This is a guest blog submitted by crazymai07.So this is a bit of a rant. After reading and hearing random inane comments about bisexuality, I felt the need to clear some common misconceptions up about bisexuals.
1) We are not all sex fiends out to do everyone and everything.When many guys think of "bisexual", the terms "sex" and "threesome" are not far behind. Here's the thing: just because I have sexual desires towards other women and I may act on them does not in any way, shape, or form mean I'm an easy slut who's willing to bed you on the spot.
2) Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm a "barsexual".I've seen MTV. I know what goes down at spring break. Hell, I'm in college now, so needless to say, I'm surrounded by females that do this. The problem with these types is that while they are very visible within our society, they really only make up a small percentage of bisexuals. I can't speak for every bisexual, but I know that many of us are actually embarrassed by a lot of the antics on "Tila Tequila" and can't stand Katy Perry.
3) Not all of us are "transitioning".I've heard that many people believe that bisexuals are actually gay and don't want to admit it, so they use bisexuality as a way to segue themselves into being homosexual. I'm not doubting that this is true for some, but it's definitely not the case for every bisexual.
4) You can be bisexual and not have relationships with members of the same sex.This is true, believe it or not.
Whether it's because of celibacy, choice, fear, etc., a person doesn't have to have a sexual relationship or experience with someone of the same sex in order to be bisexual. It's about attraction, not action.
5) It's not a phase for some of us; it's an identity.In high school, I knew of at least four bisexual girls who all now self-identify as straight. On the other hand for me, I've been drawn to females sexually since middle school. All the while I still liked boys. I never recognized it as being bisexual because
- I was scared
- I thought I would be labeled a slut, and
- I honestly thought I was in that weird adolescent "questioning my sexuality phase" and that I would grow out of it.
It's been 8 years since then. If it is a phase, it's a pretty long one.
6) I'm with you because I want to be with you, and you only.There's this idea out there that bisexuals are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of men when they're with women and vice versa. When I like someone, I like them and only them. The difference with me and other bisexuals is that we don't care about the gender. If I love someone and that someone loves me, cares for me and wants to be with me despite all my flaws then why should if matter if they're male, female, transman, etc? It's hard enough to find love in this world as it is.
7) We're discriminated against from both sides - straight people think we're promiscuous and flaky.Gays think we're trying to have the best parts of their lifestyle while holding onto heterosexual privilege in order to avoid discrimination. Oh yeah, and we're flaky. On top of all that, bisexual men do, in a sense, have it worse than bisexual women. They're treated like they don't even exist!
Bottom line: I want to emphasize that I'm not speaking for all bisexuals. With that said, I'm really tired of the stereotypes and views that many people seem to hold against people like me who do like both sexes. I know for a fact that while I've become outspoken about my sexuality on the internet, I've had a really hard time coming out of the closet in real life and actually joined a LGBT support group on my campus to help me through it all.
I have a tendency to hide my sexuality from males because I know that once I utter those two words, there's a good chance they'll see me in a way that I never intended for them to. I'm still trying to figure out how to be honest about this facet of myself without attracting unwanted attention, even though realistically, I know this is unavoidable.
Deep down I know that I'm smart, driven, funny, nice, cute - all of those things and more.
I just happen to be attracted to women as well as men, and I don't see why that has to take away from the amazing person that I am.
<3
Comments (355)
I'm bisexual and i hate the misconceptions!!
HOORAY FOR HONEST BISEXUALITY!!!
*claps*
i'm glad someone understands this! thank god, great post
thank you for writing this!
*claps!*
the most excellent blog ive read today!!
or to date??
anywhoo
"It's about attraction, not action."
"bisexual men do, in a sense, have it worse than bisexual women. They're treated like they don't even exist!"
i loved these qoutes and i totally agree with the latter!
i barely knew any bisexual boys(until i met myspace"
and there aren't many who admit to being bisexual (unlike the girls do) i only have 2! guy friends who claim to be bi yet my 30 or so "gay" guy friends say theyre gay yet Loveeee the ladies! anyhoowww
Great Post!
so true.
and i too cant stand tila tequila or "i kissed a girl"
"If I love someone and that someone loves me, cares for me and wants to
be with me despite all my flaws then why should if matter if they're
male, female, transman, etc? It's hard enough to find love in this
world as it is."
I'm not bisexual (straight, in fact), but this is EXACTLY how I view love. This is the point I always argue when I talk about homosexuality. There shouldn't be anything bad about love. Isn't the fact that love is there enough?? I think so.
I totally agree with #6 and have had such and issue with it!! My girlfriend is so insecure about all my guy friends. She doesn't get it. I'm with her and I can't even picture myself with anyone but her. It's like I'm not even bisexual anymore. I'm just ...her. That's all. I'm not attracted to other guys or other girls. Such a hard concept.
Thanks for saying all this though. Totally earned the props.
I prefer to tell people that I have a fetish for people. Man, woman, trans, whatever.. I totally dig people...
Thanks for this post. I realized I liked boys && girls around five or six years ago, but only came out about two and a half ago. It was frustrating because people didn't understand it, and I was afraid of it. I don't really talk about my sexuality much because I don't think it's relevant to my life, but I'm not embarassed about it anymore.
I was friends with a bisexual girl in high school who tried to explain to me how most bisexuals lean toward one gender or the other. For her, it seemed she preferred females 70% of the time, and then if that didn't work out, then she'd go out with a guy. She said it's unrealistic to be attracted to both sexes equally...is she weird or is that how it is with some people?
AMEN for you and what you said!!!!
(I thought mine was a phase, as well...and while I tend to lean more towards guys, I DO like females looks and bodies way more....but if this is a phase, so far it's an almost 10 year long one...)
Thank you so much for this!
Because of these idiotic misconceptions I don't even tell people that I'm bisexual!
Thank You! First off, great post. Second, I'd like to say I agree with what you say in this. There's just way to many misconceptions. I've had troubles convincing an ex of mine that I am bisexual because I was currently with a guy and I view sex a bit different when it comes to girls. I'm attracted to girls yes, but I am also attracted to guys and will only date one person at a time regardless if that person is guy or girl. So props to you for this post!
Thank you.
I am bi, also.And I wish everyone I knew could read this.I usually don't rec posts on the big sites. But this one was worth it.
Personally, I'm not sure whether I would want to date a bisexual man, since I'm not bisexual myself. I don't understand the attraction of lesbianism (either from a female or a male perspective). But I know it's definitely not my right to judge or stereotype people for what goes on in their minds or bedrooms, as long as it stays between consenting adults.
So, thank you for writing this. It needed to be said.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - Many bisexuals I know are like that. Very few have no gender preference whatsoever.
Personally I believe all people have an attraction to the same sex on some level, but only those who act on that attraction are the ones who claim bisexuality. And the only bisexuals I've met are insecure, so it comes off to me as not being confident that you can attract any amount of one gender, and opening yourself up to the possibilities of both makes you more likely to find SOMEBODY who likes you.
I'm not saying this goes for all or even most bisexuals, but as for the ones I've met. (Since using that logic, one could say for us asexuals that we're so insecure that we refuse to acknowledge our attraction to either gender... but that likewise isn't true.)
Besides that, the only thing I dislike about bisexuals is that there are those exhibitionists who are all "OMG I'm bi, and no you can't watch!" like I want to watch you doing anything, no matter what your sexuality. Those are the ones that piss me off.
Those things aside... well, I don't really care about someone's sexual preferences as long as they aren't attracted to me.. being asexual and all. Which a lot of people don't understand either, so in the area of excessive misconceptions and lack of understanding, I know how you feel.
For #4: Some asexuals feel attraction to a sex (so we're still hetero/bi/homo) but don't all feel the need to act on that attraction. As for #5: Same for A's.. we're not all virgins who're afraid of sex.
Tangent, sorry. Maybe someday I'll write an ace post for this site.
ima also bi
and in high school its a bit hard yep
thanks for posting this
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I wish more people understood what we are like in real life, not in some weird threesome fantasy.
thank you.
Well stated, well said. [:
aww<3 :) BARSEXUAL lol
Finally, a legit bisexual. In my city (hint: "Gay bay"), bisexuality is a fad. Girls say they are bisexual just so they can gain male attention. Male bi's are treated like they don't exist because of the HUGE number of females CLAIMING that they're bi.
As a lesbian, I get a little iffy when girls say they're bisexual. I'm tired of the fad, I hate Katy Perry, I'm tired of them saying, "I'll KISS a girl, but I won't date or have sex with one." ._.'
It restores my faith in the LGBT community to see bisexuals saying bisexual because they are actually interested in both sexes, not because it's a FAD.
I applaud this.
-Kunoichi