Monday, 08 December 2008
-
Is Unrequited Love Pathetic?
This is a guest blog submitted by arrivingnow.Recently my boyfriend of 16 months and I broke up even though he and I still had feelings for each other. It took a lot of thinking, but I've decided I still love him more than I can't stand him. I'm almost positive that he no longer wants or loves me due to his constant avoidance of me. But I can't seem to get rid of these feelings no matter what I do.
So my question is, do you think unrequited love is pathetic and one should always move on? Or should a girl stick to her true feelings?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (45)
To the opening: That depends on who is showing the love, why they love them, who's getting crushed on, and how hard they take it when they are rejected.
To the blog: If you love him, how did the breakup ensue? And for the breakup, it's much easier to just ride it out, and look the other way...or ask your ex if there is a possibility.
Okay, honestly don't for a second think that unrequited love is pathetic. You cannot control your feelings and if you could, we would probably all be doing that at some stage in our lives. Let your heart run it's course... it doesn't mean it's absolutely never going to happen again just because it's over now, but it also doesn't mean that it will definitely happen again because you still have such strong feelings.
Stick with your feelings and you'll never go wrong, I say. Your feelings will run their course and there is nothing you can do to stop them, I realised a long time ago. My belief is that something good will always come from something negative... from this experience, if you do get back together then you'll learn from whatever caused you to break up this time. If you don't get back together, it's because there is someone who is 100 times better suited to you out there that you won't make the same mistake with =).
Hope I helped. I know it's hard at times like these, but please try and remain optimistic.
I hope everything works out for you.
Kayleigh
I think that if he's avoiding you it's cuz he doesn't know how to handle his feelings for you, since you guys broke up.
I suggest you talk to him and see what happens. You never know.. maybe you guys will end up togetheer again!
Unrequited love is only pathetic if you refuse to move on. It's okay to take time to grieve, and you don't need to pretend you're over him when you're not. Don't date until you're ready. Eventually you'll get over him. But don't try to force anything.
It's only pathetic if you let it disillusion yourself. If you can see that it's there and figure out ways to overcome it or deal with it in a way that you see fit, then it's not pathetic.
If you two just broke up, it's natural that there are some feelings left over. Getting over someone is a process and the love you hold for someone will linger even after the relationship is over.
It's only pathetic if you're still feeling this way six months later.
no, but whining excessively about it is pretty pathetic, i think.
if you two just broke up, give yourself some time. feelings don't magically go away. good luck!
you won't have to suppress your true feelings towards him, let them run as they will eventually fade in time. moving on doesn't take a day... it takes time and patience.
I don't think unrequited love is pathetic at all. Eventually you'll learn to move on, and yet love him all the same. Yes it sounds contradictory, but it's possible.
If you really care you'll find a way to talk to him... Then all you can do is see what happens from there....
Unrequited love is only pathetic when you're still making him the center of your universe months later.
In the meantime, find a hobby you like. It will help you to not think of him as much.
Some suggestions:
*Belly dancing
*learn a new language
*Underwater basket weaving
*Become one of those moody ladies in the coffee shops. Complete with bongos
*speaking of bongos: learn a new instrument!
*play a recreational sport/learn a marial art
Best of luck
feelings aren't something you can control. people don't just wake up and decide they are going to fall in love with someone. all you can do is wait.
if he loves you, things will work out. if not, time wil heal all wounds. it's not going to be an easy ride, but in the end things will all work out for the best.
good luck!
I thought unrequited love was only if you failed to hook up... seeing as it's been a 16-mo relationship
You broke up with him for a reason and being away from someone allows you to ignore the bad and focus on the good. When you're back with him this "Romanticized" version of him will dissappear and you'll be back where you started.
So no it's not pathetic but you need to be realistic about it. What you love about him, is that enough to keep you sane in that relationship? Try to remember why you broke up in the first place.
Yes, it is pathetic. If you're not married to the dude, move on and find someone else and stop swimming with the idea that "soul mates" exist.
Unrequited love is not pathetic. Delusional thinking that things will change is.
Love is never pathetic until you consume yourself too much about it..and a part of you die.
16 Months, why not just say a year and half..-_-
Not to be a pessimistic nob but...
"All love is unrequited. All of it." ~J. Michael Straczynski
No unrequited love is not pathetic...everyone probably has been through it before.
Why did you break up in the first place...?
I think your boyfriend is just wary of seeing you again because he doesn't know what you're thinking. Has there been a lot of talk about wanting to break up before the acutal break up? If so, he may think that you think that breaking up is an 'easy decision' which is definitely not the case for your boyfriend.
Talk to him. Ask him if there is still a chance. And when you do, make sure you honestly do think there is a chance...it would completely suck if you got back together just to break up again. I've been there before and boy do I hate it. I know exactly how your boyfriend feels.
@kjones210291@xanga -
You're totally right. I had a boyfriend of 11 months and I basically broke up with him right before our one year. I couldn't stand the way he was acting anymore. After I broke up with him, I realised that I still did love him a lot. In return, he basically had nothing to do with me anymore. I was out of his life. So as months went on, I learned to deal. I still loved him very much but I thought, "He should have whatever's best for him, even if that doesn't include me." That's when I started moving on a bit more. A few months after that, I met another guy and like you said, he was 100 times better. And I'm positive the same mistake won't happen again. (:
Of course I still care for my ex (not in that lover type of way). I just want what's best for him. I couldn't possibly hate someone so much after having loved them for awhile.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Like everyone else is saying, don't turn away from your feelings. You can't help who you like.
Goodluck to you! (:
When unrequited love becomes an obsession that inhibits you from being happy, then no, it is most definitely NOT okay.
Love should NOT make you miserable. Once you get to that point, it's time for you to move on.
Don't let it eat you up inside--unrequited love doesn't HAVE to be bad, but it often is.
@irishgrrl690@xanga - I agree completely. Unrequited love is not pathetic till it becomes an obsession, and begins to control your life.
If you want to take action then do so other wise let it be. Love from a distance, then you'll meet some one who give you butterflies and you wont look back.
Just let it run it's course. Your feelings will eventually fade. You'll move on and live a happy life. You'll find a new love who will treat you better than you could have ever imagined. And you'll realize your previous love wasn't really for you at all. Maybe he'll end up a dead beat or something, then you'll be thankful you found yourself someone else.
Everything always works out pefectly somehow. It'll be well worth all the heartbreak you feel in the end.
pathetic? i don't think so.. it's just unavoidable. it's not something you can control. it just happens. but how long you dwell on it *is* something you can control. there's nothing wrong with wallowing in it for a little while, but eventually you have to pick yourself up and move on because you can't change how someone else feels (unless you want to be some sort of psychotic stalker and have a restratining order filed against you.... not recommended.. i've had several stalkers before... it doesn't work).
there's 6 billion people in the world. don't worry... odds are pretty good that there's someone out there for you.