This is a guest blog submitted by standup2life. For those of you who read my blog, you know the whole story, but for those who don't, let's just say we're dating. It's never actually been said, but I think we both know what's going on. We may be on the way to something more, but for all intents and purposes, right now we're only friends. I'd never really put much thought into it, but the topic actually came up between us this weekend. At this point, who pays?
We went out for drinks Friday night, and he paid for everything. Okay, neither of us had cash, so that was his excuse - and he charged it all. On Sunday, thinking nothing of it, I grabbed the bill for dinner and paid it. He gave me this look, and I said I told him I didn't have any cash, so I'd just charge it. He asked how much he owed me. I told him nothing - he paid on Friday. I always figure things pretty much always come out even in the end.
After dinner we were going to see a movie. I didn't realize that he had bought the tickets ahead of time - making it even more unlikely that I would have let him pay me back for dinner. Then I realized, it may all come out even in the end, but is he expecting to pay for me? Is it a nice gesture? Is he expecting me to pay him back? How do you handle a situation like this? Should it be automatically assumed that the guy always pays? I hate that, I always feel bad making that assumption.
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Comments (32)
Pay when you want to pay. If he always wants to pay, let him pay when you don't want to. It's really simple.
There's no right or wrong answer here. If he gives you a hard time about you paying, tease him, and make it into a big joke.
The end.
Go Dutch???
whoever asks, pays.
You could always ask when the bill comes. If you're uncomfortable with that though, like I would be, just pay whenever you're able or want to.
Whatever you do, DO NOT insist on paying when he has already said he will. Don't offer to split it, don't offer to pay for something else later, just thank him and let it go.
Agreed, pay when you want to pay. It's the 21st century even if you WERE dating you should both take turns paying.
If someone picks up the check and I ask, "How much do I owe you?" and their response is, "Nothing...", I make sure to pick up the next one...
I must say that I typically agree with abcxunton this one...If I ask a girl, I do not expect her to foot a bill...Now if she offers, I let her know that if she wants to pick one up, she can ask me out whenever...
I really depends...In your situation, just don't feel awkward if he picks it up...However, if he does mention something, don't be surprised...
Just let it ebb and flow. If it's both within your means, and it's more or less split evenly, keep it that way.
It just depends. As the previous posters have suggested, whoever asks, pays.
Dont make a big deal of it, but make sure that one or the other doesn't end up taking advantage of the others generosity.
I dont think that it should be assumed that the guy should always pick up the tab, unless it's been previously arranged. Unless specifically stated, I doubt that you should assume you need to pay him back, but be careful that he doesnt use it as leverage for other favors - such as sexual ones.
Just play it on the fly and keep things even, is my advice...
it seems like he wants to pay. if it makes you feel uncomfortable (i split everything with my bf), just let him know or steal the check sometimes! haha
it is a nice gesture of him to pay for everything. Ussually I would try to have one pay once, then next time the other pays to try and make it even.
i split everything with my bf, he does pay on special occasions, but it's the 21st century, i don't think guys should have to pay for everything, whether it's just causal dating or bf/gf status.
if he's chasing after you, let him pay. my sister's dating some loser (to me at least) who's only paid for one of her meals, her birthday meal...that's it. girls can pay if they insist, but i always pay, that's just it.
if the guy wants to pay. let him pay. when you feel like hes paid enough and that you wanna take a crack at it...you pay. pretty simple stuff. my guy friends pay for my dinner all the time...and we arent even dating... but afterwards i know i have to pay for lunch or dinner next time. just how it is. but if you guys are seeing each other...and he asked you out on a date. wtheck let him pay. he probably already prepared to pay. so why even fuss about the bill...just concentrate on having a good time. thats pretty much what he wanted anyway.
it's like..taking turns =) i like that.
I don't need to read your blog to know this one: You're both not REALLY dating. You say you are, but you believe you're not really, officially, dating. So, both of you pay.
Shit, you both should pay anyway. This ain't the 1920's!
it doesnt matter if you're dating or not. my boyfriend pays for most of the stuff we do. but i occassionally chip in and buy dinner or pay for the gas sometimes. so even though we're in a relationship, i'll still pay.
but back in the day when i had a really good guy friend, he would always pay for everything! we defiantly werent dating, just good friends. but he insisted on paying for the stuff we did. so even if you arnet an "item" he might still just want to pay for stuff.
sometimes its a way for guys to show off and feel manly too. i wouldnt worry about it. if he offers to pay let him. if you feel like you should help out every so often then go for it! just do what you think is right!
I would say let him pay for the special events.. Dinner at a new restaurant or a special event the two of you go to. But for the in between things, such as lunch at McDonald's or a drink at Sonic, always try to pay unless he insists otherwise.
I would say pay when you invite him/her and the other person pays when he/she invites you somewhere.
It makes sense, yaarr?
If it's a problem, and if you really want to just divide up the cost, carry enough cash to pay your part, and let him charge the rest on his card
i totally understand because i'm in the same situation.
he used to pay for everything... and i hated it. i can't take that. i know it's nice, but it makes me feel SO WORTHLESS.
so one day i just paid before he could.
and i'm ok with it, as long as it evens out.
so i figure taking turns.
he gives me looks, but he'll get over it. it's how i roll, yo.
You could ask him how he wants to handle it. Something like "I never know how to handle these situations. I know that some guys want to pay for everything, or only do that at the beginning, or want us to split things...and I'm fine with any of that. I want to know what you are comfortable with."
Oh, i dont know what not officially dating means but if you are doing what things like making out and such...they are still dates...and I stand by my previous comment.
guys usually pay, but it's really sexy when the girl at least offers.
I'm old school, but the man should pay. They squander their money otherwise
Always offer to split it. If he declines, let him pay.
The exception here would be if a special occasion or something. Then just let him pay. Unless its like his birthday..or something.
Another exception would be if you see that its really expensive, you may 'declare' that you're going to split, instead of 'offering.'
Also, bring cash. It's pretty dumb saying you'll split if you have no cash to help split it =T
No he doesn't expect you to pay him back.
I think you should either split the cost or pay for the next date to make it fair. I don't like it when my boyfriend pays for everything. He shouldn't have to and it shouldn't be assumed that he will every time.