Dr. DatingishI recently did something horrible (think cheating, but a bit worse) to my SO, and now he won't forgive me. What should I do to make it up to him to show him that I am really, really sorry? We've been together for a while and I really do believe he's the one. I've tried many things, but nothing seems to work. He said he wants me to do something in action that will show him that I truly am sorry and am willing to make it up to him.
I have absolutely no idea what that means.
He said I have to do something that is not given, and something that I haven't done when we're together. But I think I've done a lot already. Any suggestions besides getting him apology cards and gifts?
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Comments (120)
Forget it, it's over.
You fucked up. :-/
When you violate the bonds of relationship like that, you have very little chance of putting it back together.
But there is a small chance that you can do it. It will require you to be consistently faithful in everything that you say you will do and a high level of honest communication about everything you do that is not with him. In essence, you have to show him by your actions that you can and will be faithful.
I'm on his side. You're lucky that he even talks to you. If you really cared about him, you wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
I agree with CarlyMarx.
You can try all you want to prove to him how truly sorry you are but things will never be how it was before. It's done.
Unfortunately, I think this guy means you have to let him cheat to even the score. But hopefully that thing he suggests isn't severe. Otherwise, you kind of lost him.
Yeah, I share the same sentiment as CarlyMarx. Sweetie, no one deserves to be cheated on (and you said you did something worse? I rest my case). Move on. Try to learn from your mistake.
It's not you. It's him. He deserves better.
I have no idea why but when I first read it I actually thought he meant a threesome!
Anyway seriously, hm its pretty hard to convince someone that you love them when you cheated. You need to show complete honesty and be ready to be reminded of your mistake from now on. Maybe he will never trust you again. It is going to be really hard to make it work.
thats just something hes saying...the damage is done im not sure u can do ANYTHING on ur part to repair the damage UNLESS he decides its enough. it may NEVER be enough, anything that you do. its going to be whether he decides ur worthy to stay with.
I am with CarlyMarx on this one too, let him go so he can find someone who values his trust. As one who has been cheated on, we never forget and we never truly forgive. Your bad...
The problem is that you lost his trust. There is not a single act that you can do to regain his trust. Now, he likely just angry and resenting you for whatever it is that you did. I'm not sure anything you do will make him forgive or forget. That takes time. If you're looking for things to go back to normal, they won't. Trust is something easily lost, but very hard, if at all possible, to gain back.
Wow, I totally expected everyone to call me a bitch.
Sweet.
Sorry, CarlyMarx is right. Why did you do it in the first place if you thought he was "the one" and you knew it was wrong and that you'd regret it?
@phoenixBRG@xanga - yep.
sounds like you've just tried to buy him off so far. like someone else said, you can give a try at being consistently faithful and honest about everything, but honestly, you've lost his trust and there is no telling how difficult it will be to get that back, if it's even possible at this point.
cheating, but worse? the only thing worse i can think of is if you have consistently lied to him. which makes me wonder if you ever cared for him at all.
good luck, maybe.
I'm sorry to say this but you fucked up. :\
Your cheating on him violated the bond and trust you guys once had. There's really nothing you can do to salvage it, despite the plethora of apologies you've given him. If you knew that he was "the one", then why did you cheat on him in the first place?
The damage is done already. It's your loss. :\
There's very rare cases where cheating is forgiven. And even if he forgives, it'll always be in the back of his mind. And btw, how can you get worse than cheating..?
Anyway. Good luck.
Steak and a blowjob, 123 GO
Having been cheated on, you can not buy him back. There's really not much you can do either besides keep proving to him that you are trustworthy. That could take years. I still don't fully trust the guy who cheated on me (We broke up about 10 months after he cheated-- Obviously, I got back together with him, but after that the relationship was incredibly rocky and ended). And I'm sorry to say it, but you screwed up badly. I agree with what everyone else has said here. He probably deserves better and it does not seem that you REALLY cared in the first place...you wouldn't have cheated (or done worse). I don't buy that bull. That's what my ex told me too. "I really do care about you, blah blah blah". Yeah....right.
If you really loved him you would never have cheated at all.
There's just no nice way to say it. I think that, in the grand scheme of things, he'll be much better off with someone he can trust.
And if you truly want forgiveness, or even acceptance, you'll have to let him go. Because if you really, really love him, you WILL want him to have better than what you can give him. It won't get you back together, in all likeliness; but after what happened that shouldn't even be a goal anymore. You should now look out ONLY for his happiness. The problem is only getting bigger because you're attempting to get back together; that comes across as selfish, when now, after hurting him so deeply, the only way to heal him is to show him that you recognize it was you who screwed up, and that he doesn't have to put up with your attempts to make it right.... I don't think it can ever be completely right again, because as someone else said, the trust is gone. It's broken.
I know this sounds harsh but there is really no gentle way to come across with this.
Hate to say it, but I don't think there is much you can do =/
I would suggest to be honest, but don't be dramatic about it. Like if he doesn't believe you, don't push it. You lost his trust, and trust can never come back.
Don't buy him anything; that won't work AT ALL.
If money can't buy happiness, it sure can't buy trust.
If he wants action, then give him space; he is still healing after all. You can cook him meals often or cook his favs. that might boost baby steps.
Don't say you're sorry, even if you 'mean it'. He won't believe you...and anymore for that matter.
I hope you don't cheat on him again. he deserves better. if you loved him and thought he was 'the one,' you wouldn't have 'done worse' in the first place.
you get what you pay for. if you did something worse than cheating (wowzers) then you're lucky he didn't kick you right out and stop talking to you and/or cheat on you back. best better find someone else.
It's really easy to be sorry after you realize the consequences of doing something really stupid and selfish, huh?
what is worse than cheating? murder of a loved one? rape? i am having a hard time fathoming what you did...
he might want sex.
@tequila_sky@xanga - I was just thinking the same exact thing!
As for you, the "worse than cheating" girl, I'm sorry but I gotta echo everyone else's sentiments. Take this as a lesson learned, and hopefully you'll know better in the future.
@poorgreenscreen@xanga - I don't think he would want that after know that she probably has done it or more with another guy.
I say def no to sex for a while. Only if he wants it. then go, but don't go for it if he doesn't.
If he's the one, why'd you do what you did?
If you want to work it out, I guess it just takes time. Be as loving and caring as you can be. Be patient, as well. It'll take time, maybe years.