Miss Double Shot
Joe is listed as single. We all know the "oh nooooo!" moment that ensues when someone on your Facebook friends list breaks up with his or her SO, but even more gasp-inducing is when your married Facebook friends suddenly change their relationship statuses to "single" unexpectedly.
Two people I went to high school with ended up getting together in college; they were engaged last year and got married earlier this year. Recently, though, I noticed that she'd changed her new name back to her maiden name and that he had changed his relationship status to single; they were done after about six months. Because I wasn't particularly close with them in high school, I knew it wasn't my place to say anything to either of them, but I still would like to figure out what the hell happened.
Girls I conjugated French verbs with in middle school are moms now (noted on profile photos and in albums full of drooling babies); the girl down the hall from me in college passed away last year (people leave wall messages saying "I miss you" all the time) and people my age are getting married and separating (unintentionally painful "how's married life?" messages are still on walls).
Do you think websites like Facebook will ever add a way for you to announce your both current and past marital statuses? Do you have divorced or separated friends like I do?
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Comments (44)
There are too many teenagers with fake marriages and such.
The divorced option just seems to be a little much. I'm pretty sure none of them want to be "divorced" from any of their friends. And people who are actually divorced may not want that kind of sensitive information out there like that.
The heartbreak icon should definitely go though. Sometimes a break up is a GOOD thing.
I think there should be the option. Ending a marriage cannot be an easy thing and something as simple as changing relationship status can be heart breaking even more. Having a little buffer, the divorce option, seems kinder if a person wishes to use it.
I've also had those "wth?" moments when a married friend goes to single.
MySpace has a "divorced" option. lol
Facebook isnt a dating site. No one cares if you're divorced. If you arent with someone then you're single and thats that.
no point, having the "single" option is enough.
If you don't know that much (that they're divorced) about them, you shouldn't be friends with them on FB where all of your personal information is bared to the world. That's my belief and it's why I "purge" my friends list periodically.
So I went to middle school with her and we haven't talked in.. 7 years? This is probably a sign that she doesn't need to know I have a head cold and I like pink nail polish.
That's one of my biggest peeves with Facebook/Myspace. (And why I only have a FB.)
I think divorced might be a painful option for some. My mom is divorced/single and on Facebook.
~~Mary~~
I hate facebook and just divorced myself from it!
The divorce option would be unnecessary. If you are divorced, you are pretty much single, right? :P
the point of the relationship status is to list your current relationship status, which can only be single (as in open to future relationships) or taken (as in not). i know people who've used the "it's complicated" option when they were in the midst of getting together with or breaking up with an SO, but to me they might as well have stayed with "in a relationship," since they weren't looking for a new one yet.
anyway, divorced means you are not in a relationship, therefore you are single. if we're going to list past relationship statuses, then we could get kind of complicated. what about "has had 16 boyfriends in the last year?" or "has been divorced 4 times?" if you're divorced, you're not married, that's it.
and i don't really care if everyone knows the things about me that i've posted on facebook. i haven't got any terribly personal details on there - any one that i want to know that info knows it from talking to me in person. i'm friends with several people i went to high school with that i haven't talked to in over ten years. i find it best not to think of facebook (or myspace) friends on the same level as actual friends, because they're not. i'm "friends" with several people online that i don't consider anything close to friends in the real world.
and i agree with the person who said they should ditch the heartbreak icon - it's not always a heartbreaking thing to break up.
If you're old enough to be divorced, you're too old to be on facebook.
If you add that then you might as well add an "I'm currently fucking without any emotion" option
@Moktral@xanga - methinks they already have it - "it's complicated"
@Natalia@xanga - Oh, psh, that's no fun and not specific enough.
How about we just kill off Facebook instead? It's a fucking virus plaguing the entire world.
I like your descriptions of people leaving messages for the departed, as well as the unintentionally painful questions about a love that no longer exists. Facebook is such an ephemeral medium of communication in so many ways, in that people are changing their status updates every other minute and old messages get replaced with new ones all the time. And yet, there's also a strange permanence when remnants of the past remain visible and get sort of enshrined on the interface. I suppose that's why it can hurt so much when you see a former love change his status to "In a Relationship," and when the pictures that you had posted of you and him get bumped to the back pages as he posts more and more pictures of him with his new love. We're reminded that what once was is no longer.
Wow, did I just get all philosophical about Facebook? I need to stop studying and give my brain a rest!
they
should have widowed and widowered as well.
Isn't this Xanga? Why are we talking about Facebook?
I think there should be an option...I mean it really doesn't matter to me, but some people don't mind putting up divorce as their status. So why not?
There are too many people out there, esp teenagers, putting up married
when they aren't really married...it's disrespectful to the people that
really are married because they don't really know what married life is
all about.
And with concerning your ex-high school classmates, it's really none of your business, but i know that human curiosity gets the better of us a lot. So if you want, ask and they are willing to tell...fine. Just be careful not to "take sides" because there is always at least 3 sides of a story...her's, his and the full truth in the middle.
As for if i have divorced friends...umm...well I actually have a friend that will be working on her divorce when she gets home from being on vacation this week (visiting family). In their situation, like many now and days sadly, they got married way too quickly and are now realizing that they are not meant for each other. They are absolutely miserable together and trust me they have worked on it for months on trying to make it work...it's just time to call it quits.
Now for friends that are getting married...I recently just had a friend get married 2 weekends ago and have about 1-2 couples next year that are getting married. I'm happy for them esp since they have taken the time to live and get to know each other for years before marriage. Then i have about 6 friends that are engaged/getting engaged really soon.
Yes, my friends and I are still considered "too young" to be married/engaged, but i think that as long as we take the "proper" steps/be mature then i don't see the problem with getting married "young". My ex-pastor got married at age 19 and is still married to this day. Also, it's not just "now" that people are getting married at "young ages" because it's been happening for decades, if not centuries. It's just more "out there"/in the open and more controversial because it's taking teenagers a lot longer to mature now and days because of the changes in society (which is making all the problems with getting married "too young").
lol they certainly do. if you are divorced then the option single isnt going to specify your actual status.
No. Seems a bit anal really.
Personally, if FB is to add a "divorced" status, they should also take care of people of the following status, which I personally believe to be quite the majority of the population:
- married & having an affair
- not happily married (i.e marriage counseling)
- single but not looking (i.e all u stalkers can stop sending random msgs)
- in a relationship & still looking (i.e feel free to hit on me *wink*)
- not happily in a relationship (i.e if u try hard enf, i'll break up w/ my SO & be w/ u)
- in a relationship but secretly wishes to be in another relationship
- in a relationship physically not emotionally (i.e. f*** buddy)
- in love but not yet in the pants (i.e. in need of a booty call)
- in the pants but never in love (i.e. friends w/ benefits)
etc etc etc...
is that too real for the cyber world to handle?
@mocha_mel@xanga - lol how true. And yes, of course it's too real for the cyber world to handle. Heck, it's too real for most people to admit to themselves!
I have never really like Facebook