This is a guest blog submitted by once_x2.Somewhere in the depths of my mind, I'm quietly wishing I had a boyfriend. I don't think about it the majority of the time, but once in a while it just pops up and the words "I wish I had a boyfriend!" run through my mind.
Recently, it's been a little crazier than usual because someone I know (and NEVER expected) got with someone. Ha ha ha.
I'm really happy for the pair. I used to make fun of them all the time and wondered why they weren't already together. Destiny finally caught up with them! And though I get a weird, bubbly feeling whenever I see them hug or something, I also get a small, strange feeling of sadness and jealousy.
Why can't I find a boyfriend? I would think, and
if I ever got a boyfriend, would I ever be happy like them?For a pretty long time, the following has always been my reasoning as to why I'm still single:
1. I'm not pretty enough. Example: I don't have ANY of the female physical features that most guys look for.
2. I'm too manly. Example: Guys treat me as a brother and my voice is low.
3. I give off bad vibes. Example: Someone told me once that I always look angry.
4. I'm too picky/shallow.Example: I've rejected a really nice guy (more than once, too) because I think he's ugly.
And, finally, this one I just figured out today:
5. I don't have time for a boyfriend.Example: I'm always doing homework. I refuse to go out during the weekend if I haven't finished my homework, and I usually finish on Sunday night. I refuse to go out during school days because I want as much time as possible to do homework, and if I'm free, I want to sleep early.
And after thinking about wanting a boyfriend for a while, I usually end up concluding that I don't want one anymore. Why waste time trying to keep someone happy? Why have someone hovering around you all the time? Sure, being in love feels awesome, but it almost always goes away (and if it doesn't, then it will just be hella crappy when you break up). Am I cynical or realistic?
Also, I'm only 16. People are dating like fiends at this age, but to me, I think 16 is too young to be fooling around with people's hearts (and your own). One bad mistake could cause stress for days, a fight could keep you awake at night, and a breakup can screw up your tear ducts and - yes, I'm a nerd - mess up your performance in class (read: GRADES).
However, if I DID have a boyfriend right now and I was in my obsessed stage (the first 1-3 months of the relationship), I'm sure I'd be very happy. I'd also figure that he would dump me in a month. See the following example relationship:
Him: Hey Michelle, let's go watch a movie on Saturday.
Me: Sorry, I'm gonna be doing my physics homework.
Him: Okay, that's all right.
---
Him: Hey Michelle, the dance is this Friday. Let's go!
Me: Sorry, I have an essay to write.
Him: Oh, okay.
--
Him: Hey, stay with me a while after school today.
Me: No, I have a lot of homework tonight.
Him: Fine.
--
Him: (calls, sounds distressed) Michelle, my dog died today.
Me: I'm sorry. He was a good dog.
Him: Yeah... I feel so... I don't know.
Me: Go take a nap, okay? I have to get going with my math homework.
Him: ....
Me: *hangs up*
--
Him: Guess what today is?
Me: I don't know.
Him: ....It's our one month anniversary.
Me: Oh.
--
Him: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
Me: What?
Him: The only time we see each other is at school! You never have time for me!
Me: ...I know.
Him: WTF is your problem? It's over!
Me: Fine. I'll just go do my homework now.
That's it.
I don't need a boyfriend! I'm happy as I am. (See, my mood fluctuates VERY often.)
So, w hen is the right age or time for someone to date? If you're single right now, why do you think you are?
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Comments (115)
Hahahaha you have such a a funny imagination. Maybe you'll find a boyfriend who loves homework as much as you do and you guys can do homework together. Hehe :)
lawl hilarous! the best time to date is whenever you think your ready. When you feel like you can set time aside for that person and actually take the time to acknowledge their feelings. Good Luck!
Hm. I think I'm single because I overanalyze things too much and don't just let things happen as they should. I don't shamelessly flirt with every guy I see. Heck, I don't flirt much at all unless I think I'd have a shot or someone's interested in me. I'm usually very quiet when I first meet people and it's hard for me to open up, especially with guys. And let's face it, most guys don't find me attractive, that I know of. Guys don't just come up and talk to me everyday or even look at me for that matter. And the guys where I think we could have something, just want to be friends. Story of my life... Hmph.
I get what you mean though about wanting a boyfriend and are secretly sad and jealous when your friends have one. All 3 of my best friends have one and I don't. I've been struggling with guys and trying to find a boyfriend for the past year and nothing ever seems to work. It's frustrating actually. But the way I figure, I've been happy all of my life and I haven't had a boyfriend in the picture to create that happiness so I don't necessarily need one. :)
This probably made no sense and in retrospect has nothing to do with your post. Haha. But I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone.
Having a boyfriend isn't everything. The right tumbleweed will roll on through soon, but you shouldn't sit around waiting for it to come around. :]
I wish I knew the answer as to why I was single.
I ask myself that every day since my last boyfriend and I broke up.I want a new one really bad and think about it constantly.I think I'm fun and nice and a lot of other things, but no one that's really interested in me actually seems interesting to me.I live in a huge college town, but I haven't seen a single person here that even attracts me to them in the slightest way.haha, wow.
Honey, life is not all about grades. I did not spend all my time doing homework and I still got in the college of my choice (and, yes, it's a pretty good college -- not Ivy League, but definitely a top school). I'm well-on my way to Medical School.
Sometimes, you need to just live life! Do you really have that much homework anyway? I'm sure some of this is a little exaggerated on your part, but who knows.
Also, you've described a High School Relationship pretty well. It's all fine and dandy for the first 3 months, then things can start to get ugly. My grades suffered, slightly, but not much, when I had a boyfriend at 16. Though, all-in-all, they ended up getting better because he pushed me to do better in school (not that I wasn't already doing well, but BETTER!) [We dated from the end of my sophomore year to the end of my senior year]. I think dating at 16 is perfectly fine if you can handle a lot at once. It can be tough, or it can just be fun. I defnitely had a lot of fun and a fair share of problems at the same time. *Shrugs* I wouldn't spend a ton of time really worrying about it.
I kind of think it's a better idea to wait 'til college to date anyway, but I didn't, so, I can't really be the judge.
you concentrate on those studies! ^^ Then when you are rich and successfull you can meet the right guy!
homework is your boyfriend
i have a similar situation as you, i'm 16, single and i get a lot of homework but i do have spare time on weekends ~ (i can't over-do homework, i'd go crazy)
- I don't think i'm ugly, i think i'm average
- i'm not manly at all, although i tend to be a deep thinker
- i don't think i give off a bad vibe ~ at least i hope not >.< - i've done the same thing...i have rejected amazin guys who aren't exactly the best looking, partly because i don't find them attractive but ALSO because i don't seem to have feelings for them? no need to play a guy
- same position, homework takes up most of my time, and if i have any spare, it's either spent with friends, sleeping or lazing around the house...
being 16 with important mocks and exams this year - it'd be unfair on my boyfriend if i got one, but personally, i want one...not because everyone started dating years before me (with the exception of my friends...), but because i feel having a boyfriend would make me happier and help me loosen up and stress less - although, as you said...if something went wrong, i'd have a mental breakdown.
So, to be honest, i think i'm single still cause i have too many doubts - i don't want to be left in a mess if it goes wrong ~ but given the opportunity of one i really like, i wouldn't say no :)
The conversation was funny...I can imagine his facial expressions as he escalated from "that's okay" to "I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE."
I'm single because I'm fat and ugly and won't date someone else who is fat and ugly. (Like tend to go with like. Y'know what I mean?)
Dating at 16 is usually for practice, anyway. Don't worry too much about it. You're still young.
You are only 16. I felt the exact same way when I was your age. I was the most socially awkward person, and I hadn't developed yet at that age. (I was a late bloomer.) Things will get better. As you get older, you will feel more comfortable with yourself. Don't rush things. I didn't have my first boyfriend til I was in college, and I don't regret any of it. I'm not saying you should wait til college. But, you should not get into a relationship just for the sake of being in one.
sounds like you've answered your own "why can't i get a guy" question. you don't really want one. or if you really do, it's just not high on your list of priorities.
about bad vibes...i used to be the same way, i never really smiled a whole lot--it wasn't because i wasn't happy, i just didn't really think about it much. so i made a conscious effort to smile more (which made my ma happier), but it also got people to quit wondering if i had issues. now they think i have issues for entirely different reasons hahaha :D
Sounds like you're a busy gal...
All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl, however.
"However, if I DID have a boyfriend right now and I was in my obsessed stage (the first 1-3 months of the relationship)"
I believe there should be no "obsession stage." It's ridiculous and I don't think someone should wrap themselves so tightly around someone else that they obsess over them. My used-to-be best friend is still obsessing over her now-fiance, and it annoys the bejeezus out of me. I mean, other things aside.. That's just one of the reasons I don't talk to her anymore.
At 16, dating really isn't necessary. (Not that I actually think it's necessary at all... but to the rest of the world..) If you find a guy who really understands what you're about, as in your school work etc., you would probably get along great. You could get together to do your homework for chrissake. But you may or may not find that kind of guy in high school... and when the work slows down, maybe you'll be interested in a less studious guy.
All of your reasons are the same as mine, to a T. Although I don't spend ALL my time doing homework, but I have homework/"me" time at the end of every day that cannot be violated for the sake of my sanity.
And like you said, at the end of the day, I don't really care all that much about not having a boyfriend. It would just be so much work, juggling my needs with his and trying to find a balance that I deeply actually find unnecessary.. My life is about me. I guess I'm just selfish, but whatever. I prefer to think of it as "goal-oriented."
I have a few criticisms-
1. I'm not pretty enough. Example: I don't have ANY of the female physical features that most guys look for.
----------
You mean you're not blonde and small waisted with perfect C cups and a 25 inch waist?
Neither am I!
I'm short, overweight, have thick thighs, funny hair and awkwardly big boobs that make me look fat if I don't have an extra support bra because I have an insanely short torso.
Despite this, I still get asked out fairly frequently (confidence is key!). And by some pretty cute guys too.
Cheer up, beauty's in the eye of the beholder. (example - I actually don't think Megan Fox is that attractive)
=p
2. I'm too manly.
So am I!
I don't have a deep manly voice but in the way I act, my attitude, and also the fact that I do make very vulgar sexual comments from time to time. Yargh.
3. I give off bad vibes.
Example: Someone told me once that I always look angry.
-----
My mom always asks me why I don't smile more.
My profile picture is what my face looks like 50% of the time.
4. I'm too picky/shallow.
Example: I've rejected a really nice guy (more than once, too) because I think he's ugly.
--------
Believe it or not, that's not bad. I've heard much worse.
5. I don't have time for a boyfriend.
Example:
I'm always doing homework. I refuse to go out during the weekend if I
haven't finished my homework, and I usually finish on Sunday night. I
refuse to go out during school days because I want as much time as
possible to do homework
------------------------
...I know I only graduated high school about 2 years ago but have
things really changed THAT much homework wise in the time between then
and college?
On the bright side you'll know how to handle a full courseload but even then I hope you don't miss out on life. I really hope you have a hobby you like that's NOT homework related.
Honestly, I'd say the only thing you're in danger of at this point in your life is developing a dull personality.
Dating at 16 isn't really amazing. I started when I was 18 (mainly because no one liked me until then) but I'm glad I waited until I was closer to adulthood beause when I was more mature.
The right time to date is whenever you feel ready. There isn't really a certain age.
You'll always heard the stories of the couples that met when they were 12, and have been dating since they were 15 - or something ridiculous like that, but for the rest of the world that doesn't live in a fairy tale, 16 is too young. As other have said, dating at 16 isn't real. People are friends, and they figure they will give it a shot.
I didn't really worry about having a boyfriend at 16, Similar to you, I had a lot of school work and other activities. By the end of the day all I wanted to do was relax - I didn't want to have to worry about making time for a guy. I do truely believe that when the righe person comes along, it works. All those other things that we worry about - time, looks - it doesn't matter. The right person will accept you for who you are.
"Every women has the exact love life she wants" (The Wedding Date) even if she doesn't know it. Right now you have exactly what you want and what you need, when the time comes, you'll know.
I don't think there's a "right age." You start dating when you are ready (as in, you know who you are outside of the relationship, you don't have any major unresolved issues, and you are comfortable telling the person what you want rather than pretending you want one thing rather than pretending you want one thing just because you think it's what the other person wants) and you meet the right person who is also ready. Some people can do that at 16, some are 26 and still don't have the hang of it. Nothing "wrong" with either.
I'm still single because I am in love with one of my best friends, he doesn't feel that way about me, and I can't really imagine being with anyone else right now.
That, and I have a medical condition and I don't think most guys would want to deal with that.
Just a couple words of advice: Live a little while you're still young. Life's not all about homework or grades, and the more pressure you put on yourself to ACHIEVE ACHIEVE ACHIEVE, the more likely you are to experience burn out at a younger age. No one really cares about your GPA after high school/college anyway, just like how many people don't care about your popularity status, how many extracurricular activities you participated in, and the like.
That said, you sound like a perfectly competent young woman that recognizes she doesn't need a boyfriend. If you're happy concentrating on chasing the elusive A+ rather than the cute guy across the room, there's no shame in that. Be happy with who and what you are and the right person will come along.
when you find the right person, someone you're genuinely interested, trust me, no matter how nerdy you are, you'll put aside the homework and make time for this guy. if a guy you're with can't even take your mind off homework, then you're not really into him. but that's why you shouldn't really worry about finding someone, just wait until a good one comes along and catches your attention.
you will know when it is the time dear! you just need to wait for the right one, and the right time. Lemme tell ya, sometimes things like love just come to you as a surprise when you least expected it.
it's true because i never deliberately do anything to get a boy friend. things just happen sometimes.
And don't think about whether you are considered "attractive" by guys. well, i mean, if i tell you looks dont matter i would be lying. Looks do matter. Attractive people are attractive, we just can't help it. But when you are talking about love, looks dont always matter as much as many people think. for example, you see couples with one of them being out of the other one's league very often, but they are happy together. and you see so many really pretty girls being dumped by their not-so-good-looking boyfriends...
my point is, better looks can attract people, but to make a relationship work has not much to do with looks, so is finding the right person.
i am sure everyone will find the one sometime, someday. nobody is not good enough for a relationship
aww haha, this entry made me smile :)
and you know what? i was told that i always look angry before, too :O but yea.. now i just plaster on a smile whenever i remember >.>
anywho, yea.. don't worry about bfs at age 16. it was quite refreshing to read your take ~ especially with ppl nowadays just going out with whomever asks. i'm quite picky about who i accept as my boyfriend just because i treasure and guard my heart as something unique and special and i want to keep it as un-wounded as possible when i finally find that right guy to spend eternity with :)
good luck with ur homework!
Given the nature of the times we're in, if I were walking in your shoes, I wouldn't repeatedly beat myself up for not having a SO. If you think having one would still enable you to stay close to the Lord, more power to you!
After a bad break when i was a senior that nearly ruined my last year in high school, I made a vow to myself that I wouldnt have another boyfriend for the rest of my high school career. And I kept that promise to myself and just had a blast with my friends the last few months. The point I'm trying to make is that it might seem like everyone in high school is paired up, but you can still have just as much fun without being tied to someone else.
Also you're 16. Boys at your age are still stupid and immature. So if you meet someone and there's a connection then maybe give it a try. If not, dont get depresed and start generalizing that you're not pretty and boys dont like you. Not true. You're still young, and there's no reason you need to get desperate. When you appare desperate you're going to attrack the wrong kind of guys anyway. Trust me, been there done that. Also speaking from experience, the boy that sweeps you off your feet comes when you least expect it. Don't go looking for the missing puzzle piece becuase you wont find it and it'll drive you crazy, instead wait for to just show up randomly one day. Get the drift?
I also want to make the point that homework isnt everything. Its great that you are so focused on it and want to do well... but half the stuff you're studying isnt going to help you in "life." Maybe one subject is going to help you with what you want to DO in life.. but the real lessons you need to learn are the "experiences." And you can't have those experiences if you're locked up in your room with a nose in a book all the time. That's also a way to ruin your high school career. So yes, stay motivated and keep doing well, but dont pass up the moments with friends that you will regret missing out on in a couple years when its all over.