Wednesday, 03 December 2008

• 31 Reasons I Am Not Currently In A Relationship

  This is a guest blog submitted by possums_rock.
  
  The following are reasons nobody in their right mind would tolerate me long term.
  
     1. I am terribly honest.  I can't lie and will probably tell you things you definitely DON'T want to hear.
     2. Loyalty, I've got it in spades.  Once I decide I give a shit give a rat's ass actually care for you, that's it.  It takes a lot for me to stray even after I know the end is near or that you aren't exactly in tune with the same level of loyalty.
     3. I have a hard time trusting people.  If I don't think I can trust you, I'm sure you're hiding something and, therefore, cannot be trusted.  If I get a red flag saying not to trust you, I'll find a reason to make sure you have earned my trust.
     4. I'm disgustingly shy and have a hard time opening up.
     5. You will find me terribly cold, especially if I actually do care about you. When I care about someone, I tend to become rather unsure of myself and go into "emotional lockdown".
     6. Emotional lockdown...I'm usually pretty closed in the "feelings department," but I become even more so and bitchy when I do care for someone.
     7. I handle rejection flawlessly, but it's acceptance that freaks me out.
     8. You are looking at the antithesis of hip.
     9. Social events of any kind aren't my cup of tea.
    10. I sing loudly and terribly.
    11. I come with baggage, my mother being the proverbial suitcase...at least for now.
    12. Do you like hearing random stories about people you don't care about?  I love telling them.
    13. Once I decide to get over my ELD, I will spew all this demented and probably incoherent batch of feelings everywhere.
    14. I don't like shaving my legs, and I shouldn't have to.
    15. It's entirely probable that I will never be able to have kids without a decent amount of fertility drugs.
    16. I don't smoke or drink.  I abhor both, though I can tolerate some minor drinking.
    17. If you don't like my effort to be grammatically correct, buzz off.
    18. I swear...a lot.
    19. I love Star Trek, and by Star Trek, I mean the original series.
    20. I'm a morally righteous atheist.
    21. Saying I am inexperienced with the opposite sex is definitely an understatement.
    22. Despite the above, I'm pretty open minded.
    23. I'm a sucker for "doing the right thing," 99% of the time.
    24. You WILL be expected to have a love of stop-motion animation.
    25. I don't like hunting or fishing.  However, fishing can be tolerated if you throw them back.
    26. Driving scares the bejeezus out of me.
    27. I fear nearly everything in the appropriate dose.
    28. I think in long term, not short term (read: I'm into the whole marriage bit).
    29. Tie-dye is great and novelty socks rule, and that's just a snippet of my colorful wardrobe.
    30. The expiration dates on well...anything...    are merely suggestions.
    31. If anyone can tolerate the above, you are certifiably insane and I doubt I will embark on a relationship with a kook.
  
  That's a pretty good summary of why I will find everyone demented and regard them all with suspicion.
  
  

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