Often I think about what makes us human. Humans are the only animals that laugh, right? Alas, there is the hyena. Are humans are the only animals that engage in intercourse for pleasure? There's the dolphin... Humans are the only animals with a soul. Perhaps, but I can't help but think that something akin to a soul exists in most golden retrievers.
Humans are the only animals that date.
There we go. Do you ever see a pigeon flying up to another pigeon saying, "I'll meet you at Central Park at noon?" or "I really like how your feathers look today?" or "I think we should see other pigeons?" No.
So, being that humans are the only animals that (so one would hope) go through a dating ritual before they go through a mating ritual, why is it that nobody dates anymore?
I've had about every kind of "date" in college, but never a real date.
The closest thing I had to a date was having my professor pay for my coffee, but I was so sleep-deprived and delirious, I didn't even notice. I had a bunch of "hanging out" dates. Note to boys: hanging out is not a date.
I've been on endless walks, lunches (note to boys: lunch = friendship; dinner = romance), gambols, whatever you can imagine, but is it so hard to ask me out on a real date? College makes everything a million times more casual, and I like that. But I miss the whole, "Pick you up at 8" thing.
Does anyone go on real dates anymore? Do you feel dating is too undefined and casual, and wish it was a little more clear-cut?
Recommend
Comments (54)
I would much rather prefer the loveless relationshipless careless fucking that the animal world enjoys. Damn you soul. Damn you.
sure, i go on plenty.
"Do you feel dating is too undefined and casual, and wish it was a little more clear-cut?"
nope, this way allows for more awkwardness later down the line when no one's sure what's going on.
btw i find it hard to believe that you can "miss" the pick-you-up-at-8 thing if you never experienced it, lol (unless you did it pre-college i suppose). but the environmentalist in me likes it better that i don't have to do that. <3 not having a car.
my viewpoints clearly reflect my love of being a student, if it's not already obvious.
Oh, wow. This has been my issue for the past few months.
I have never, EVER been on a REAL date. I've had boyfriends, but they were always friends to start with and we never actually went on a date with the purpose of getting to know one another.
This is crazy how this issue is so very prevalent in my life right now, and here it is, first in line on my subscriptions page.
I recently had a guy message me on facebook and ask me out. I was very, VERY flattered, and b/c I knew he was a good guy, I said yes. We talked that night, and all was good, he just knew that I had to get through my "hell week" of finals.
Well, he asked if it was okay if he called again. This was Saturday evening. He hasn't called since. I called him once to get a reprieve from paper writing. We spoke briefly. He usually messages me every day, or so, just to tell me to have a good day-but this is a new thing, not something he always did. That started around Sunday. I just don't know anymore. I feel like I've screwed it up before I even went out to dinner with the guy. I'm a good reader of people, and for some reason, I feel like he's lost interest. But, would that be the case if he still randomly messages me to ask if I've had a good day?
I defeat myself. I SO long to go on a date, but even when this guy messaged me, I thought someone had hacked his account and was playing a cruel joke on me. Then he called and I began to feel a little bit more chill. I don't want to express my insecurities to this guy, but I do want to know if he's still interested in going on a date. What do I do?
I just want to go on a DATE. A real date. I have never done it, and I think it would be awesome, even if the guy and I just ended up being friends.
Dating is something that means a lot to girls-at least it does to me. It would mean the world to me if I could go out on a date.
I like that dates in college are more casual. Before they seemed slightly awkward, like no one really knew what to do. So 'hanging out', 'dating', it's all the same. I don't stress over what kind of outing it is. As long as we're both having fun, that's all that matters. :]
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - So true. Viva la awkwardness!
You want a date? You tell them it's a date. Boys think they can get away with anything! So you make them come pick you up dressed nice and take you to a nice dinner. And make sure to tell them to bring flowers too :)
"I think we should see other pigeons."
YES!! I like traditional dates where the boy asks you to have a fun night out. I don't mind a hangout which turns into a date-like scenario. But if the guy is interested in me, I expect him to ask me out appropriately or else it will not go anywhere. I would ask a guy to hangout and show that I am interested. If he does not respond by asking me out promptly, I let it go. I would not ask a guy on a date though because I am pretty conservative.
I like to take women out on fancy dinner dates. It's a lot of fun for both of us. Sadly, it's not something I get to do often. That sort of thing tends to get costly.
I'd prefer they were more casual
sometimes i wish dating was the way it use to be. i guess sex kinda ruings it, cause it's all people seem to care about when dating someone. i had lunch dates, because i didn't really go out at night. however when i got with my current boyfriend, and we dated, he would take me out all the time. i think dating is a way to get to know each other no matter where. however on occasions..my boyfriend would take me out to dinner..just like dating..feels nice.
casual is good when you are getting to know someone.
i think romantic dates should come afterwards... b/c if you start off with a romantic date, you kind of push the romance, when it may not even be there.
my boyfriend and i go on dates every few weeks or so, romantic ones and causual ones.
but we mostly stay in, and relax/hangout together.
@Moktral@xanga - Here here!
@ecafrusehtrednu@xanga - I should use that line.
@Annalyn04@xanga - maybe he's giving you breathing room cause you said it's hell week? i'd recommend following up when finals are over with something like "hey finals are over, so i'm ready for our date whenever you are =) " but whatever you do, don't come across as needy. and if he's decided that he doesn't want to do it anymore, then yeah that sucks. rejection is a part of life...and i'd like to believe it's a lot harder for guys than it is for girls.
try not to think about the whole situation too much though =)
I guess by "real date" you mean formal dinner, nice clothes, etc etc. If that's the case, then yes, I've been on "real dates" - with people I've first been on casual dates! And with ex-partners.
Casual dates are great because of the very qualities you lament - they're informal! They put both parties at ease. A "real date" usually occurs I think if you want to lay down the time AND the money to make it happen, which usually happens once you've been seeing that person a lot more.
Sometimes, also, if you've been seeing someone long enough, communication should kick in and it's time to share fantasies - about your perfect date :) Just to give the other person ideas on how to court you!
I've experienced both-
if you don't want to hang out and progress casually, stop agreeing to hang out, it's pretty simple.
If he doesn't want you badly enough to ask you out the way YOU want to be asked out, wait for someone else whose interested in playing that game instead.
I've done both, and, personally, I prefer knowing that I like someone before I spend an entire evening with them. And I'm not talking, 'Oh, he's good looking, I have a crush.'
I've been working for the last two years of my life and doing schooling too-
I've had enough job interviews, I don't need to go on dates with strangers to supplement those too.
Do you ever see a pigeon flying up to another pigeon saying, "I'll meet
you at Central Park at noon?" or "I really like how your feathers look
today?" or "I think we should see other pigeons?" No.
I love how you said that. lols it's so funny. XD I think I've been on a real date...but sometimes it's hard to tell.
I like being old-fashioned. So, I take my fiancee out on as many "dates" as I can. Some of them are just casual, spur-of-the-moment things, others are the lets-get-dressed-up-and-go-out-for-dinner type of dates. Sometimes the word "date" is not used, at other times it is. It just depends. We've made a vow that we'll try and do this type of thing at least once a week when we can so we know we'll have 'each other" time.
Sickening, I know. XP
To the OP: If you want to be taken out on a real "date", why not YOU ask. Gender roles are all being messed up these days anyway... take control and TELL the boy that you want to be picked up at 8pm sharp, and that he'll be taking you to this restaurant, reservations in his name for 8:30pm. He'll enjoy it, and he'll know that if he wants to impress you and keep you, that's a good way to do it...
Ugh, I totally agree with this. Dating barely exists in my neck of the woods. I never know what guys mean when they say that want to hang out unless I ask them during the time we're together.
Uhh...Yeah? I go on "real" dates to impress girls that I've hung out with...It's a natural progression...If you can't hangout with me, then why the fuck would I formally date you? Are you here for a free dinner? In that case, fuck off...
Date = I've taken time out of my busy schedule to make time to spend with you, be it for lunch, coffee, dinner, a movie, show, concert, or anything else that I would do with you that I could easily have chosen someone else to come with me...
I go on real dates often...They're not as fun as hanging out...Dates have a lot of pressure behind them...Hanging out is a good way to
get to know someone and have a good time at the same time...
Dates can be stuffy...Girls feel like they're about to go through a relationship interview...I'd rather see girls in their natural habitat, one where they feel most comfortable and where they spend most of their time...You like hanging out at bars? The gym? Borders? Salsa Club? Where do you spend your time when you're not at home? Are you boring at home?
When I've asked girls just to hangout, it's because I want to gauge where they stand...If there is a romantic interest and they turn down hanging out, they probably wouldn't want to date me...
If they want to hang out, but don't want to date, at least I know where I stand...I don't keep many girl friends, but the ones I do keep are fun to hangout with...Some guys aren't looking to date...They're looking to just hangout...
You probably don't have too many "real" guy friends...I'm sure you've heard my rules on "real" guy friends...
All animals have a dating ritual, but it's usually in the form of a some kind of dance, call, or display...All those are exhibited in your so called date...
I vote that Miss Seal gets clubbed...
My guess are that 'real dates' happen more after college and university - while during college/university its just more practical?
-A^2
Yes, "formal" dates do exist!
I went on some of the most amazing dates with this guy when I was in college, but I was at a school up north and he was in southern California, so maybe that played into it.
The dates consisted of the whole "I'll pick you up at 8" deal, him opening the car door for me, giving me his jacket when it was cold, nice dinners where we'd always be the last ones to leave the restaurant, then talking for hours at the most random places into the early morning, like on a rooftop of a hotel in downtown LA where we had to climb the fire ladder to get up there. And surprisingly, we would always JUST talk.
He was genuine and wasn't trying to make anything physical (we didn't even kiss!). Even though things didn't work out, I still always had a great time with him and regard these dates as some of the best ones I've ever been on.
@youngvan - I don't agree with the whole telling the guy to get you flowers deal. You might as well buy your own in that case. The guy I talked about above -- on our first date, he busted out 6 java monster drinks from his trunk for me to take back to Berkeley because he knew it was my favorite drink... On another date he bought me more java monsters and packs of Lunchables pizza because I had been talking about it and was craving it one time but couldn't find it up north. These gifts were so much better than flowers because it showed me he really cared and listened. It meant so much more because he did all this on his own... without me ever telling him to or even hinting at it. I wasn't expecting anything at all, so when he did stuff like that, I was SO surprised and happy.
I do have a very long-term boyfriend. We've had our ups and downs (obviously when I was dating this other guy, it was one of our downs and now we're doing better than I could have ever imagined) and while most of our dates consist of going to Disneyland since we have annual passes, we do still have our formal ones, which are always fun and romantic. :]
It's not just college guys, but "grown-up" guys too have forgotten what a date is and lost the art of "woo". *sighs* Dating...a sad casualty of of our relaxed culture.