Wednesday, 10 December 2008
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How My First Online Dating Experience Went
Daring Online Dater I'm still alive! It started off a little rocky. He texted me that he would be late. This was fine, except that meant I had 15 minutes to think about what the heck I was getting myself into. I started freaking out immediately and called every person in my phone book. The beasts were all watching Heroes; no one picked up.
I finally got through to someone and noticed that my phone was blinking on and off. Crap! My phone was about to die. I was supposed to meet a person I've never seen before without his being able to contact me, and if something went wrong, I couldn't call anyone. The bus that would take me home whizzed by - oh so tempting!
He finally called (the cell phone took one for the team and worked) and we met up. He wasn't a jerk; if anything, he was a little timid. The initial moments were somewhat awkward. We had to wait for a table and I had no idea what to say to him. The conversation ran the gamut from "so, how was work?" to complete silence. Not cute.
He looked better in the picture than he did in real life, but he got a lot more adorable as the evening progressed. I asked him if he was born here because he had a bit of an accent, and he told me he was originally from the same country and city as I was. Silly as it seems, I immediately felt like we were kindred spirits.I think the number one thing I would suggest about an online date going well is to make sure you guys have at least one specific thing in common, like you're both English majors, you both work in finance, you both love Xanga, whatever the case may be. Both of you being single does not count as a point of connection. This is important to remember.
We weren't as much flirtatious as we were informational and...curious? The one time I said something indecent was when I was talking about fetishes and he looked all surprised, but I assured him it meant something else in English theory/literature.
Okay, let's move to the bigger picture. It was a Tuesday night, and the city was incredibly inviting. It was crisp, it was bright, it was hopeful, and I wasn't at home complaining about my lackluster love life.The place was packed even though it was a weekday. People do go out and have real dates where they want to get to know each other! It was nice not wondering when something would finally happen to me, but (and I hate this expression but cannot think of another), putting myself out there and having something happen. I really hate waiting around for things, and feeling like I have no control, especially since again, there aren't that many new people around me.
I think the best way to describe what happened was that my world very slightly but pleasantly expanded. I was doing something I never did before, meeting a person and listening to experiences and thoughts I had never thought about before, and the world of guys went from the jerks who weren't interested to people who possibly were.Whenever people say, "There are plenty of guys out there," I only think about the people who I already know who've rejected me. I can't help it. I don't know anyone else!
I don't know if we have chemistry. I think we're both still a little timid, but I'll go on a second date if he calls. Why not? And in the meantime, I'm having coffee with the violinist on Friday. What what?In your experience, how telling is the first date in relation to the rest of the relationship? Is it okay that I don't feel like we completely clicked yet, or when you know, you should know right away? Has anyone else had a hopeful experience where even if it didn't ultimately work out, you felt better about relationships?
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Comments (39)
lol. that coffee mug is used on my site layout. hah.
"I really hate waiting around for things, and feeling like I have no control"
this is one of many reasons why i'd hate to be a girl...you guys generally take the passive role. i can't live life like that.
I always thought that if it didnt work out, at the very least I made a new friend :o) Give it some time, you might not always know right away. Sometimes it takes more than just a meeting or two. Think about it, friends fall in love after knowing each other for over a decade? Timing is also everything too. Good luck!!
It takes more than one date to get to know someone, and initially feelings whether confused with love or whatever is usually just infatuation, lust, or the excitement of meeting someone new... Takes a little time to figure out if there really is something there between the 2 of you....
I would like to be comfortable if I were to go out with someone I met through online...I would hate the awkward silence and the annoying small talks. thanks for sharing...I hate waiting around too...now I am really thinking about giving online dating site a shot. how do you like match.com?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - then..would you like it if someone was in control??? =O
hahah, We weren't as much flirtatious as we were informational and...curious? <
i love that part ~ flirting doesn't get you more than attraction..
curiousity is good.
I think many people are nervous or timid on a first date. The important things are to a) make sure you have some common interests, and b) make sure there aren't any red flags/deal breakers. As you go out more, and get more comfortable around one another, you'll get a better feel for the guy's personality and will be better able to gauge whether things would work between you.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - YES.I hate being passive too. I used to be a passive girl, and it was very frustrating for me to wait on guys only to find out I'd been wasting my time. I actually met my last bf because I decided, for the first time in my life, to approach a cute guy and say hi. Since then, I've been more assertive, and I'm much happier just being straight forward about things, instead of "playing hard to get" and engaging in all those other cutesy (but immature) mind games.
the first date is important, sure, but it's not as telling as the second date i think. the first date is really an ice breaker for you to scope each other out and get a feel. of course everyone is nervous and shy on the first date. it's like that no matter how many you go on, same with interviews. but really the first date is just a testing period, then after that maybe you guys will loosen up and skip the awekward silences. just make sure you have stuff in common and plenty to talk about. the beauty about dating is that you can get to know each other without any obligations. if things go awry after the second or third date just say bye.
@Create_Passion@xanga - Well said! I think the first date is an icebreaker and the second or third dates tell more.
I'm looking forward to another update.
Wow, you totally legitimatized online dating in my eyes as a way to meet new people. I think the fact that you met online makes it a bit harder to completely click by the first date. In other scenarios you probably had something in common and felt some type of connection before you actually embarked on the first date step. Even if it didn't in fireworks, the next one might. If he does call, definitely take it not only because it doesnt hurt to give it a chance, but a free meal is always good! lols!
The first date, whether its a great one, so-so, or awkward, it's still a first date. I'm a firm believer that the third date tells. The second one lets down the guard, and the third you get to see if there's something. Hope he calls back for you. Good for you geting out there.
I've met a few people from online, but those experiences really made me want to stay away from the dating world. However, the "date" with the last guy I met up with wasn't all that bad. It was a bit awkward at first despite the fact we talked every day for two months. But as the day passed us by, we got a bit more comfortable in our own skin. (We hung out for a whopping 10 hours... I know, right?)
He felt we really clicked, but I wasn't exactly on the same wave-length as him. Because we live about 2 hours away from each other, we never really met up again (I thought it was a hassle, lol). I guess you can say he shed a new light on the world of dating and relationships for me; I never really was one to date (I've never even had a boyfriend before, shh!).
And though I don't have much experience in the dating and relationships field, I totally think it's fine that you didn't click right away. Some people don't find the "fireworks" in a relationship until later (as seen from a few of my friends). It's that whole "you learn to love" kind of thing. :)
1) I think online dating is totally legit.
2) I think the second date tells a lot more than the first.
(And I'm glad you had a positive experience and that, even if it doesn't work out you're more hopeful.
)
Well its worth trying again, if anything you might have found a good friend. Id also like to hear about this date with the violinist on friday too. *nosey*
Good now keep it up and you will change your lackluster life into a sparkler.
Haha You can never tell by the first date. I'll use myself as an example. This guy asked me out, we went to a club/bar had some drinks, talked about a variety of subjects, went back to his place, I got completely wasted taking shots, and all that I remember from the rest of that night is that for sure I 1. Threw up in his bathroom sink and then toilet 2. Managed after that to have wild sex with him where I scratched the shit out of his back. To my absolute amazement he called me the next day. That guy is now my boyfriend and we've been together for almost a year. Go figure.
time builds affection
When it comes to guys that I've dated, there have been some that I clicked with almost instantly and others that took a little more time. I think the ones that took more time ended up being the most enjoyable because I got to know them better as I became more attracted to them...opposed to being instantly attracted and that attraction overshadowing everything else. Dating is tough. My SO and I never actually dated. We met, hung out (just doing random things like going to the park, walking in the mall, hanging out with his brothers, etc) and now we're a couple. It made me question the whole dating process..
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I hate being passive too, but apparently guys like that. I got more interest when I stopped being up front
Ugh
>_<
My boyfriend literally had me at hello, to be perfectly cliche.
Generally though, I definitely don't think people know RIGHT away, but it doesn't take long at all to realize whether the two of you will click or not. It should be obvious within the first three dates max.
Good luck! I SO want this to work out for you!
In my online dating experiences, the first date is pretty telling. I have never developed chemistry with someone when it wasn't there on the first date. I tried, but it wasn't there and I couldn't make it be there.
That being said, looking back, each first date I had that ended in a relationship showed me a great deal more about the guy than I realized. Had I been paying attention, for example, I'd have found out that the Musician had no sense of humor--he didn't laugh once on our date, and I'm a pretty silly/funny person (more funny because my jokes are so bad, but still...) And with Mondo, I knew within the first hour that he was something special, and I swear it was something akin to love at first sight (he had me at "Star Wars Wedding"...just kidding
.) So, while I think you should give it a chance if you want to, don't be disappointed if there's no spark there. And don't give up after two dates. It'll be tempting, but just have fun and enjoy the stories you'll have from the experience. I certainly have some doozies
-Katie
@BaRBieGiRL_92587@xanga - That's an admirable trait about women, who go out there and be more assertive rather than playing those cutesy/hard to get mind games. Very admirable, and shows that you have the maturity to go above shallow levels that are reinforced by society.
Personally, I don't agree that this author is dating two men at a time - the violin person vs. this guy, but, some people do that nowadays - date more than one person at a time.
@BrittMiles27@xanga - I knew that looked familiar!
@cdedodgethis@xanga - haha! They say men are like floorboards....
@Just_call_me_the_underdog@xanga - I guess it's admirable, but it has its pros and cons. It eliminates some of the work for the guy, because a lot of guys that I'd go for seem to be intimidated by me, and have a hard time getting up the nerve to talk to me themselves. On the other hand, the fact that I am more straightforward is maybe more intimidating... I give up. It's kind of lose-lose, so I just do what I'm most comfortable with.
well 6 yrs ago I had to start anew due to a bad breakup that took away most of my firends at the time (so much for loyalty), well i actually came on xanga and somehow started meeting ppl, along with guys.
one of whom i am still with today, 6 yrs later <3