Daring Online Dater
After my initial trepidations (thank you for all of your comments -- you made me feel better about the whole enterprise), I actually ended up speaking to several people on match.com.
I did have to field my way through a couple of winners. One guy had "kisses_not_STDs" as his username. I changed the first part of the name to preserve privacy, but his whole "About Me" section was structured around the fact that he did not want to get STDs. One guy suggested we get married immediately. I inquired about his citizenship status - he assured me he was indeed a citizen. The conversation ended there.
I finally did speak to two people I found interesting, but ran into the standard case of Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. One guy was incredibly sweet and a musician (violin, not rock band). The other guy was flirtatious and a little edgy.
The problem with online dating is that much of the tone and subtlety of a conversation is lost through IM. I finally asked Mr. Right Now (the edgy guy) if he was a bit of a jerk. I said that that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, and perhaps he sounded so complacent because we were talking online.
Mr. Right Now: Why, do you find jerks attractive?
Me: Not particularly. Perhaps it's charming in person. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Mr. Right Now: I'm actually a really big jerk.
Abort Abort Abort. Delete Delete Delete! But no, I kept talking to him.
I don't know why; I was intrigued. I know the male constituency is going to say that it's the standard case of girls saying how guys mistreat them when the girls always go for the jerk, but there was something exceptionally interesting and intriguing about his sarcasm and wit.
It was nice to finally have a non-serious conversation on this site. "What's your personality like?" "What do you do for fun?" "What's your idea of an ideal date?" Come on. Who talks like that?
After a series of sarcastic remarks from both parties, I finally asked Mr. Right Now if there was anything he found sacred. The answer: lovely hands and legs. Awful! But again, I couldn't help but laugh.
So we're meeting today. If you don't hear back from me tomorrow, I was on 13th and Broadway at the chocolate place between the hours of 6 and 8 p.m. He was tall, dark and into finance.
In all seriousness, part of me is a little apprehensive about the jerk comment. Part of me feels like I'm wasting my time. Another part of me is 22 and realizes that this is the first date. First dates are always the most fun because you're meeting someone new, it's not at all obligatory, and you still have all the anticipation of what is to follow. So why not try my luck with different people? You never know.
Does anyone else grapple with the problem of Mr./Mrs. Right (the person you want to settle down with) and Mr./Mrs. Right Now (the person you're intrigued by but is probably a womanizer)? Was I wrong to agree to meet the self-professed jerk?
Recommend
Comments (30)
well, i think it really depends on what you're looking for.
i'm always about mr. right, so any mr. right nows can simply just forget about anything.
i know in the end you'll want mr. right but if NOW you're not looking for that then stick to mr. right now.
good luck !
Well, the part about lovely hands and legs is a little of a uuhh.. turnoff lol. But otherwise, I'd say go for it. You have nothing to lose(except maybe your life) but who knows? He could turn out to be the one lol. I can't take him seriously when he actually says he's a jerk, so I would say meet him and see if he is so. Good luck with your date! Still, I don't think that info is gonna help you much if he does turn out to be trouble. Tall dark and into finance is some guy's xanga picture I'd seen and 13th and Broadway between 6 and 8? What state? lol
Haha... I live 3 blocks away from where you're meeting him. I'll keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior. ;) But in all seriousness, I think you were right to pick the one who intrigued you more. You can't force interest in a relationship. Good luck!
I might be inspired to try out online dating if it worked out for you...keep us posted please!
When I first met my fiance it was a blind date a mutual friend hooked us up on. My first thoughts upon seeing him were something along the lines of "he looks like a douche-bag", pardon the french.Â
We ended up not eating, neither of us were hungry, we sat next to a pond in park area downtown and talked for hours. Witty banter is what first got me to let down my "douche-bag" notion, and when he told me his favorite movie was A Clockwork Orange, I knew there was more to him than the jerky exterior. Over a year later we're happier than ever. etc. (insert sentimental mush) You could say he's made me biased towards jerks, but, well, decide for yourself, but give the jerk a shot.It's simple, you prefer guys with a "backbone". I would like to settle down with someone sensitive, sweet, down to earth, honest, faithful and definitely romantic but also with a sense of humor. Is that too much to ask?! But normally guys with these "qualifications" are usually softer in nature.... I want someone that can hold his ground, someone that can keep me interested for years to come. But I don't want a TOTAL asshole. Yea, good guys are rare, just like good girls....
at least he's honest [shrug]
well, normally, id tell you to watch out, and people arent always who they say they are...but if he says he is a jerk, he probably is...
so on that note, still be paranoid a little. lol.
Hahaha i don't like jerky people that talk about loving beautiful legs, so at least I'm safe from that trap.
I'd go on the date, but keep in mind he's a jerk! He outright said it. So be careful!
it all depends. are you looking to date for the experience and fun? or are you looking to date so that you can settle down, marry, and have kids? also, you're on match.com, might as well take the time to meet the different type of guys there are in this world. yes, you may be wasting your time but it also can be fun and rewarding too! good luck on your date! hope it's a blast!
online dating is an experience...i'll tell you that! i've tried it but found that a local friend will prolly work better...
Good luck on your date!!!
I'd like a guy who is really nice and all but can also be a bit human, romantic but not suffocating. I mean I remember this one guy I *really* fancied but he was kind of *too much*. By the second week of dating , I knew he was not ''the one'' and it was entirely because of the way he was too available, not enough mystery and was too romantic. If anyone knows what I mean.
But my perfect guy is Marshall from HIMYM :)
"What's your personality like?" "What do you do for fun?" "What's your idea of an ideal date?" Come on. Who talks like that?
Umm.. pretty much every guy that ever messaged me on plentyoffish.com (and it's free) However, I would never have the guts to actually date anyone from online, so kudos to you!
I don't think it's a waste. I remember hating a few of the guys I ended up thinking I was in love with throughout the middle school/high school days. And I was nearly engaged to one of them!
Give the guy a chance, and maybe even the things he finds sacred ;) but definitely be careful with your sacred heart.
Good luck on the date! And you have to give him props for being honest.
What's that Marilyn Monroe quote "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve my best"? I think he's sorta playing that edge. Best of luck! :)
well...i did the online dating thing for aobut 9 months...i was tired of being set up on blind dates by everyone and their mothers too. I met MANY Mr. Right Nows and when I look back in retrospect, it was easily seen even though at the time I just thought, "what the hell" and gave it a shot. Some of the shots were good and some were well pretty much worse then awful. I met ALOT of jerks and a lot of nice guys. (and the whole marriage proposal thing right off the bat happens more then you think...in 9 months I was proposed to 5 times within weeks of meeting guys)...i don't know what to make of that lol)...AND eventually I DID meet Mr. Right...my hubby. Yes, we met through an online dating service and been together for over 5 happy years now. So I guess, it really depends on what you are looking for in the date. Go and expect him to be a jerk and at least you know better next time to listen to your intincts or he may not come across as jerky and sarcastic in person and you might have at least a good time out of it:)
pleeease keep me updated this is so interesting to me
I vote for Mr. Right though, violins beat out "edgy" any day
As for your question, I don't know I'm too caught up in the possibility of dating a violinist.
remember to carry mace
I'm disappointed.
Still falling for the cocky-and-funny attitude I see? Your type who easily eats into that is the type I'd love to steer clear of.
Ah....what is there to lose?? But just remember for some odd reason we, women, are strangely attracted to men that are "rough around the edges"/"bad boys" and it doesn't mean that they are "the one". Just keep an open mind, use common sense and be careful....listen to your mind before heart when it comes to situations like these.
PS...but i do give him props for being honest even though it can back fire (for you) on the date if he is really that big of a jerk.
This post makes me want to be a jerk!
just keep that "he is a jerk" flag waving!
xo
o0o please update me on how your date goes. I'm interested in this whole online dating scene just as well. My friend's have been telling me to try it due to the fact that I've drained out my friends of friends route to meet a girl. Let me know how it goes and I MAY try this online dating.....though I did try it once and let's just say uh.....no thanks. @.@
But mmm I just want to say women love jerks, they find them intriguing. Much more interesting than the typical romantic PREDICTABLE guy. That's why you're interested. His responses aren't predictable or normal, in fact their abnormal therefore you find him more intriguing. (Perhaps I should learn something from his convo to you) haha Anyways have fun and just be careful at the same time!