Saturday, 06 December 2008
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Competing for Your Friends' Attention
Mr. Giraffe
My friend Jessie has two really close friends: Oliver and Deena. They went to high school together and they hang out all the time during breaks. But, as with most groups of friends, there is some drama.Deena is pretty insecure and is the kind of girl that has to be reassured that you like her. In my opinion, when someone keeps asking me if I like them or if I hate them, it makes me not want to be their friend, which is also what Jessie is feeling. Oliver (who's gay, btw), gets along well with both girls but moreso with Jessie.
The drama started the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Jessie, Oliver and Deena were all hanging out and enjoying some pleasant conversation. On her way home, Jessie got a text meesage from Deena, accusing Jessie ignoring her all night. Over the next few days, Jessie kept getting the same, or similarly themed, messages. Essentially, Deena thinks that Oliver and Jessie are better friends with each other than with her.
Jessie doesn't deny it - she admits that she just feels closer to Oliver, but that shouldn't be any reason for Deena to get upset. It's not that Oliver and Deena leave her out; Deena is just too insecure to realize that though they may be closer, it doesn't mean she's not valued as a friend.
What do you think Jessie's situation? Have you had a similar experience?
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Comments (22)
i have no friends. can't help you.
It's hard for a group of 3 people to be friends. There will always be someone left out...
You are so pathetic, do you ever get sick of how much of a low life you are? You have no idea what we fight about me and him are ex's its different and if you brain wasn't as small as you're dick little boy maybe you would get that. So, a little advice? I mean that's what this sight is for right? Go FUCK YOUR COUSIN! Oh wait, don't have to tell you twice!!! You already are! Oh or go steal more money from friends and family by stealing their id! GROW UP YOU STUPID EVANGELICAL MORON OR AT LEAST GROW A BRAIN YOU FAT UGLY IDIOTIC FUCK! Or at least do yourself the favor and everyone else...just end it...,,,(ooooh i am breaking the elpises rule the grammar police are going to get me FUCKING NO LIFE LOSER!)
@guess - I really don't mean to intrude, but I don't think your comment really has anything much to do with the topic discussed by the post. A comment such as the one you've made may have been wiser to convey in a message to the person, rather than as an angry, nonsensical comment on a post.
To the OP - can't really help, I don't hang out with drama queens much.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Cheb/Chitwood do you ever get sick of how pathetic you have become? you don't do things in person, you do passive aggressive attacks with phony websites and blogs with phony names and people, you know like the phony facebook profiles? don't lecture me or insult me you fucking coward. i will gladly say it to your face anytime anywhere if you have the dick to step up. YOU HIDE YOU AREN'T MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT ALL YOU'VE DONE AND WILL DO SO WHY SHOULD I? WE ARE PLAYING BY YOUR RULES NOW! This is clever, its just sad you idiot.
@guess - You preach about not "manning up" but who's not man enough to use a real user name?
Grow up. Look in the mirror and see how immature the way you're acting. You're butchering the OP's original post with your mindless rabble.
It's called a "third wheel" for a reason...
Drama Drama everywhere (sigh)
@guess - Honestly, I don't know who you think I am, but I'm pretty certain that I'm not the person who you feel the need to insult and attack. Thanks for playing, but try again.
@ToxicWishes@xanga - totally agree
its hard being a 3 musketeer
Some sort of jealousy bound to happen
Someone has to be the bigger person
& I know***cause I'm in one
Well, definitely wasn't expecting some of the drama on this comment thread.
p.s. This post doesn't seem to really belong on Datingish, no?
groups of 3 suck. i have this tendency to have 2 good friends who don't know each other. then i have this crazy idea that they will get along when they meet. so i have an event with the 3 of us, and then the 2 friends LOVE each other and end up leaving ME out! haha. you'd think i'd learn!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - It does and doesn't belong in a way. Friendships are definitely relationships too, and sometimes require just as much, if not more effort, than the romantic kind.
I didn't expect the drama either =/ Some people are just looking for a fight I suppose...
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Ah gotcha, that makes sense.
Sorry about the drama
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Meh, s'all good. I've dealt with plenty of haters throughout my life, and this one's just as ill-informed and quick to insult as others have been. I've never been assumed to be a phony site/identity (or a guy, for that matter) before though, so that was a new one hah.
@guess - ... are you Deena?
Its an uncomfortable situation to be sure but friendships do take work, like romantic relationships. I've always been friends in 3s and while someone can feel left out the tripod is the stablest structure...
I hope everything works out! Sometimes you just have to really sit down and talk things through.
@SeriouslyCheesed@xanga - I think that's what everyone else is thinking. Not that it matters much.
"Deena:" you know what? Just because a friend doesn't give you enough attention, doesn't mean they don't love you.
I'm sorry if you felt left out. Maybe try to engage in the conversation instead of staying on the side. Or let them finish then join in.
Are you mad because he called you insecure? You know, you're not alone in that. Or is it that he gets annoyed with you asking him if he likes you. It was just his opinion. That shouldn't matter much. So what if someone doesn't like you. The world isn't going to end. Ironically, the more you ask that person repeatedly, the more they will get annoyed (most likely).
PS. don't go to my profile and pretend that you know me.
Being insecure about being liked can root from childhood, especially if their parent(s) was an alcoholic or never really there for them. Therefore, they've grown up/learned to be insecure because nothing is certain to them and that very well could be all they really know.
However, there is no reason not to *work on* this trait. Just because it is currently dominant, doesn't mean it's permanent. It just takes work.
Unfortunately in groups of three, someone is bound to feel a little left out once in a while.
Yup i used to mized in a three person group but i guess two is better=D
i had those insecurities... but if people want to leave you out, they wouldn't have asked you to hang with them in the first place. if all 3 spend time 2gether more often, i'm sure there will be more common ground. it'll fall 2gether naturally.
wait 5 years and then see if theres still a problem.