This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.To set the story...four months ago, I was over my friend's house and he was talking to my 16-year-old sister online. I walked over to him and began reading the convo, thinking nothing of it as they were making random chit-chat. All of a sudden, she said something that kinda surprised me. My best friend Mike, who was also with me at my friend's house, is the guy she likes. Yet he had no clue . . . until I told him. His expression was the same as mine. He, knowing the rules of being my best friend, told me he would not date my sister and I had nothing to worry about. So, minus this little incident, we all thought nothing of it and went on with our night.
In the next few weeks, I had a few parties at my house for me and my other best friend as well as a surprise party thrown by my friends for me. I did notice that my sister had started pulling Mike aside and started doing random harmless things with him, like playing the piano and watching TV together. Knowing full well that she liked him - and he knew it as well - I threw out a warning to my other friends to keep an eye on them while he was busy taking care of things around the house. Even though she was pulling him aside from the party, I didn't really think much of it since Mike knew he couldn't date her, until she started doing it more and more often, and even went to the lengths to always be standing a foot away from him like they were attached at the hip.
After my birthday party, I pulled Mike aside and told him that she was going to try and date him.
He told me again that all he wanted was to be a friend to her, and he swears he won't date her. "You've got nothing to worry about, dude," he said to me. So I took his word for it and tried not to blow up at my sister. She can't help who she likes, right?
The day after my party, my sister started calling him and talking to him for a long periods of time before she went to sleep each night. This is when I knew something was up.
Sure enough, about a week after the party, Mike stopped by my house unexpectedly to tell me he was dating my sister. I was furious. He lied to my face multiple times about not dating her, he's 19 and she's 16 (which is stretching it, in my eyes), but at least he was man enough to tell the truth in person. I'll give him credit for that.
The bottom line is, he broke one of those bro code...he's not allowed to date a best friend's sister under any circumstances. Not only did he break that rule, he lied to my face about it, too. Is this really against the rules?
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Comments (109)
he's a good friend of yours, you know him well, know he's a good guy, etc. right?
Well why would you NOT want him dating your sister? You can trust him, and know he's going to be good to her and everything. It sounds like your pretty protective of her (which is nice, don't get me wrong), so isn't that better than having some random guy go out with her and be a terrible boyfriend for her?
It's also really good considering how mature he's being about it you should just let things go and see from there...
And yeah, the age thing is messed up, but it really depends on the two people - not just the ages.
As long as he doesn't take advantage of her, just let them be happy. It'll probably end eventually and you'll be there to help your sister or your friend (or both, for that matter) through it.
"So I took his word for it and tried not to blow up at my sister. She can't help who she likes, right?"
You can sorta say the same exact thing about him; he can't help who he likes either. However, I'm a little iffy about him being 19 dating your sister who's 16.
As long as he doesn't hurt her intentionally or make her do anything she doesn't want to do, there's nothing wrong with it.
I date older guys, I always have, so I can't really say anything about the age difference.
i think this will totally work out to your advantage. even though you may not like the idea, you can totally trust this guy since you're so close to him.Â
would you really want a stranger dating your sister? i think this way you'll know who she's with, and you can be more certain that she's being smart about doing "things". i think you were extremely mature about the situation at first though, my brother would probably beat the shit outa their friend. (my advice is to NEVER do that though, you'd ruin a friendship, and your relationship with your sister)
Let it go man!
Quite honestly, I'm not a fan of high school aged girls dating college aged boys, but if he's one of your best friends and you know he's a good guy, what's the real problem? Are you more upset that he's dating your sister or that he lied to you about dating your sister?
I think you should get over it. Sometimes friends date friends' siblings; attraction can develop when people are constantly in close proximity. As long as he's not taking advantage of her there isn't really a problem (other than the age case, but maybe your sister is fairly mature for her age and your friend is slightly immature). I highly doubt their relationship is going to last forever...besides aren't you going to feel stupid when you lose a good friend over your sister?
besides that I never heard of the Bro code till I watched friends on tv one night WHATEVER!
@randomorganizedchaos@xanga - I mostly agree, besides the age part.
Three years apart isn't really that much. My boyfriend and I are three years apart.
Seriously, I never heard of this bro code before. But, if you are his best friend, it means he's a good guy. And so, you know how he is so I don't understand why you would be mad at him. And besides, he didn't lie to you. Feelings change over time and it wasn't like he was dating her behind your back the whole. Learn to loosen up. Let them be together and stop whining about it.
i personally think it's kind of a silly rule. Since Mike is your best friend, that should mean that he's a good guy. Would you rather your sister date some bum off the street or someone you are close with and you know will take good care of her?
The only problem in this situation is that if they should break up sometime in the future, things might be awkward if he was to come over your house while your sister was home.
He was probably just scared to tell you about dating her, so don't get too mad at him about lying. At least he had the guts to tell you upfront about it eventually.
@laytexduckie@xanga - you've NEVER heard of this? oh my god..lol girls are getting to your head =P
Seriously, it is a little strange for your homie to be dating your little sister..especially if you see the age difference..but seriously, come on! Look around..Every teenage girl is dating a guy within 2-6 years older than them now a days! It's true. You look around or ask around. I don't think it's harmful..but I think it might get to you so much you might end the friendship you have with ur homie. This is awkward for you, ain'ttt it? Just chill out. Your "little" sister isn't little anymore.
I would have told you to chill out, but 16 and 19 is too big of a difference.
the bro code was uncool ages ago.
they like each other and they're happy. what's to be pissed about? it's not your relationship.
i don't see how there's anything wrong with it, as long as he treats your sister with respect and makes sure to do the right thing all the time. people can't help who they fall for, and frankly i have never heard of the "bro code" -- must be something that was invented by high schoolers after Y2K.
personally, a couple years ago (when i was 22), i had a crush on one of my best friends' older sister and while it was somewhat awkward to bring up the topic at first, i felt like it was best to be honest about it. i also gave them every reassurance that i'd take care of her -- obviously part of it was because i wanted to make a good impression on the girl, but the other part of it was that i didn't want to mess things up with her and then have my friend be pissed at me about it. at the end of the day, i felt that being honest and upfront was the best way to handle it -- she and i went out on a few dates and it was a lot of fun, but she and i ended up just being friends instead. i'm still friends with both my friend and his older sister, and things never got awkward among any of us.
frankly, it seems like you're most pissed about your friend "supposedly lying to you, but he may have done so because he was concerned you'd be upset at him, or maybe they started dating after the "last time" you inquired about the status of their relationship. i understand how you feel, but to be honest the best thing to do is just to express your concerns to your friend and i think that if he's really your friend, he'll be a gentleman to your sister and hopefully you'll have nothing to worry about.
I don't really see what's wrong with your best friend, Mike, dating your sister. Yes, they do have an age gap but nobody minds about it now. I'm dating a 20 year old guy and i'm only 16. I'm sure you wouldn't want your sister to be dating some unknown person that you don't know. Sometimes, having your best friend date your younger sister isn't a bad thing, at least you can keep an eye on those two and know what they're doing since you and Mike are close friends, right?
i think you're overreacting. the only problem there is that it's illegal, but that's not really your problem. as a girl, i'd have to say that's a pretty dumb rule.
I honestly don't see the problem with it.. yeah he lied to you about it and that was wrong..but isn't it better for him to be dating her then some random guy you don't know..i mean put yourself in their positsion..you said it yourself you can't help who you like...
If he's a really good friend, why can't you trust him with your sister? I'm sure he'll treat her well.
i seriously don't get the bro code thing. i mean i get the part when boys won't date best friends' ex-es. i think dating best friends' siblings should be fine as long as your best friends treat them well. and the age difference isn't that bad especially you have known him long enough to be a good guy around; and with him manning enough to tell you about the truth, i think that is very respectful. wouldn't you prefer your little sis dating someone you know than someone you have no idea where he comes from? i guess you are most upset about being afraid that you guys' friendship might be ended with your little sis and his relationship eh? take it easy man
I think he is a good friend for telling u the truth, if u like someone its hard, u cant stop them.
Bro code does not forbid the dating of a sister. Bro code forbids dating of a sister without asking permission first. And since he came to talk to you about it, it seems like he's following bro code well enough. Cut him some slack. Would you rather have your sister dating some random asshole you don't know, or your friend, whom you know and trust?
The whole 19 vs 16 thing is a little disturbing, but other than that, unless you have some problem with Mike or a reason that you don't think he is going to be an appropriate boyfriend for your sister, you really have no reason to worry.
And he didn't really lie to you. He might have just started dating her after that party, ya never know,.
The only problem I see is that if he breaks her heart or she breaks his, they basically can't be around each other anymore and that's some fucked up drama shit right there that belongs in The Hills.