Miss Polar Bear I've known my friend (we'll call her Sue) since I was barely in high school. I know everything about Sue except how she is as a single girl. You see, I'm starting to think one of my best friends is
that girl - the one who has to constantly be in a relationship or she's miserable, but (while in a relationship) will say "who needs a boy to be happy!?"
Ever since we were starting to think boys didn't have cooties, she's been in a relationship. She'll get out of a relationship, be (miserably) single for a month or less, and then automatically be crushing and falling in love with another boy. This never fails, to the point where I've timed it before and have been right. She just broke up with her boyfriend almost a month ago and now has met another boy whom she's described as "crushing hard" for. I doubt she will ever stop until she's married.
It makes me chuckle inside whenever she tries to tell little single me that you don't need a boy to be happy. I've been (for the most part) single for three years, and she's never been single for more than a month. I'm pretty sure I know what it's like to be single and happy. How does she know it's okay to be single when she never lets herself be?
I keep telling her that her quickie relationships wouldn't be so quick if she just took time to learn and be happy with herself before trying to be with someone else. Sue agrees, and then goes on a date.
Do you have friends who are serial daters? Are you one yourself? Why do you think people serial date?
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Comments (35)
Some people are just too dependent on others for happiness. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel that you don't have as much control of your own happiness if you are like that. You're right, she would probably do some good for herself if she stays single for a while so she can learn how to take care of herself.
For me, I appreciate the independent chicas out there
. To quote Jamie Foxx:
There ain't nothing that's more sexy
Than a girl that want but don't need me
I have always been one... But when the relationship has been serious enough like um... 4plus yrs then I think you automatically stop dating and have to take a while. Otherwise I am over the guy like 2 months tops. (if it was over a year) I think she just does what comes naturally to her.
I'm a cereal dater.
I love me some frosted mini wheats, but I can't pass up the opportunity when I see me some fine raisin bran or cornflakes walking on by...
Maybe being single is boring for her.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - LMAO!!! Can I steal that quote sometime?
I think she needs to take a break and get comfortable with herself before finding a boyfriend. You are the foundation on which all of your other relationships are built. That foundation has to be solid; if it isn't, the buildings above it will inevitably crumble.
@Lynn1013@xanga - Haha, sure!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I agree that the depending on other people to be happy can be one reason why people jump from relationship to relationship. I have friends who do this, and, like your friend, end up heartbroken. I love them to pieces, but I wish that they would learn to be happy on their own.
But I think dating a lot of people casually is different (and, depending on your motives, healthier) from jumping from relationship to relationship, where you fall head-over-heels for someone and get your heart broken repeatedly.
As for help to encourage your friend to stay single, well, it sounds like you've talked to her about it but she doesn't want to stop. So maybe you'll just have to wait until she tires of it, or have yet another talk with her and point out her dating patterns. But keep in mind that some people are just happier that way, just as some people (like me) are happy being single for long stretches at a time.
I was a serial dater lol
dating is fun!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I agree that some people are dependent on others for happiness..
But now here comes a question, to all of you...
If a guy is a cereal dater, with the consideration of the guy is dependent on others for happiness, do you consider this guy a player?
I am that girl. I just hate feeling alone. I love my family and friends and yes, I'm with them all the time, but it's like I need someone who's going to be there for me in a romantic sense.
My sister is like that. She falls head over heels in love with some boy, then sabotages the relationship because she has to inject drama into EVERYTHING, and then cries for awhile until she picks up with somebody else.
I think your friend is gonna be exactly like my sister in that, no matter what you tell her, she is never gonna believe she has a problem. You'll probably just have to sit around and wait until she figures her mistakes out for herself.
lol sounds just like me :)
You have to love yourself before you can love others, and she doesn't seem to be in sync with that.
~~Mary~~
because serial killing is bad. and wrong. and messy. and illegal.
No I don't know any serial daters or am one myself...I probably know the opposite...serial loners? haha
I guess dating is fun. You get to meet someone new, do new things, share new stories and you're never alone! I can understand where your friend is coming from...though its true that she shouldn't really make comments like "who needs a boy to be happy?" in her situation. But well people are hypocrites (don't know if the spelling is right for that)
I guess I could classify myself as a serial dater, but with me I don't think its so much of an insecurity issue.
I truly do believe that you don't need a guy or girl to make you happy. In fact, I feel more comfortable in situations where I'm the single one in the group of friends with their dates; it just fits my personality more. I really doubt generalizing people who date frequently as people who aren't "happy with themselves" or that aren't concerned with knowing their partner is a correct way to approach things. And I'm pretty sure she's been single before, since she didn't just come out of her mother and go on eHarmony now did she?
Stop generalizing. You really don't know what her experiences are, and you really can't make any deductions about her psychological well being just by the fact that she likes to date. Maybe like me she just likes having fun? That and there's always someone there who wants to make me happy =). In such a harsh world, what's wrong with being with people who make you happy?
Nothing :D <3
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - What makes you deduce that she's unhappy unless she's with someone? If someone has never seen her single, how do they assume she's miserable when she's single? And if she's guy hopping like this, then the individual guy is clearly not a need now is he?
@xobeautyrushox@xanga - hmm, I just read your previous comment and you make a good point. I made my comment based on my experiences w/ friends who are like that. I agree, just based on what the OP said I can't make any accurate deductions about how her friend is or her exact reasons for doing what she does. I can merely speculate. If she's like you and just wanna have fun, then it's all good with me! If she's doing it because she's a dependent type of person, that's alright as well. Nothing inherently wrong with that either.
If you don't need a man, why are you saying yes to serial dates, as if they just wanted a dining buddy?
People are serial daters when they can't learn how to be happy on their own. Sad but true.
I have a lot of girlfriends that fall into that mold.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - Not everyone is the same, think outside the box!
well... i guess everyone is different. some people prefer having people's company while some people enjoy being single. as long as your friend is happy, that's good enough :)
i do have friends who are serial daters. but as for myself, i am not. i was single for more than 2 years between the 2 relationships that i had and happily single at the moment :)
i know a serial dater.. but what's wrong with being willing to meet new guys? i don't think it's necessarily weird that she would want to be with someone else and keeping her options open and what-not~
i mean once you start , why stop? i mean, i for one am a bit more picky so i can't serial date... but i serially LOOk lol
I use to be a "serial dater," but then the guys stopped coming around.
I also have a friend who's a serial dater and she's one of "those girls" with the split personality depending on relationship status.
Serial dater. Lol, I lloveee that phrase ;)
I have a friend who is also like this..Actually, many girls are like this. They rely too much on a fella for happiness..or rather, they're scared that they won't be happy without a man. That's so fucking retarded. You should break it down to her.. Be like, stop being completely and foolishly falling in love with every other guy about every other month.
I hate clinginess..she should let it go& have probably a couple years of going out with a guy..if so, no one will seriously..take her "LOVE" seriously =)