This is a guest blog submitted by TAlexaander. I woke up this morning next to my beautiful girlfriend "Annie". She's got the most amazing personality a guy could ask for; I could watch any sports game with her and she'd know what play I was talking about. Then we could be lying in bed listening to songs that people don't usually listen to, and she'd be singing right along with me. I'm in love with her; there's no hesitation in that statement whatsoever. But the way I met "Annie" was wrong. I met her so I could get over my ex-girlfriend, the girl I thought I could seriously spend the rest of my life with. Her name is "Jenny".
"Jenny" and I had this fairytale story. We met three years ago at this party with all our friends, and we were both at stages in our lives where all we wanted to do was have fun and drink.
We kissed that night, but then again, I didn't know who I was kissing back then. Three years later, I found her on MySpace; I thought nothing of it and added her just to be friends. Well, I was in Australia at the time, and she texted me immediately. I couldn't believe my reaction - my heart skipped a beat. We talked for two weeks straight - screw the time difference - then I finally came home to be with her. "Jenny" was everything I could ever ask for. She pushed my buttons, she always listened when all the stuff I was saying was BS, and most of all, she loved me for who I was: a "hopeless hopeful romantic". The relationship ended because of me - I was an idiot and took her kindness for granted (I cheated on her with my previous girlfriend, but I really never cheat; that was the first time). There's not a day I don't go without thinking about her, and I miss her every day, every second.
So I need help. Should I start over with "Annie" or should I try again with "Jenny"?
Is it possible to be in love with two people?
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Comments (154)
you're with "annie" now right?
and "jenny" is pretty much out of the picture right now.
that's all i can really say.
Honestly, I need more information on this one.
your life certainly sounds like a drama.
i suggest you go for Annie. for girls, once a relationship has ended, it ENDS. no matter how much you try to get back together w Jenny, even if u do, she will always remember that you cheated on her. that's gonna get very ugly when you quarrel in the future, and this topic automatically comes up.
at least w Annie, you have a "clean" record :)
maybe its possible, but its only one of the two that u see a future in, isnt it?
go for the one you really want.
You must be fair though. You can't be selfish and have both.
just really think about your decision, decide which girl is the right one for you,
How can someone truly love two people at the same time? Just wondering. (No sarcasm, I promise.)
ok, to boil this down (and possibly offend you), you've made a decision to start a new relationship after you messed up the last one by cheating (with an ex, no less) and now you're looking for an excuse to cheat with (get back together with, whatever; it's the same thing at this point) an ex again.
Love is not an emotion. Love is a strange combination of affection (which is an emotion) and responsibility and the laying down of one's own life (which is a choice). Be thankful for what you have, and start seeking the highest good of your partner instead of your own pleasure. One way to determine whether or not something is love is whether one is ready and committed to do the best thing for one's beloved even if it means suffering, even if it means not seeing that person again (now, in normal situations this isn't quite the way things usually have to go, but it's the preparation and readiness to give it up that is important). If you aren't willing to give your relationship up with that person for their own sake, then you aren't in love.
Then again, I believe love finds it's fullest expression in service and is completely monogamous with only one spouse for a lifetime (that is, I line up with the historical/radical Christian belief), so our value systems might not line up. Take the advice with as many grains of salt as you need.
You forgot to mention the 3rd person you're in love with, right?
Yourself.
Sorry to be brutally harsh, but I believe problems like this are brought on by our own selfishness.
Do you honestly seek the good of either of these two people more than you seek your own? If not, you may be "in love," but you don't truly love either one.
Being in love can get a relationship to start, but only love (selfless devotion) can keep it on its feet.
The question here is even a selfish one. Why do you want to get back with Jenny? Because you miss her. Do you honestly believe that getting back with you would be the BEST thing for her? My inkling is you probably don't.
Do you think that sticking with Annie would be the best thing for her? Well, it appears you're emotionally cheating on her already (or getting very close), by pining for Jenny. Ask yourself, what would Annie think if she read this blog entry?
Sure, you can be "in love" with two people at once. But if you cared more about either of them than you did for yourself, the choice, I think, would be clearer.
No relationship will be right for you, or for me, or for anybody, until we can truly put the good of the "other" person ahead of our own good.
And lest I come across as holier-than-thou, I'll confess I've let my selfishness ruin relationships like this before. Not something I care to talk about, but I'll admit it.
Not to be mean, but I don't think Jenny would take you back after you cheated on her.
If you are going out with annie now, then stick with her.
So far it sounds like you love Annie mucho mucho, desite the fact that you 'used' her in the first place.
I say go for Annie.
I'd say something positive about Jenny, but I don't want to confuse you lol. sorry ><
well.. even if u want jenny, you can't get her back right? i'd say just stick with annie. don't be selfish again and hurt another sweet girl.
*despite sorry for poor spelling
@The_Guitarfan@xanga - wow ... I was definitely typing my response at the same time you were ... good advice is universal, I guess ... :)
Uh, you cheated, so I would pick "Amanda"
you should be lucky when you can love someone,and you love 2 persons.in your place i would be happiest person in the world.
If "Annie" is your girlfriend, then you are with her.
If "Jenny" is your ex-girlfriend, then you are not with her.
It's as simple as that. If you want to fuck up a good thing with "Annie" then pursue "Jenny" again.
Honestly, you're pretty much a moron if you need to ask random strangers on the internet this question. Either figure it out for yourself or do nothing at all and remain in stasis.
Also, if you and "Jenny" broke up, it was for a reason right? Just keep reminding yourself of that.
you are so not in love with both girls. you're just infactuated with both of them. give it time, it'll pass and you'll move on to the next chick.
it sounds like you actually got to meet annie while you and jennie just kind of rushed into things and if you cheated on her obviously there was something missing so stick with annie and see where it goes because you make it sound like shes the one you really want
My gut instinct is to stay with "Annie".
My rationale behind this is based on personal experience: even if you are the sweetest guy in the world, and "Jenny" has accepted that your cheating was a one-time deal and has forgiven you, that one time you cheated will always stay in the back of her mind.
She could be crazy for you, you could be crazy for her, but the day she starts thinking about your relationship, or she meets a nice person, or you get in a fight, she will think of that time you cheated, and will use it as leverage. She could use it against you, she could drop you in the blink of an eye...
And then you would be back at square one... Alone. Without "Jenny". Without "Annie".
Then again, if "Jenny" is driving you crazy and it will threaten your chances with "Annie", maybe you should just be fair to both of them (and yourself) and take a break from both of them and evaluate the path your heart wants you to follow...
I wish you the best of luck!
I say, take a break and be single for awhile until you can find yourself and know exactly what it is that you want in life. Otherwise, you`d probably end up screwing either `Jenny`or `Annie` over, leaving her bitter and scarred.
I'm in love with two people, who are also in love with each other and me. And it rocks my world.
Sorry I'm not actually offering any advice, and my love triangle isn't relevant at all, but your post made me think of my loves. :)
I might comment again with real advice, maybe.
I know how you are feeling right now....exactly....It's a tough situation my friend...a tough one..
more infooooO! how long have you beeen with either of these girliesss
No-which means you aren't in love with either.
people fall for different tyes of people in different points in your lives, but there really is no going back. its real easy to daydream about someone else and the euphoria and what ifs, but its another thing to know what you have is real, and either you are ready to live inthe now or daydream inthe past. personally i think you can have lots of different types of love in youre life,and theresnothing wrong with beign attracted to them, but it is important to really know what it at the heart of it. might want to do some soul searchign before doing anything rash.
you're not in love with two people; you're a selfish jerk who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
you are not being fair to either girl, especially to annie, who probably has no clue what's going on. jenny wouldn't take you back unless she's a) desperate, or b) a masochist.
sigh. it's guys like you that make ALL men look bad.
Personally, I would never take back a man who cheated on me. But Jenny might be different. Keep this in mind though, she may have forgiven you for cheating, but trust me, she hasn't forgotten and never will forget, unless she gets amnesia of some sort.
And oh, I find this rather funny, you cheated on Jenny to be with your previous girlfriend and now you're thinking of leaving Annie to be with Jenny, who is your ex. See the pattern?