Sunday, 07 December 2008
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Online Dating is Not Humiliating
Mr. Giraffe
A few days ago, there was a post about online dating and some people tended to think that it was a last resort kind of thing.I disagree. Meeting someone online has a stigma, I think, because it implies that the online dater is striking out in the non-virtual world. But that isn't true! Personally, I think online dating is more for people who don't want to waste their time with lame blind dates or trying to find a soulmate at a bar/club. Online dating is more for people who are looking for a serious relationship and who only want a choice from people who are looking for the same.
What are your thoughts?
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Comments (30)
I think it is for more serious people. My mom found a man on the internet and had been dating him for two years. It helps you find someone with YOUR interests and so you can be compatible. Dating is not simple enough that you can be set up on a blind date and find your soul mate.
I find online dating are for more "desperate" people or anyone who don't really have the time to go out and look for someone.
I'm frustrated with the "online dating" stigma... the key reasons being mentioned by the person above me (YAR). I think it's a good way to get to know someone without having additional pressure... Granted, a person could present a totally different persona in "real life" ... but I think this could happen in any dating situation. That being said, if honesty is to be had by both parties, it's a perfectly reasonable way to "date" or at least forge something that can grow deeper later. I've done it before .... and wouldn't be adverse to trying it again.
I would not describe myself as desperate by any means. I don't get to get out much. I met my boyfriend online, but we didn't start dating until we had met in person as friends first--and it worked out really well. I've never felt such a connection with anybody before, and neither of us are bad looking or obese or dysfunctional, he just is very picky and I just don't leave the house much due to school work and...well, I like the internet!
(disclaimer: not that being overweight or ugly or emotionally unstable makes you desparate-- that just tends to be the connection I think people make)
Nothing with online dating. Xanga is online, there are tons of people that have met up from Xanga :o) I actually met my last ex on AOL and we dated for 10 yrs. At the time we both werent looking for a relationship, it just happened by chance. I personally dont have a lot of time to go "mingle" with the world. I got work, school and on my spare time I'm just doing my homework and studying. Occassionally I'd go out for my friends bdays but thats it.
I have nothing against online dating. Think about how much you get to know somebody through their blogging account. You can meet some great people online with good senses of humor and interesting thoughts. You can discover a lot about a person online. If you surf around you can probably name a person or two who you imagine would be cool to hang out with. The Internet can be a form of communication and an avenue for people to meet later on. Why knock it?
Hey, I met my fiance online. How can I think poorly of it when it brought me to him?
-Katie
Hmm, I think it works for some people. My best friend talks to guys online, and it helps her. But at the same time, I can't. I've tried, talking to random guys - who say they're looking for a relationship, like me. But I haven't really felt anything. They aren't real in my mind, and I don't feel comfortable meeting them. I like meeting someone and having an instant physical attraction, and I like being able to read someone's face to see their reactions.
I also think I'm like that because my ex, whenever he's upset, you can't really tell through a text or IM with him. He barely says anything. But he's a very easy read in person, and I like being able to understand someone without the barrier of not being able to see their face.
But if it works for some people, no, that doesn't - in my mind - mean they are desperate at all! It's just what works for them.
I agree, with someone's profile online you can learn about them and decide if it's something you want to pursue. I met my last bf on myspace (haha) and we lasted for a good 9 months, I know it doesn't seem like a lot but when you're 19, it does
it might be the most convenient way to meet people, why not? people who hate on internet dating is just bitter because they haven't been successful. i haven't try it yet but for busy people, it might just work.
it works well.
this is debateable.. i have a friend who met her bf online who lived in the same city. they dated for three months visiting eachother for awile until he moved to Pennsylvania. Now they're engaged and still continue the relationship long distance until the get money and diplomas to get married.
i currently am attracted to a guy in texas. he's attracted as well but doesn't believe in online dating
we still talk about the chances of meeting someday and becoming something more but its the actual act of long distance/online that he doesnt want to do. he takes the time everyday to talk to me when he can but finds it pointless to call it a relationship. still, i cling to any chance i have of ever being with him, i've even refuse to date anyone near me just to keep me open for him.
i do have faith in us meeting someday and being together. if i'm the only person hes been talking to for the past 6 1/2 months, everyday, maybe theres something stronger there then he actually thinnks.
i'm sad that he doesn't believe in online dating but in reality our relationship would be pointless because we could not meet any time soon. not at least for another 8-12 months or who knows if that even works out. so i guess in a sense i dont believe in it.
but theres proof its possible and real just as physical dating (my friends situation)
so i donno. i'm in between. i think if he and i initated a relatiionship i would more than likely go for it.
wait.
what exactly is online dating?
is it when you meet someone online, talk to them for awhile, meet and initiate the relationship. so its the process of finding someone through the internet tha makes it online dating.
or is it when you have a continuous relationship online hoping/planning to meet someday? (possibly not soon)
hm, it's not bad lol
didn't people give their thoughts on the last post?
XD
@Pyrra@xanga - I think it's the first one. wow, so you're keeping yourself available for him even though he's not taking the next step...sounds like something I would do too, but I realized as I got older that relationship should be more natural and you never know what the future holds...there might be someone near you that's perfect for you or one day you might get to meet this guy from texas...don't hold your breathe but let fate unfold.
@Trigger821@xanga - well i'm being realistic about it. i know theres the possibility of him getting a gf. but he hasn't dated in awhile and he spends alot of time takling to me, he doesn't really go out. i don't like to go out either so alot of time is spent online with eachother. alot of people tell me tofind someone here but im just hooked on this guy. i'm afraid of making abad choice here and im in no rush for finding a bf (my last relationship ended last february)
i'm the type of person to put my hopes up. its a bad thing at times but its just the way i am so my hopes high with this guy in texas is nothing new and im ready for any disappointment possible.
i dont blame him for not wanting to online date it makes sense because it'd be awhile before we meet. i'm still 19 and my parents..uhhh..kinda strict. hes 22 and graduates in may. but then hes going for his masters. so it seems like itll be awhile before anything happens. then again if he says he wants to meet im willing to just go to texas despite the way my parents would react.
id onno i guess like i said i set my hopes up too high in things and its usually guys but its life, you know? it would be all worth it in the end for something real.
It's not humiliating whatsoever. And those who say that people who do online dating are desperate, I guess you don't know them very well. I have two girlfriends who are married to guys they met online, and both of them have children now. And I have another girlfriend who is engaged to a met she met online (after they met up in person). So I never knock online relationships - I know they can work.
But of course, with every pro, there is a con. Of course there are online relationships that didn't work, etc. Does that mean, though, that online relationships suck? Is humiliating? That is such a general statement.
I think blogging about this is just an attempt to make the blogger feel better about it. Sure, I agree, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. But does that mean EVERYONE will feel that way? Of course not. Wake up! So what, some people find it desperate, or crazy....it shouldn't bother you.
Personally, I think it's a good idea if you're somewhat decent with using a computer/internet. It also takes good judgment, which a lot of people lack. If you don't know that meeting a complete stranger in a private place is a bad idea, than online dating is clearly not for you. However, as long as you can browse web pages, check emails, know when and not when to give out information, than you should be fine.
People are always going to have their opinions about it. Stop caring over how they feel. Some of them are just happier meeting strangers at bars.
It doesn't bother me. I hate the whole clubbing scene, and I find meeting people online reveals a lot more information about them than trying to talk to a stranger in a club. But that's just me....
@Pyrra@xanga - the reason why I commented to your comment was because I did that too in the past...waiting for someone who wasn't waiting for me...so I guess I sort of identify with you in this case. Well, I am glad you're being realistic about it though cause I wasn't...my mentality back then was like "if I just wait long enough...if I just try a little harder..." anyway, every experience is a learning opportunity and it shapes us all differently. I hope the two of you will get to meet up one day though. =)
i feel more comfortable dating a person that i've known for a while.
i agree but it has a stigma nonetheless
I've had friends tell me to try online dating since they've basically almost exhausted all their female friends to introduce to me and since I'm always either working or out with the same bunch of friends I don't meet anyone new. Now I'm not the type to randomly start initiating convos with random people at a coffee house so they thought it would be great.....
But personally I always found online dating as something that I PERSONALLY feel is only if I am DESPERATE. (Don't flame me, it's just how my thought process works in this regards) So I don't really go into the whole online dating scene. Though I did give it a try many years ago and met up with someone, let's just say it wasn't a good experience overall..... heh
hehehe...
i met my bf through here/xanga.
people can call me pathetic and him a stalker, but it doesn't mean anything to us. we're really happy together.
IMHO, online dating features the same goals as anything else. Some people look for hookups (craigslist has a rep for this), marraige (eharmony has a rep for this), serious relationships, they arent sure, they are just looking/chatting but not meeting, it depends on the guy/gal they meet, etc...
Speeddating seems to have the same sort of range.
Basically...you consciously or subcnsciously find (screen for) what you are looking for. That means some ppl can go to a prticulat site and find all hookups and some can find serious relationships.
Bars are interesting. You can find dating oriented people at social events or dating events at bars. Same thing. Different people screen for different things and have different goals.
-Cuisine