Daring Online Dater
So the violinist canceled on me for today. He texted something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry; I can't make it, but we should reschedule for some time next week."
I haven't responded yet. I mean, I just don't like to be canceled on the day before. Maybe if he had said why, I'd feel better. Also, when you cancel on someone and do want to see her again, you suggest an alternate place and time to meet up, which he didn't. "Sometime next week" is a little vague.
I still love Berlioz, so I may text him back. It sounds petty to wait around and think about who should make the next move; I am normally not like that. However, it's just not the best way to start things off. What do you guys suggest I do?
Also, the boy I actually met up with on Tuesday (let's call him Will) has been texting and e-mailing me, but hasn't asked me on a second date. I kind of figured since we saw each other Tuesday, he'd want to meet up during the weekend. Next week is fine, but again, I feel he'd be a little more forward if he was more interested. Am I being impatient, or is it okay to expect a little more than what has happened thus far?
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Comments (15)
There's nothing wrong with making the intiative move especially if you like the guy. Reschedule it and you can ask later on why did he cancel, it could have been a personal matter or he was in a hurry. If he cancels a second time, then perhaps then he may not be much your time.
As for the second one, somethings you may just have to give it time. Not everything just click right off the bat. Perhaps he's waiting for you to do the move. Atleast he's contacting you, that says he's interesting.
I know pretty much SPOT on how you feel. I met two guys in the same night also, got both their numbers.
One guy said, "Next week is a little busy, but call me sometime and I'll let you know..." Vague to the point where I didn't even want to deal with it anymore.
Didn't tell me when to call him.
However, my second guy, gave a precise date and time for me to call him. We had hung out once or twice before, but he stood me up once, the third time, with no getting back at me as to why he didn't respond when he had agreed upon a date and time that I should called him, so then I had finally contacted him when this weekend rolled around asking him something similar as to what happened last weekend..he apologized for standing me up and we re-scheduled with a precise date and time for tonight...
but...after he stood me up with no response as to why he canceled, i don't trust him as much anymore...but i'm still gonna call like he told me i should just to see if he'll answer this time.
tonight i will know if he will answer or not.
i don't know what to tell you. =/
Geez....I suck so bad at dating that I am not allowed to give advice!
Best wishes though.
mad impatient. it's been like 3 days. chill, chica. seriously, go watch lost or something.
Take it easy. Maybe when you talk you could casually slip it in that you are interested in see him again...good luck
as far as the violinist goes, i'd be pretty annoyed that he canceled too, but i think he did the right thing by giving you advance warning. it would be unforgivable if he canceled right beforehand (or even worse, just didn't show up). imo, the ball's in his court right now. but i personally do NOT put up with flakes, and with me, people skate on very thin ice when it comes to reliability.
for the other guy, be patient =) but the fact that you're thinking about him this much is good (for him), lol. i like @simply_steffy@xanga's suggestion of slipping in a "when's next time" remark.
I agree with most of the posters here, take it casually and if you want you can ask why he canceled next time you see him. But if he keeps rescheduling and mixing things up, it shows you're not the highest priority on his list and you're better moving on. This goes for both guys.
He didn't stand you up, he asked to reschedule. If you really want to see him, call him up and schedule a time for next week like he suggested. Don't make him do all the work.
I strongly suggest that you initiate the next move with the violinist, but your comment on him giving you a reason why he canceled concerns me a bit. If he cancels..he cancels, that's it. He doesn't owe you an explanation....yet. From what I can tell (considering that you are talking to other guys) it isn't that serious. So there is no reason why you should be expecting him to tell you what exactly is going on in his life that may bar him from seeing you, even if it is the day before. If he is seeing some one else, who cares, so are you. He doesn't owe you an explanation so soon into the "relationship" and you wouldn't owe him one either.
Waiting to txt him back is pretty bad, because now then he will be wondering why your taking so long, and his conclusions will only be that you are upset with him, and that will scare him off, because, I personally think you are making a bid deal out of it, and I'm fairly certain he will too. Unless you lie about it (which still isn't good) and say something crazy happened and you couldn't get back to him right away (not to say that you should be at his beck and call either). A couple hours is the longest you should take to txt him back, becuase you have a life too.
Be understanding, but don't try to be all up in his business. In the future, if canceling on you becomes a habit of his, then just let him go, becuase he obviously doesn't have the time to be in a relationship right now, or he's just not that into you.
Bottom line: Txt him back ASAP and ask him what he wants to do next week and say NOTHING about him canceling on you this week. If he brings it up, be understanding but just let it go and act like it doesn't bother you....because it really shouldn't.
@I_Go_By_Many_Names@xanga -
"but your comment on him giving you a reason
why he canceled concerns me a bit. If he cancels..he cancels, that's
it. He doesn't owe you an explanation....yet. From what I can tell
(considering that you are talking to other guys) it isn't that
serious. So there is no reason why you should be expecting him to tell
you what exactly is going on in his life that may bar him from seeing
you, even if it is the day before. If he is seeing some one else, who
cares, so are you. He doesn't owe you an explanation so soon into the
"relationship" and you wouldn't owe him one either. "
Agreed.
You date more than one person at a time and you have no right to whine about anything.
well, if you really like the guy, then take the initiative yourself. If not then either wait for him to make the move or just take it day by day. Maybe he really did have something sudden come up.
musicians don't make a lot of money, maybe he got a call about a gig. [shrug] coffee with nice girl or rent money?just a thought.
give him a call next week and see what's up but don't read a ton into it. be cool.
Maybe he couldn't tell you why he had to cancel for personal reasons; family emergency, his "other" category, but regardless of, canceling the day BEFORE is better than canceling a FEW HOURS before and trust me, things can always go worse. And what is up with people who give THE MOST VAGUEST time frame to call? What's wrong with saying "I'll be free tomorrow evening, why don't we reschedule something?"
For me personally, my time is MONEY/GOLD/PRECIOUS whatever way you want to say it. IF you want MY time then you better invest YOUR time and treat it as importantly as your own. IF they don't, why should I give them MY time?! riiight??
I say let him stew. The violinist. You don't have to say WHY either. lol
I don't believe in those dates and time rules. It's just so complicated! It makes dating, no, just hanging out just so rigid.
I think that if you want to see him, then see him. If he gives you too much stress, then move on. As they say, "there's plenty of fish in the sea!"
maybe tuesday guy doesn't wanna look to desperate?