This is a guest blog submitted by warrior_princess.I'm confused, upset and devalued.
I've known K. for more than a year, and during that time, we hung out regularly, meeting almost once every week.
Gradually I've found myself developing feelings for him as I start to think of him more often than I should. Occasionally he calls me "dear" and whenever we are out, he'll jokingly suggest that we check in to a hotel or massage each other. It confuses me, as he knows I'm quite a conservative gal and I'm not sure if he is suggesting for real or if he is just teasing me. When I expressed my concerns to him, he said I was always too uptight about everything and I'm too serious to joke around with. Despite the constant flirtation, he has never really been physically close to me though he often makes suggestive remarks.
Whenever I bring up the topic about where we are both heading (if we are becoming more than just friends), he will say that he does not understand what I am trying to ask and brush me aside.
Once, he told me that although he thinks about taking our relationship to the next level, he always hesitates because his work is keeping him too busy. Then, on another occasion, when we hugged, I felt nothing but empty. I told him that his hug was cold and distant, so he said to let him try again the next time...and he said he hugs better in bed. Does he just see me as a sexual object to lust after and nothing more?
Many times I've tried to just move on with my life but I can never resist the temptation to go out with him whenever he asks me out. I feel like a loser and "cheap" to be so readily available for him...but what can I do? No, in case you are wondering, I haven't slept with him.
I want to know how he feels about me and our relationship, but how do I probe if he's always brushing me off whenever I try to bring up the subject?
Do you think he's just having me hanging around him or he is just not ready to commit?
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Comments (50)
he's a tease kinda flirt. he flirts with a lot of girls for fun, so the best thing to do it situations like this, is distant yourself. i know..ive been there.
Maybe he is confused on the way the relationship is.
It sounds like he may be just as confused as you. Mixed signals are always a sign of a lack of communication, so maybe you should talk directly with him about your feelings and see how he responds.
But i'd personally ditch him. I'd rather not get hurt.
it sounds like he is not the type of guy that knows what he is doing, and he is just teasing you around. Doesn't sound like a guy who would take responsibiltiy or long term committment
What does your "woman's intuition" tell you? I would place my bet that he's not really interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you...whether or not he is busy.
i think he is not interested...he just playing around....
he's flirty man whore. that's all.
On just this information, I'd say he's playing you.
Heating you up & Cooling you down to the point of breaking your heart so he can swoop in and....well, we know the end of this story.
:(
But if he is still at it after this long...he could be starting to develop feelings of his own. I doubt it, but it's possible.
It depends on what kind of person you are honestly. If you are a shy/closed off person. He could simply be trying to avoid giving you an excuse to shut him down.
Do you know his friends, family, coworkers...pets?
Getting to know them will give you the answers you seek.
IF you do not know much of any of the above, I'd be looking for an exit strategy before you get any deeper or asking to spend some time with the above mentioned.
Too many "if"s for my liking.
constant sexual jokes don't make your future with him look too bright. i'd just either have a talk with him, to get him to say straight out how he feels, or try to forget about him. it seems like he's using you to boost his self-esteem, but i'm not in the situation so i don't really know
I knew a guy like this. He was a big flirt and was always paying attention to me. But he slept around a lot so I tried not to like him (which never works). One night we made out and he told me 'maybe when I'm ready for a serious relationship...' But it never went any farther, he was never ready, but he kept suggesting we sleep together. We were 'friends' (I use the term friend loosely because I believe once you hook up with someone you can't really be just friends) until one of the many girls he was screwing got pregnant and they moved to arizona. He sort of broke my heart. So my advice is not get emotionally involved, he doesn't know what he wants and will most likely end up hurting you.
You need to sit that dude down, and ask him what's on your mind. Be like you're not leaving till I find out cause you're wasting my time.
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I can't be sure since I don't know him personally. But according to your story, it seems like he is just playing around.
What does your gut tell you? I'd trust that above all else, really. That said, I don't like the sounds of this. I don't think he's into it.
Move on, he's not looking for a relationship with you. When you hugged him, all you felt was a hollow shell and that should be an indication that this is not going in the direction you had hoped.
Look, it doesn't matter what his "intentions" may be, or if you're taking his comments too "seriously." Bottom line: YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. And for that reason alone, his remarks are inappropriate, even if he means to take your relationship to another level. If he can't respect that, then he's not respecting you, and that doesn't make him much of a friend. I would just be up front with him and say, "Look, I know you're just joking around with me, but those sorts of remarks make me uncomfortable. Please stop."
It looks like to me, you 2 have different ways of communicating, and this in itself does and will cause conflict in the future. You're conservative, and you like the straight line approach, you like this black and white and boundaries all defined. You like it to be "Are we bf/gf, are we committed, yes? good" He on the other hand, likes to be more on the fly. He doesn't seem to be the type that'll want to ask the girl "Do you want to have sex?" because if it's gonna happen, it'll just happen. I don't think he views you as a "sex object". To be honest, I kinda do the same thing myself, where I'll suggestively flirt because I'm trying to see if the girl I'm flirting with will make an interesting gf or not. Just my .02
it sounds like u've already tried a few times to talk to him. i don't think there's anything more you can do.... i say drop him and move on.
if a man is into you, he will let you know.
i don't know what this guy's deal is, but he is definitely not being a man. no true man would play with a woman's feelings like this...
He is not interested. He's a tease, he's a flirt, and he's only playing games with you and himself. try comparing how he treats you compared to his previous girlfriends, or a recent infatuation.
Sounds to me like this guy doesn't know what he wants. :\ Plus, you mentioned that when he hugged you, that it was distant and cold. It's pretty clear that he may not be ready for a relationship. It's best to forget about him and move on.
seems like he's just trying to get an ego boost from you. I know a few guys that act similar to the one you're describing. luckily, those guys are all in the friend zone for me so I call them out on trying to get an ego boost, and most agree. good luck.
He's playing with you, isn't it obvious?
He might have a sexual attraction to you but that's where it ends. Either he's emotionally unavailable or he doesn't find you interesting enough to pursue a real relationship with. Whichever it is.. it isn't good.
Just stay away and try to get over him. He's a waste of time. Trust me.
He may be scared of committment so he's keeping you around as a friend and flirting with you so he can take his time making a choice. He doesn't want to lose you but doesn't want to get close either. Yeah, he's being selfish after all this time. I say move on.
he's having you around.
men, like women, love attention. knowing that you're interested in him feeds his self confidence. he probably makes all those flirtacious remarks to keep you around. if you really want to see what his intentions are..i think you should just distant yourself away for a bit and see how he reacts. stay busy or whatever. if he makes attempts/suggests to see you, maybe he's interested. try to casually bring up another love interest and see how he reacts. if he doesn't approach you during that time, he might have found another chick to "have around".
if reading this makes your head hurt and you don't feel like trying to figure it out, i say drop him! why waste your time? its like this book i read "why men love bitches".. don't be a doormat girl, be a bitch.