I thought I'd write a follow-up to
my post. The original post seemed to have been misunderstood by many, so let me make a few points here to clear things up.
1. I completely trust him. He's a great guy and possesses many qualities that would attract many girls to him. He's my best friend and there are a lot of you saying that I don't trust him, or thinking I don't. Not at one point in the OP did I say I didn't trust him with dating my sister. He's my best friend! Why wouldn't I trust him?
2. I never ever tried to deliberately stop them from dating each other. I didn't say "you can't date her" and I'm not the person that makes the decisions on who they choose to date and not to date. They are. I can't help who they choose to like. If they want to date each other, FINE! It's just not good to be lied to by a best friend about it, and even though he manned up and told me in the end, the fact remains that he was considering keeping it under wraps and behind my back (seeing how my sister told my parents, and I wasn't told by them). It would have went a ton smoother if Mike had just told me that he liked my sister, and I wouldn't be mad.
3. The age thing isn't at all pedophile-ish.
I get it, they're young and three years down the road if they're still together, the difference between them won't matter anymore. I was merely stating that from what I have experienced being 19 years old, I can't see myself dating a 16 year old because they'd be the same age as my sister (however, if the connection is there, I'd go for it just like my best friend did). I'd much rather be with someone my age, but that's almost everybody's ideal dating situation. It sadly almost never works out quite that way.
4. The bro code thing. I DO NOT believe in bro code! Come on people, I'm 19 and in college. I'm more mature than the OP let on. It was a mutual agreement between the group of friends that I have, that we are not to date our friend's or best friend's sisters. This agreement merely stops any weirdness between the group of friends (and trust me, every time I'm around them and Mike isn't, they ask me if I'm pissed about it). The weirdness shows itself in this situation because they only hang out at MY house and nowhere else. Mike fails to acknowledge me when I come home from work, and he leaves without saying a word. He's a great friend, but he's a bit consumed by this relationship from what I see.
5. If they break up, I am NOT attempting to beat his ass. He was there for me when I broke up with my ex four months ago, so as a best friend, I will return the favor. Also, between you and me, he is a grandmaster sensei in isshin-ryu karate. Not many of you will know what that is, but I assure you, he'd drop me pretty quick if I were to fight him. However, if they break up, I am not sure our friendship will be quite the same. He'd always be known as the guy that dated my sister and broke her heart. We'd still be best friends, but I (and the rest of my friends) think that having that consequence isn't worth the risk.
6. My last point. Yes, she's my sister. I am protective of her. I need to be. My older brother wasn't quite the role model or protector that many would envision for a younger sister to look up to. My sister looks up to me because she sees me as that role model and protector. That being said, I have to make sure she stays safe. This time I didn't really have a say, but it works out nonetheless. I also understand that it is best to let her make her own decisions sometimes and let her take the fall to learn from it (if there's a fall to take). She'll need to learn to make her own decisions sooner or later, so while she did pick my best friend, I'd rather have it be him knowing that he's a good guy than someone else.
I hope this helps everyone understand the situation a bit more than I originally let on.
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Comments (26)
uh ok, so what the hell was the point of the OP? Lying is bad. You don't need Xangans to tell you that, homie.
So, then what was the point of getting pissy about it then in the original post? Seriously dude.
yeah, if you weren't actually pissed about the situation itself due to the reasons it seemed that you were obviously pissed at...why the bro code post?
people above... i could understand why you'd make a post like that, especially right after it happens. and even if you're not angry with the situation, to be a little frustrated about it is completely understandable...
good luck with trying to be accepting of this relationship. :]
lol i agree with the first 3 comments.
on a separate note, assuming your best friend is approximately your age, i HIGHLY doubt his skill is that of a "grandmaster" unless he's in one of those factions run by a bunch of people who promoted themselves to 10th dans (roll eyes).
Let me answer your initial question: he lied to you. He told you he wasn't going to do anything with your sister.
so you were just pissed because he lied about the fact that he liked your sister..got it
I think this guy is just trying to clear the storm from his last post....he seemed to get alot of criticism and nobody got the point. Seems like the follow up is to reiterate why he was really mad, which seems to be that his friend lied to him and got with his sister behind his back.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - Even so...it's his best friend's and sister's decision to like each other. He didn't have to be in the middle of it. Things tend to develop without us detecting it sometimes...
So, I don't understand why the heck he seemed so pissed off from the old post, stating that his best friend has "broke the bro-code."
To the guy who wrote about this post -- you said something about him breaking the bro code, so why are you trying to "clarify" the fact that he did not. At least he told you sooner than later. What if the worse situations come...say like, he doesn't tell you, dates your sister, gets her preggo? You'd be more angrier than you were before, right? You'd be think more like, "Why the fuck did the dude not tell me sooner?"
So consider yourself loved, because he eventually came up to you and told you in person. As for being a protective brother, I understand...it's not possible for you to KNOW everything right when it happens. So, accept life as is. Thank you.
Lol.
@AznShyKitty@xanga - That being said, the two are best friends. The least the friend can do is ask if it's alright so it doesn't jeopardize their friendship. It doesnt seem to me like the person who wrote about this was in the middle of it at all. He did nothing to stop them from dating. He didn't separate them, he merely told his friends to keep an eye on them while they were together.
And about that bro code thing, it seems like it's merely a title for the post. This guy doesn't believe in it.
He is probably really tight with his sister, so that's why he wanted his friend to ask first. I'd be as mad as this guy if my best friend dated my sister without telling me until after the fact.
No offense, but girls really can't understand the whole "big brother" deal. As girls you're obviously going to see tell the brother to back off and let them be, but he has every right to be mad. He doesn't want his sister to be hurt, so he wants to know what happens with her, but he doesn't want to interfere.
if you don't believe in the bro code, then why the heck are you writing about it?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I was wondering that myself about the isshin-ryu thing. From what I know of isshin-ryu, it takes a hell of a lot of training and experience, and not just in karate, to get to that kind of level. My old Goju Ryu instructor wouldn't even think about promoting anyone a level unless he thought they were mentally ready for it. It's not a badge to show how many moves you can make. It's a discipline, and I don;t believe you can realistically know all there is to know about a martial art at 19 unless the group teaching is bumping people up the levels once they've met the minimum requirements. It's a dangerous practce, but it happens a lot when groups try to compete for the highest level of 'dans' in the area.
Not that I'm trying to do your friend down or anything, OP. He's probably more skilled than I am. I'm just a little skeptical of karate group practices :p
As for the subject at hand, I can understand the frustration of not being told something was going on when you've suspected something actually is. It's not what is going on, but their perceived lack of trust in you that you apparently don't need to know. When you care about someone enough to have built a relationship of trust, it hurts when it feels like it's been violated for no real reason. They should know being honest with you is always the best thing to do, especially if keeping things hidden is affecting your friendhsip.
best friend or not, he hurts your sister you beat his ass. blood is thicker than water. and more often than not, guys are the ones to mess up first. especially as we get older we fuck up more. it's easier to get a new best friend than it is a little sister.
"I'm more mature than the OP let on."
I mean, OP was made up of your words. Maybe you need to reevaluate yourself.
Essentially what I see here, and actually I saw it from both entries, you seem to be somewhat selfish..... It seems like your entire post, your entire concern about your sisters relationship is the affect that its going to have on you. You're worried about YOUR friendship, you're worried about YOUR group of friends, you're worried that YOU aren't getting the attention that you deserve from your friend....
Chances are that this relationship will end and wont workout in the long run because they are so "young" but then again, do you really want to chance that?? Trust me, the actions and the choices you make even if you think its in your sisters "best interest" WILL end up to come back and bite you in the butt.....
Writing the "follow up" to your original post only confirmed all of this.... Your best bet would have been to just keep it how people felt before....
U need to relax. If your sister is hurt, let her murder him herself, or she has female friends she can plot with. Besides, the only real concern i can see you having is walking in on them whilst making out & such. Get over it.
P.S. You're 19 & in college that DOES NOT equal maturity, lol. give it a few years
Ok... after reading both of your post... This is my conclusion for you:
1. Your first post, you want to know how others think of this situation... You are a bit pissed due to the fact that he lied to you about "not dating your sister"
2. You said that "a week after the party, he tells you he's dating your sister." Think about this... He's your best friend and she is your sister... If I were you, I would rather have a person who I trust dating my sister instead of some random jerk... You would not call him best friend if he is not a nice person, right?
3. Now, if you are his best friend, think on his situation... If he has a sister and she likes you, you told him you're not going to date her... After spending some time together, you start to have feelings for her, and you would think your best friend will understand you and forgive you, am I right?
4. Now if you agree on # 3, he spent a week, I would think he spent this week to think about how to tell you the situation is, and he hopes you will understand... A week is actually pretty fast... he knows that he cannot hide this long... well, it's better for you to know now than one day he tells you that I was with your sister but now it's over...
I hope this helps~
Where is the proof that he lied to you?
It's a hard thing to do to randomly come up to someone and say "hey, yeah, I'm dating your sister now...".
By all accounts, it seems like your friend kept being as honest as he could given the circumstances. I'd stop laying it on him. Unless you're joined at the hip, you're never going to know absolutely EVERYTHING going on in your friends life at the same time that he does.
I may have said this on the OP, but you just need to take a chill pill and relax.
Oh, and what happens if your sister breaks HIS heart? It's possible, you know...
But yeah, chill, and quit worrying so much. You'll age prematurely!
Awwww... now I want an old brother
I have to say, you spent the last post being unhappy about him getting together with your sister(or at least it seemed that way) and now you spend this post defending both yourself and your friend. In my previous comment, I only defended the friend and his decision to date your sister, and hoped you understood. For some reason, I knew you would end up doing what Ron did(OMG, sorry, I'm bringing in Harry Potter again) and just accept the relationship since they are your friend and sister. But I have to say, it makes the whole initial post seem useless. Still, I hold to my previous comment. Your friend did not lie to you. I would not call it lying unless he was already dating your sister and told you he wasn't. Like you said, he is your best friend. He has your interests at heart. He probably didn't want to date your sister because of you but emotions and feelings got the better of him. Now, if that is your only reason to be mad, I think you shouldn't be mad at all.
Holy crap! A Grandmaster? D: I'd definitely be scared to go at it with him XD
@blutengelfinale@xanga - HAHA he'd have to be doing it since he was like 5 to be a grandmaster, which isnt hard, lots of kids start young.