Saturday, 13 December 2008

• Guy Friend Who Want More? Here's What Not to Do.

  This is a guest blog submitted by two_days_until_forever.
  
  I have a male acquaintance who has expressed romantic interest in me. I do not have similar feelings for him. He hangs out with my friends, so I kindly tolerate him - at least when he's around. As soon as he leaves the scene, though, I complain to my female friends about his continuous pathetic attempts to win me over. Men, read his mistakes and promise not to do the same if you ever find yourself adoring a female friend. Ladies, tell me if you have found yourself in a similar dilemma.
  
  1. He's desperate and won't give up. In romantic movies like 27 Dresses, the charming and attractive male pursues the beautiful woman who initially rejected him and eventually wins her over. In real life, most women say what they mean right away. If she has a change of heart and wishes to have something more with you, she will come after you and confess.
  
  I politely told him that I was not interested in a relationship beyond an acquaintance. He then launched a parade of professions, telling me that he'd  loved me from the moment he saw me and that the moments we spent together were the best of his life. That definitely creeped me out. I felt really uncomfortable after he told me those things. He could have maintained some dignity if he had not told me about those strong feelings. Ignorance would have been bliss.
  
  2. He lies right to my face. This may not be an issue for other women, but I am a girl that insists on honesty. I did not ask him how he felt about this situation. But, he felt the need to say that he "respected my decision". First of all, this was not a decision. I simply do not want a relationship with him. I would have respected him so much more if he had stated that he respected my feelings instead.
  
  Second of all, he was lying to me. This boy is the worst liar I have ever encountered, and his pleading and desperate eyes completely contrasted with the lies coming out of his mouth. His eyes were telling me, "I still love you and I wish you would love me and I don't understand why you don't love me and you should because I love you." I really get irritated when men feel as if a woman is required to love them simply because he wants her to. I realize that he is allowed to have a hurt ego, yes, but I would have respected him more if he said he was still dealing with the rejection. But, after a bit of time, you should me over me already. If I want nothing to do with you, why waste your energy on me?
  
  3. His bragging rights are nonexistent and contradictory. This guy is on a varsity bowling team and always brags about his bowling scores to me. Is he for real? Yes, he is sincerely trying to impress me with bowling. I think occasional and non-competitive bowling with friends can be fun. But the varsity bowling team is not going to interest or impress me at all. My eyes glaze over when he obnoxiously brags about his so-called incredible bowling skills. Did I mention that one of the adjectives he uses to describe himself is "humble"? Maybe this goes hand in hand with lying...
  
  4. He slams friends of mine that he dated in the past. Apparently he dated a few friends of mine in the past. I did not ask about these relationships at all and simply chose to ignore them. However, he brought them up in a conversation one day. He made horrible claims about two people I am very close to. Did he think that his trash-talking my friends would convince me to go out with him? I think he thought that bringing up the fact that my friends had dated him in the past would convince me to give it a try. His perspectives on the relationships were very off-base too. I talked to my friends about him and they told me many ridiculous stories that he failed to mention... including one where he stalked my friend for a full year after their failed relationship.
  
  5. He interrupts my friends when I am engaged in a conversation with them. On multiple occasions, he has believed that I would find him more important than my friends. He would interrupt our conversations and cut off my friends to tell me something that I had no desire to hear. If he thinks that I would choose him over my friends, he definitely has serious issues. Guys, you should try not to make a girl choose between you and her friends - she is most likely going to leave you in the dust. If you have to interrupt a friend of mine to speak, we should try to talk at another time without the crowd. If I am not willing to give you that time, take the hint. Please.
  
  Guys, how do you feel about this? Have you ever made any of these mistakes? Ladies, have you ever encountered ridiculous guy friends that just won't get over you? What do all of you think I should about this guy?
  
  

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