This is a guest blog submitted by huliogoesrawr.I have been in a relationship for about eight or nine months now and I'm very happy with my boyfriend. However, he is constantly buying me things, and these items are usually fairly expensive. While I know I should appreciate this, and the affection and presents are nice, sometimes I feel weird. I'm having trouble thinking of something special to buy him for Christmas, and I don't have as much money to spend as he does. I told him this, and he says he doesn't care, but I still feel inadequate.
Is there anyway to tell him that it would be easier if he didn't spend so much money? I've expressed my feelings that I don't feel right accepting the gifts, but he never listens. How can I get him to stop?
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Comments (32)
Tell him he's infinitly better than any gift he could buy you, and he should slow down and not spend so much money on you; you're content.
Well, just tell him that you don't need gifts in order to be happy with you. If you want something, you will either tell him or you can also get it yourself if you like. But just tell him that perhaps, in terms of financial balnce, he can cut that down just a bit. Save the money, for when you guys really need it.
Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. If he still insists, then that's on him. He's doting on you because he's crazy about you.
All you can really do is explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable. If he doesn't stop then...well, I guess you'll have to get over it. Or break up with him, but that seems ridiculously extreme.
If it makes you uncomfortable, really sit down with him and talk with him about it. Don't just leave it at a passing phrase such as "Oh, you shouldn't have done this" or "I really can't accept that" and then condone it with the action of taking the gift anyway. If you honestly want him to get the message, don't take the gifts and explain why it makes you uncomfortable until he understands.
You're lucky to have a boyfriend that dotes on you, however. Don't take it for granted, but don't refuse to accept it either. He's just treating you like the amazing person you are to him.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN BUY ME?
LOVE .
LOVE IS PRICELESS, BABY !!! HAHAHAHHAHA. insike joke, sorry!
"she said she ain't a gold digga, but she ain't messin' with no broke niggaaaa." hahhaha, i'm not calling you one.
just stop accepting his gifts. tell him no, it's simple as PI..
3.14...
I have this problem with my boyfriend too! I've talked to him several times, but honestly, if he loves you and he wants to get you stuff, he's going to get you stuff.
I've told my boyfriend flat out to just stop, and he doesn't care. I feel weird about it too, but there's only so much effort I'll put forth before I accept things for what they are.Just express your gratitude and that he really shouldn't feel the need to buy you expensive gifts -- you're just happy with his company. I have a feeling, though, that probably the reason he lavishes you with gifts is because he sees how thankful you are and it's exactly because you DON'T demand those gifts that he keeps giving them to you. Guys live for seeing the expression on their girlfriends' faces when they're happy and excited.
By the way, when he tells you that you don't need to buy him anything nice, he's probably serious about it. My last girlfriend didn't make as much money as I did but initially she felt the need to "measure up" and get me nice things, as you feel about your boyfriend -- but I was very clear that I'd be happy with anything she bought me (or made for me), and it's the thought that counts. I'm not a very materialistic person, but anything I really need I can buy for myself anyway. Sounds like your boyfriend has that financial flexibility as well, so if I were you, I wouldn't stress about it.
I am in the same position...just switch the roles.
Next time, tell him thank you, but also say that you really feel uncomfortable when he buys you expensive things.
Maybe compare that the situation that you can't spend as much, and when he does you feel you can't compete [though you're not trying to compete, it might hit him *light bulb*]
Say you feel inferior when you receive expensive things, because you know you can't get him the same things.
[slightly off topic:] My bf told me he couldn't get me expesive things. I said that was fine, id rather him make me something =] anyway he told me he doesn't want me spending too much on him because he can't 'compete' with what i give him.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry if I offended you in some way =/
My boyfriend did the same thing.
Even now as my ex he buys me things.
I told him to not buy me a lot of things but told me he didn't mind.
As I didn't have a job when I dated him I had trouble buying things back but he never wanted me to. I made him things though.
Only thing is, when my boyfriend and I got into fights he would say "Do you know how much money I've spent on you?" thing. Because he lives two hours away. It was a lot... =/
Giving gifts is his primary way of expressing love. If you want to give back in some way, figure out how he receives love best. For example, does he like spending time with you more than anything? Does he glow when you compliment him? Would he absolutely love it if you washed his car or did something else for him without being asked?
It probably just makes him happy to be able to provide for you. You don't have to compare your finances with his; just look at what you ARE able to give (like your time, your words, your kisses)
and hopefully that should offset some of the guilt.
I have the same problem. Only difference is that the expensive presents come during Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine's Day. I try to give him a wish list things that I REALLY want (knowing each item is $50) and tell him that he's only allowed to buy 1 thing out of that list. It hasn't worked out well so far, but I'm working on it.
my boyfriend has bought me nice gifts way before we started going out or liking each other in that way... my birthday is coming up... hopefully he won't overspend on me this holiday season. we'll see
that;s a good question. im not sure what to tell you though. men get sensitive when you reject things. especially gifts or letting them pay for things. it hurts their ego. what i do suggest is that you get him something that will touch his heart. things that touch his heart wont cost as much money but will have an equal if not better value. of all the things my boyfriend got me for my birthday, i liked the card the best.
i dont know what will touch his heart though...i dont know him. ummm...draw a portait of him or frame a photo of the two of you together. express your feelings and memories of him in a gift somehow. something like that. i hope that helps
@cuzimlexxi@xanga - how bout only putting one item on your wishlist. that way he'll only get one...
o. and i hope he doesnt have any hidden intents with these gifts. some guys like to buy love or buy affection and buy gifts so that you can owe him something. i hope that's not what it is.
I'm in the exact same situation, and he refuses to listen. It makes me feel bad because then I don't feel like I'm giving him enough; but he insists to give me things anyways. So I can't really give you any advice there.
I feel uncomfortable when guys keep buying things for me because they might say "I spend all this money on you, blah blah blah!" when you get in a fight.
I think as long as he doesn't bring it up against you it's fine, but he's being a real jerk if he does cause you're not asking for it.
-A
Returning the notion as a thank you. Maybe buying OR making him little things, even though they may seem simple, will Let Him Know He's Appreciated.
& STOP COMPLAINING!! I WISH I HAD YOUR PROBLEMS
the answer is, you don't.
as long as hes not broke bcos hes buying u all these gifts, then its ok.
trust me. not even when ur married.
i meant...
trust me..
dont even tell him about it even when ur married!!!
stop recieving his expensive gift and said you want something that's hand made by him.
aw, that's really nice of him! even if it makes you feel weird, don't ever not accept a gift from him because he may take it the wrong way. just tell him that you don't want him spending so much on you because you feel uncomfortable and worry that he might think you're taking advantage of him.
you can also make him little things. like, bake him some cupcakes or knit a scarf for him. it sounds cheesey and really old school, but it'll make him melt. it'll also make him feel like he's appreciated. or, you can encourage him to make you something. i told my boyfriend to give me something homemade and he gave me a jar of homemade honey. i eat it every morning with toast and it's great.
HAHAHA...
"Honey...Stop buying me expensive gifts..."
Case closed...Funny how this thing called "communication" works...
Actually, ask him to buy you some self esteem so that you feel like you deserve these gifts...
Who the hell complains about a gift bearing boyfriend?