This is a guest blog submitted by morgs0782.I don't think I've ever been in such a complicated situation in my entire life. I'm 17; how hard could life get, right? Wrong. I've been dating this guy exclusively since August of this year, and I could NOT be happier. He's absolutely amazing, and for the first time, I feel like I've met a guy who gets me and wants to be with me for me. He takes care of me in any way possible, and I feel so well off with him.
But the Monday before Thanksgiving, we got the news that I was expecting at the end of July.
This is news to any young couple . . . we cried plenty of tears and had to talk about some tough decisions we'll have to make, but we cannot make up our minds. We've been flooded with many congratulations from our families (and many not-so-happy comments, too...) but either way, we know it's our decision and we're going to have to decide what's best for us.
But what is best for us? We both work at Bob Evans, and although we make good money for people our age, I don't want to be stuck in low income housing because we made the wrong decision. But I don't want to regret not giving my baby a chance.
If only I had some sort of sign telling us what to do...
I recently sat beside one of my best friends and held her hand as she went through her abortion; can I do it myself? Can I deal with the changes my body will undergo in the next nine months? I guess it's just something that we're gonna have to work on together . . . help!
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Comments (193)
Hmmm, no one can tell you what the right thing to do is. You have to decide that for yourself. It sounds like ya'll can talk to your families, so I suggest you start there.....
Good Luck!
before I met my current SO I had always told myself if an accident happened the abortion would be my only logical option and I'd just have to cope. Then I got involved in a serious really great relationship with a guy who I'm crazy about (we're now engaged), and I didn't think that I would be able to bring myself to have an abortion with a child that I had created with him, how could I live with myself, ho could I look him in the eye? I discussed it with him, no accident happened just a prep talk for if the "shit hit the fan" so to speak. He put it in an excellent perspective for me. He told me the decision of course would ultimately be mine and he would support it, but that having a baby at this stage in our relationship, in this stage of our lives in general would not only be detrimental to our finances and our families, but also to us. It would add a sort of stress that isn't helpful to a budding relationship, and as important as we are to each other, and as you and your SO seem to be with each other, it would only hurt what good thing you have with this man on top of all of the other stresses. I don't know if this helped but, well, good luck.
If both of your families have been supportive, why would you be stuck in low income housing? Unless they want you two to get married and move the hell out because you got pregnant and they're covering it up by being happy! Those sneaky little bastards...
Good luck with whatever your decision is, though.
I am glad that both you and your boyfriend will be making this decision. Personally I am against abortion but this is your future. If you feel that you are not in a position to provide your child with the life and opportunities you want for him/her, then think about that option. Ask your friend about why she made the decision and how she feels about it afterward. Also think about your family, will they help you support the child while you try to make a future for yourself? If they are supportive, then you can definitely try to make things work. My friend is simultaneously going to an elite college and taking care of her child. It is hard but not impossible. Best of luck with everything.
dun kill the baby!!!!
If you're against abortion or not sure you could handle it, I strongly suggest adoption. You're young and you don't know how much you'll change in the next few years or how much this guy will change. You haven't even been together with him for that long. Like you said, you're likely to be low income if you keep the baby, and it will affect your future. What about college or starting a career? You'll miss out on so many opportunities if you keep the child, and it's unfair to put the child in a situation like that, too. If it were me, I would either put the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. But, like others mentioned, it's totally your decision, and, not that it matters, but I'll respect whatever choice you make.
@nauticaloblivion@xanga - I agree with this. Important life decisions really affect any relationship and can bring them to an end. And you don't want something like that when you have the obligation of giving a kid a proper family.
you are 17... Probably haven't even graduated highschool.... What kind of life can you provide for this child... What can't of life can you live being a parent at 17.... If i was in that situation i'd think abortion or adoption because i don't want to raise a child w/o any financial stability myself...Thats like giving your unborn child another obstacle to overcome
i know a lot of people who have gone through what you're going through now and made it through life. you can too! supports from your bf and both sides of the families,and i think u can go through this pregnancy without an abortion.
MAN....................i hate it when this happens to young people =(
there's so many options..are you able to afford this child? if your family gives you a congrats (WHICH RARELY ANYONE DOES) then..it sounds as if you're pretty well off.. then i say, keep it..if not.. do what you gotta do..
abortion is bad.
adoption is also bad.
giving birth is just as bad.
dont kill the baby for your own mistake!
ack. this is tough. man. But just remember an abortion is forever... It's not the child's fault (I was 'unplanned', too, btw). You and your boyfriend (who sounds awesome) are mature enough to realize that it's not about you anymore... Can you live with the thought you killed your own child just because it was more convinient for you? Not trying to be mean, but you have to think this through, because once it's done, you can't undo it. <3
There are so many couples who really really long for a child and would give your baby a good home, too.
(((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))
Wow. I'm so sorry. And impressed, that one of the first things you thought of was giving your baby a chance. I hope you do. I'm sure plenty of people will try to convince you not to have an abortion, so I won't add to that other than to say make sure that you know exactly what it is and what it does.
So assuming you are going to give your baby a chance, don't think that you'll be trapped forever in poverty. Of course it's not simple, but life is always throwing you curve balls. Just recently I thought I had my life all planned out, and then I didn't get the job I wanted so it's back to square one for me. I'm being alot more realistic now about what I'm going to do if I don't get into the colleges I want, or the financial aid that I need. But even if life doesn't go exactly how you planned it, I think the sort of person you are and what you do determines more of your destiny than the situations you're stuck with. I hope you have some supportive family and friends, and there's always adoption if you think you can't handle raising a child. But more importantly, wether you're pregnant or not, no matter what sort of situation you're in, do you see yourself as a victim of your circumstances, or as someone who (even though it sounds cliché) is strong enough to become who you want to be in spite of them?
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. It's something I've been thinking about alot recently, but I don't yet know how to express it very well. And if you need help, feel free to message me.
I don't personally support abortion, but that's not a decision I or anyone else can make for you (including the government, but I think that's another story for another day). I, think, at 17, it would be incredibly difficult to be with child and then to raise him/her. However, I, secondhandedly (these are more friends of my roommate's than mine) know several people who had children at 16, 17, 18 and are doing okay. They're not perfect, but they're doing okay. The ones who are doing the best have support from their families who can help them with the kid so that you can still go to school (probably community college, though, there was an 18 year old in my chemistry class last year who had a 2 year old -- and I'm not at community college). Again, I think it's definitely your decision. Adoption is also always an option. As busibeth said, there are lots of families out there who can't have children that would love to!
you honestly can't ask random people to make this decision for you! lol....nobody can tell you both what to do. just sit down and look at all your options and list pros and cons of each one...thats honestly the only advice a stranger like me can offer....as long as you're happy with what u decide later then who are we to judge you?
well you LOVE this boy right? why kill something that you both created? maybe its best to give the baby up for adoption.
watch juno.
no one can tell you what to do.
ps i have known girls who had up to two babies during high school and still graduted. you just need your family support and please, get on bith control, warp it up and/or get that one thing put inside of you, to prevent you from getting pregnant up to five years.
xo
i believe you can still succeed and finish at leats 2 year of college and make a living off that.
and abortion, everyone deserves a chance at life, don't take away your little one's. its not fair.
You can only follow your heart. Personally, at 17, I think you're setting yourself up for some major trouble later on. No, I don't mean drama. I mean real danger, because it's no longer just about you. You'll have a baby to always be thinking about.
I don't want to steer you towards abortion, but at 17, what kind of life do you really think you can offer a child? I'm not trying to insult you, I don't even know you. I'm just trying to show things as it is. A teenage mother is not something to take lightly...
Whatever your decision, I hope you have loving support, somewhere. You'll need it, regardless of what you choose. Good luck.
A friend of mine gave birth at 17, but she didn't have the luck of still being in a relationship with her partner at the time (although he's still a supportive father even though she's with someone else). She was scared about it all (hell, who wouldn't be?) but she decided to keep the baby and see it through. her parents supported her, as did all her friends, so she was very lucky to have the support network behind her to help her with whichever decision she wanted to make. She's very happy now, and he's lovely.
I also have another friend who gave birth at 16/17 and gave up her daughter for adoption. As far as I know they're all happy, and she's been busy trying to pursue success as a stage actress. She gets to see her daughter quite a bit, and the family she's with is really nice, and I think she's happy with where she is. But it depends if you could cope with knowing you have a child in the world and you're not the one looking after him/her. I don't know if I could. But then I've not been faced with this situation, so...
It does change your life, there's no question about it. It may change your plans for the future, or it may not, but it will at the least delay everything you had planned. It depends where you want to take your life. If you feel ready to take that step and have a child, then go for it, and I wish you all the best of luck. But if you decide it's not right yet, then that's fine too, and I wouldn't judge you for that. I don't think anyone can tell you to make a decision either way; it has to be your choice. I'm 23, and I know I'm not even nearly ready for children yet ^_^;
if your family is supportive (which they seem to be!) then keep it
but then again adoption is always a good choice because you will be helping a couple who cannot have their own children
@JessxMaxine@xanga - love the Junsters! yay jennifer garner
you were "grown up" enough to have sex,
so be "grown up" enough to deal with the consequences.
Don't get rid of your baby. Plenty of 17 year olds have had children and been able to take care of them and love them and nurture them. It doesn't matter if you have a great house or no debt or everything in line...if you love and nurture your baby he or she will grow up happy and healthy. I never grew up in a great place but my parents were so loving - so none of that mattered. Hopefully you and your boyfriend can make it through because it won't be all sunshine and butterflies because you're not as prepared but try really hard. However, if it doesn't work out...you can still love your baby just the same.
I vote keep your baby. :)
Good luck with everything.
@Kikkyo@xanga - What the hell point was there in saying that? All you just said was "don't kill it, but you're fucked no matter what".
Do whatever you can live with.
I, nor anyone else here, can tell you what to do with your life.
I know plenty of parents that would be happy to raise grandchildren. If you decide to keep the baby (and I hope you do), talk to them about maybe caring for it for you.
If you're 17, and he's around the same age, there's no reason why the two of you would *have* to move out of your parents' respective houses.
Best of luck. My heart is with you.