This is a guest blog submitted by MistletoeLove. I have been in two serious relationships thus far; in my first relationship, we dated on and off for a year and a half and, well, we had our ups and downs and whenever it came to sex. With him, I never thought about it . . . I didn't put a thought towards what it really was. You get to a point in life (well so I think) that it means more. There IS a difference between having sex and making love, I believe.
I discussed this with my current BF - this is my second serious relationship - and he put a whole new spin on the way I think about it. I asked him if he thought there was a difference, and he said yes. To him, making love is a "motive"...you care about the person and you start off with either one of two thoughts:
1. Just wanting sex...wanting what comes from sex.
2. Being in love and showing your partner how much you love them by the act itself.
There are many ways to show someone you love them, but the act of making love is much more intimate . . . more personal . . . than simply a card or a gift. It's something that is shared between two people in a comfortable atmosphere.
You feel as if you are one rather than two people living separate lives, and we all want the feeling of being the most important aspect of someone's life...to feel safe and loved.
Don't get me wrong - you can still have sex with someone you're in a relationship with, even if you are in love with them . . . it can turn into just sex.
Do you believe there is a difference between sex and making love? If so, what's the difference?
Comments (88)
Definitely.
2 bec0me 1 ,baby =] ...lol
By words... This is how would I explain it...
Making love = mental/spiritual needs - to give and receive love by the action.
Having Sex = physical needs - to satisfy the need of sex.
I agree with you on the part that you can have sex when you're in a relationship just to satisfy the physical need.
Everytime you and your partner have sex or make love will be a different situation. You two may both just want to have sex, want to make love, or one of each.
@lmflazyjai1984@xanga - nice.
I believe that Making Love is not an act performed in coitus. You make love when you by him a cinnabon because you thought of him while shopping at the mall. You make love when he shows up at your work with a bouqet of flowers. You make love when you are lying on the couch with your head in his lap while he plays fallout three. You make love when he hold your hand, as you experience the excruitiating contractions of child birth. You make love through the little actions, not by the event of reproduction.
To me, making love is when having sex becomes all about making the other person feel you. It's when you forget about yourself.. and when there are two people in bed, trying to make the other one feel better than they themselves are feeling, I think it's probably just about as perfect as it gets.
@fayebernoulli@xanga - thank you
There is most definitely a difference. In fact, in my own personal life, I have three different levels, not just two =)
F*ck*ng - Just sex, you don`t care about the other person, or even if they reach their climax, as long as you do.
Having Sex - You don`t necessarily care for this person or have feelings for them, but you do want them to climax just as much as you want to yourself. This is also what I call it when a girl starts sleeping with her boyfriend after only a few weeks, for example. No real "love" but still some level of emotion.
Making Love - This is reserved for a loving, commited relationship - you care deeply for this person and making love is just another way to bring the two of you closer. Making love doesn`t always have to be slow and soft, you can rut like animals and it would still be considered making love in this situation.
Anyways, just my $0.02 again.
To me making love is expressing your feelings to someone when words aren't enough, or when nothing else is enough really. Well, that's what I hope it is.
And then sex..is just sex. It's either fun or it's not (it should be fun though).
i think the difference is more semantic than anything else. You can f*** someone you are deeply in love with and you can f***someone you don't even like...i've done both. As for "having sex" (i hate that term-it's so pompous) it's just a euphemism Network TV has to use.
That's an easy answer. If you'd like a more scholarly one read Maurice Merleau-Ponty's chapter on sexuality in his book "The phenomenology of Perception." Kind of heavy reading but if you can get through that chapter you will see that "sexuality" (which may have nothing to do with sex) is the way we engage others---the way you engage a stranger when you ask the time of day, the way i engage you in trying to answer your question.
Sex, on the other hand, Ponty believes is a time when we are striving mightily for a kind of pure subjectivity, even fusion with one's partner, while trying very hard to avoid being objectified, for at these moments were are all horribly vulnerable to being objectified---and and that word objectified in this context can be horribly traumatizing. Please read the chapter and let me know what you think.
I would think the clearest sign between the two for me is rather I want to put on my clothes and leave or stay and hold her...
For me . . . making love is about being together, being close, taking it slow, making it meaningful. Having sex . . . well that's more for fun, to fulfill needs, etc. Both are about passion, but different kinds of passion. Making love is intimate passion, while having sex is just animalistic passion. I think a relationship needs both to balance itself out . . . and they are equally enjoyable!
Meh, I don't really get why so many people put faith into the whole "making love" vs "having sex" thing, believing that one is better than the other. You can "have sex" with someone you're not in a relationship with, just as you can most certainly "make love" with them. The same is true of people in relationships and their sexual intimacy.
Honestly, I don't really think there's a different between "having sex" and "making love" in sexual terms. Both involve sexual intimacy, which boils down to "having sex", no matter what else you'd like to call it. I agree more with IonaLoire on "making love". If you're going to "make love" with a person, it should extend much further, beyond the bounds of the bedroom, into the every day, with all the little things you say and do for and with the special person in your life.
I do think that lmflazyjai1984 made a nice distinction between the two in the sexual aspect though. I'm just not really sure how much credibility it really has.
@ladiie_rapture@xanga - Haha very well put comment. I have to agree with this.
If you watched Zack and Miri Make A Porno, when they had sex they were making love, while the other porn actors were f**king.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - lol glad to see i`m not the only one who thinks that way :P and i haven`t been able to get out to see the movie yet, I heard it`s a gooder though and I can`t wait. lol.
My current boyfriend and I started having sex in June 2007. Having sex, not making love... we weren't even dating until December 2007. On New Years we made love to each other... and it was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life. We went sooo slow, with our arms wrapped around each other holding each other tightly. I know there's a big difference. But since we made love that night, just regular having sex is boring to me 99% of the time.
Right on the money, honey‼
ladiie_rapture@xanga
...and you too > IonaLoire@xanga, right on!!
agree with you guys too.....
> bmrowland@xanga
>aZnPrinCess888@xanga
>lmflazyjai1984@xanga
some very nice responses there!
There's not much else one can add to what you've all said really, however I will say that I personally feel that love (true love that is) is a very special thing, and is not dependent upon there being a physical/sexual relationship, love can exist quite happily between two people just as it is, without the need for sex, just as (I suppose) a sex thing can exist between two people without the need for love, as it seems is the case for many people in the world these days, sadly‼
Wouldn't it be great if there could be more relationships based more on love, and less on just sex in the world, instead of the other way around‼
Angelisanti
@ladiie_rapture@xanga - It was alright, but I wish the third act was a bit better. If you're looking for something hilarious I would recommend Role Models. I love that geektastic ending!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - haha another one i haven`t seen =\ guess it`s time to get out to the theatres again lol.
@ladiie_rapture@xanga - I agree! its how you feel towards the person.
xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - exactly :)
Yes, there is a very very big difference. Making love is the most precious gift you can give to your partner, because you are literally, in a way, giving yourself. Having "just" sex is less meaningful. I feel all sex should be considered as making love, for me, at least, so I plan to do it with the most special person for the first time, on my wedding night.
Let me do this.
Sex. When the penis goes inside the vagina.
Fucking. When either of the person just have sex for the FUCK of it because neither one of them can give a shit..They find a mutual attraction towards one another and is ready to release the beast? =P Fucking is hardcore lust..Strictly, only lust. They get done..NO NEED to cuddle. No NEED to anything. Cum and done. Get it? Got it? Good. Now , pick up your clothes& leave.
Having sex. When a person might could have a crush on the other.. might. Or just wants to have sex because they find each other "straight." meaning, cool, chill, or whatever floats your boat. There's something there - but IT'S NOT IN-DEPTH. .. This could happen 3 times.
Making Love..when one or the other truly have an affectionate /passionate feeling towards a person..they want to show or express it in any or every way..Kissing on the curve..Til BOTH climax. ..just not the guy. And it could lead hours foreplay..and maybe, most likely, afterwards, too..hell, they might do it again? HAHA! or the girl falls asleep gently on the guys chest =) and next morning, again.. Making love..IS something spiritual, emotional.. like I said, 2 become 1. It's a pleasure beyond pleasure..
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - hm..i should watch that lol
@lmflazyjai1984@xanga - yayuh