This is a guest blog submitted by crazymai07.So this is a bit of a rant. After reading and hearing random inane comments about bisexuality, I felt the need to clear some common misconceptions up about bisexuals.
1) We are not all sex fiends out to do everyone and everything.When many guys think of "bisexual", the terms "sex" and "threesome" are not far behind. Here's the thing: just because I have sexual desires towards other women and I may act on them does not in any way, shape, or form mean I'm an easy slut who's willing to bed you on the spot.
2) Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm a "barsexual".I've seen MTV. I know what goes down at spring break. Hell, I'm in college now, so needless to say, I'm surrounded by females that do this. The problem with these types is that while they are very visible within our society, they really only make up a small percentage of bisexuals. I can't speak for every bisexual, but I know that many of us are actually embarrassed by a lot of the antics on "Tila Tequila" and can't stand Katy Perry.
3) Not all of us are "transitioning".I've heard that many people believe that bisexuals are actually gay and don't want to admit it, so they use bisexuality as a way to segue themselves into being homosexual. I'm not doubting that this is true for some, but it's definitely not the case for every bisexual.
4) You can be bisexual and not have relationships with members of the same sex.This is true, believe it or not.
Whether it's because of celibacy, choice, fear, etc., a person doesn't have to have a sexual relationship or experience with someone of the same sex in order to be bisexual. It's about attraction, not action.
5) It's not a phase for some of us; it's an identity.In high school, I knew of at least four bisexual girls who all now self-identify as straight. On the other hand for me, I've been drawn to females sexually since middle school. All the while I still liked boys. I never recognized it as being bisexual because
- I was scared
- I thought I would be labeled a slut, and
- I honestly thought I was in that weird adolescent "questioning my sexuality phase" and that I would grow out of it.
It's been 8 years since then. If it is a phase, it's a pretty long one.
6) I'm with you because I want to be with you, and you only.There's this idea out there that bisexuals are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of men when they're with women and vice versa. When I like someone, I like them and only them. The difference with me and other bisexuals is that we don't care about the gender. If I love someone and that someone loves me, cares for me and wants to be with me despite all my flaws then why should if matter if they're male, female, transman, etc? It's hard enough to find love in this world as it is.
7) We're discriminated against from both sides - straight people think we're promiscuous and flaky.Gays think we're trying to have the best parts of their lifestyle while holding onto heterosexual privilege in order to avoid discrimination. Oh yeah, and we're flaky. On top of all that, bisexual men do, in a sense, have it worse than bisexual women. They're treated like they don't even exist!
Bottom line: I want to emphasize that I'm not speaking for all bisexuals. With that said, I'm really tired of the stereotypes and views that many people seem to hold against people like me who do like both sexes. I know for a fact that while I've become outspoken about my sexuality on the internet, I've had a really hard time coming out of the closet in real life and actually joined a LGBT support group on my campus to help me through it all.
I have a tendency to hide my sexuality from males because I know that once I utter those two words, there's a good chance they'll see me in a way that I never intended for them to. I'm still trying to figure out how to be honest about this facet of myself without attracting unwanted attention, even though realistically, I know this is unavoidable.
Deep down I know that I'm smart, driven, funny, nice, cute - all of those things and more.
I just happen to be attracted to women as well as men, and I don't see why that has to take away from the amazing person that I am.
<3
Comments (355)
Seriously. Awesome. :3 *claps*
^_^
I don't know about all of this. I mean what do you do when you get married? Do you cease to be attracted toward the opposite sex of your SO? Let's say you get married to a male. Are going to cease to have attraction to females? Because if you are not a "slut", to use your word (also read #1 and #6), and love this man then you will not stray. Thus ending your bisexuality. Or do you have threesomes with your husband? Which will eventually lead to so many problems that you will probably end up divorced. Now to break that down a bit farther, the fact that you were bisexual caused you to lose the person you loved and defeated the whole purpose of being bi sexual. Right?
*applause*
I get soooo tired of these misconceptions coming my way anytime it comes up that I am bisexual. It really irks my life that I have to constantly explain my sexuality... ESPECIALLY when I get "oh, you're not bisexual, you're confused" or "well, you're not bisexual, you're straight, because you're dating a guy"...
Sometimes I just want to smack the idiots that say stuff like that... especially the second one I mentioned... it's like... Do you really think my attraction to girls magically vanished simply because I'm dating a guy? Idiot.
@bmrowland@xanga - I like ur terminology (have a fetish for people). Have you heard of pansexuality? That's pretty much the definition of it, lol. I prefer that term to bisexuality, but since most people look at me crazy when I say it, I just give them something similar that they are familiar with and say bisexual.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - Well, what do straight people do when they're married?
I'll still be attracted to whoever I'm attracted to, but I just won't act on it because I'm married, simple as that.
Cheating is cheating regardless of whatever the gender of my parnter may be. Threesomes are out because, well they're stupid and it's just another way to cheat.
Wow - I'm really happy for all the positive feedback and for being featured, so thanks everyone!
=]
=] This was refreshing.
I'm bisexual also (I've always been attracted to women also, the earliest case I can recall was when I was around 7or 8) and it honestly bugs me that most men suddenly think I'll not only hop into bed with them, but another woman also, just because I identify my sexuality as such.
Sorry but I refuse to hop into bed with anyone I a) just met, b) don't know, and c) am not in a relationship with.
I'm so glad you wrote this =)
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - There's a very gray spectrum when it comes to sexuality for all people and not just bisexuals, etc. I'll admit that I lean towards men, but it's also partly because I'm still trying to figure out how to date and meet available women (it's hard!)
You should read some of Kinsey's sex studies. He did some really groundbreaking and contreversial research: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports
@KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga - Thank you!
When I talk about myself I use the term queer, but the more and more I think about it I'm really just tempted to take the term bisexual back for what it is and means.
And I feel like more should be done so that bisexual men can be visible - i'm met quite a few, but it's like they're a rare breed or people think they're transitioning to gay.
For the most part I try not to bring it up unless I'm asked or if someone says something that I deem offensive.
@PhotographicWords@xanga - But then what's the point? Ok you are attracted to males even though you are married to a female. But you truly love this woman and stay with her without betrayal for the rest of your life. Without action words and ideas mean nothing. For example: "I will give you a million dollars." Does that mean anything to you? It shouldn't. lol. How can one be satisfied and be faithful when their desires are at such extremes of each other?
That is assuming one wants to get married and spend their life with one and only one person despite hardships that will come. If this is not one's intention than #1 cannot be correct.
"On top of all that, bisexual men do, in a sense, have it worse than bisexual women. They're treated like they don't even exist!"
Agreed.
@CrazyMai07@xanga - But there should be no attraction.
Attract defined:
1.
To cause to draw near or adhere by physical force:
2.To arouse or compel the interest, admiration, or attention of:
Draw near, there should be no drawing near if you are married.
Compel defined:
1. to force (to be or do something)
2. to obtain by force:
If someone else is forcing your interest sexually, forcing your admiration and forcing your attention then why stay with your spouse? This goes back to #1.
I do agree 100% with your threesome comment.
great post! and perfect timing since the other post on here..
I don't know about other bisexuals either, but in my view, everything you said is too true. Thanks so much for this post. *Clicks 'Recommend'* ^__^
Random funfact: One of the greatest quotes I've ever run across is, "No, I'm bi. You're confused." Heh heh...
You can be bisexual and not have relationships with members of the same sex."
Im bi and cannot believe how many people out there in this day and age still dont understand it, especially this part. After all, if you are straight but have never been in a relationship or been physical with the gender you are attracted to, does this mean you are actually gay and not straight? NO! Of course not! Same applies. Glad someone finally put this out there! Thanks!
@Not_a_real_site@xanga -
Why does marriage end attraction? Other married people don't suddenly stop being attracted to anyone else in the universe just because they're attracted. Also, just because someone is attracted doesn't mean they're automatically going to cheat. Attraction is not an action.
So this doesn't end an identity of being bisexual at all. The idea that it would is stupid.
@a 13 - *sigh* I do not like to repeat myself but I will in a different way for the slow kids. Attraction is a strong word. As mentioned above. Why would anyone want to marry someone who is attracted to something that they will never be capable of satisfying? And again. With out action it means nothing. The only thing that this will cause in a marriage is for the bisexual partner to be unhappy and full of turmoil. Which would eventually lead to one of two things. 1. Bisexual partner will cheat or otherwise end the marriage 2. Straight partner will sense the bisexual partner's angst and cause problems due a feeling of inability to satisfy their partner's want's and the marriage is over.
TOTALLY agree with number 6. i'm a bisexual female and i dated a bisexual man. that was the BEST relationship ever. it was like having the gay best friend that will always offer you lotion and go shopping with you and who is ALSO attracted to you.
Just admit it already. Bisexual = selfish. It's is all about what you want, regardless of others. Which is fine by me. This is not a judgment, merely an observation. A judgment could only be made by someone who is not selfish. Good luck finding that person. I don't care who you put your body parts in or who you think of putting your body part's in. I'm stating that there are holes, which no one has been able to accurately fill.
well said! finally! someone to speak up for the bis! u go gal! ;)
Your post is what I thought bisexuals are like, so it is just nice you wrote it out.
No 4 confuses me though, so if you find girls attractive you are officially bisexual? I thought you had to act on the attraction to be officially one... Well it's nice to learn something new. :P