal experience, I've come to realize that the guy who's worth your time will find you gorgeous, sexy, and will see the beauty in you that others may have missed. My fiance did--still does. So if others find you unattractive, well, then they're not worth your time. Don't let one guy's short-sighted immaturity stop you from finding your prince, the one who'll see you for the beauty you are. He's out there if you're willing to make yourself available.
-Katie
When I think of "hot" it all boils down to sex. In my own opinion, it's degrading to be called that by the opposite sex. I'd rather be called "pretty" or "beautiful" any day because it makes it seem (keyword: seem) like I'm not being judged on my physical appearance alone. I know, of course, that that isn't always true.
@Jenzies@xanga - I agree.