This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
Over the summer, I started dating this boy that I've known for roughly six months. It was a long distance relationship, and I wasn't exactly sure how well it would work out. About a month or so into the relationship, I randomly met this other boy that lived only 20 minutes from me and I fell for him instantly. I had to break up with one to be with the other, and I'm starting to believe that's where my mistakes began.
I broke up with the first boy, and he was deeply hurt by it, mostly because it came without warning and I blindsided him with the news. He agreed to still be friends, and after about a week of silence, we were on relatively good terms.
Long story short, the new relationship quickly turned problematic. The new boy started saying that I wasn't being open enough, and we really didn't see each other a lot because he worked full-time. As issues surfaced, I would tell my ex (the one I broke up with for the new boy) about everything. It almost seemed like the more my new boy wanted me to open up, I would, but more so with my ex. Through all the problems, I actually worked out more issues I'd had in my previous relationship than the one I was currently in.
My ex-boyfriend would flirt with me and bash on my boyfriend (understandable). So as things seemed to fall apart with my new boy, I'd keep my ex updated - he quickly became a really good friend of mine. I was able to tell him about things I'd been nervous about mentioning when we were together before, for some reason, and we got to know each other better.
So the new relationship ends (big surprise!), and now I am dealing with the aftermath of it all. My new ex keeps telling me that he cares about me and loves me but doesn't seem to make any move to want to get back with me. On the other hand, my older ex still flirts with me, and if you could hear the conversations we have, you'd think we were back at the "puppy love" stage.
So my question is, should I take a chance and see if my old ex wants to be together again? I'm more worried that he'll reject me, so I am really hesitant to say anything. I don't want to hurt him again, because he is truly an amazing guy. But if I continue to wait, there's the possibility he will find someone else. So should I ask the older ex-boyfriend if he'll take me back, or just kind of deal with being friends and leave it alone?
Recommend
Comments (49)
Who do you like better?
Simple as that.
Who do you want to be with?
Remember why they are exes....and not currents. Remember the bad stuff trying to decide.
Go for it and see if he's up for it. :)
Life's too short to wait and let the moment pass by.
this is exactly whats going on with me right now. its kind of creepy.
It's time to make a Good vs. Bad list of the relationship. Which side has more, the good or the bad.
Or you can throw out a hypothetical situation to this man about you two getting back together and see his reaction.
it's up to you
Because of the distance it would be really hard, so if you wanted to get back together, I would see what you could do about the distance. On the other hand, if he makes you happy, go for it.
If he's naive enough to take you back for a round two, then why not?
I say lifes too short not to take risks so go for it!
you never know, things could work out in your favor!
best wishes!<3
(second ex) It did not work out probably because you have a better relationship with the previous guy. Leave it at that.
(first ex) Let the wounds heal as there is a possibility that they will resurface once you get back together. It would be better if you let him and yourself heal for now. If he finds another girl, let him be. If you are meant to be, then those relationships you had with other people would only be treated as learning experiences. It seems as though you are not confident enough to be in a relationship with him again. Goodluck!
it seems like the only reason why you broke up with the first boy was because the second boy was closer and you decided that was better, not because you necessarily liked the second one better. you should probably think about all the reasons why you broke up with the first boy and decide if its a good idea to get back together.
however, i'd wait a little while so it doesn't seem like a rebound and then make the suggestion. i think you are gonna have to be willing to admit that you screwed up by picking the other guy.
go for it, but try not to be so fickle :\
If you really like the first ex, then go for it. You never know what can happen. :)
Assuming you really liked him to begin with, I definitely think you should get him back; no one likes to be hand-picked like a produce item at the grocery, and (almost) no one deserves to have that happen to them. If you weren't sure how the relationship would end up in the first place that's one thing, but to drop someone because you come across someone better is quite another. I'm impressed he still flirts with you. At this point, if it's really apparent that he wants you back, and you want him back, go for it. If you're "meh" about him or suspect that you may fall head over heels for someone else a day after randomly meeting him, don't make him feel like a recyclable.
Nope, move on. You've already hurt him once. Gotta own up to your mistakes. Besides, there are plenty of options out there. And they are an ex for a reason. So apparently if he was worth ditching for the new guy then obviously, your relationship w/ him was lacking some components.
first of..life is too short to not take risks. dont' you watch any love story movies? everyone takes risks! so do it! obviously your very much in love with your first ex..so tell him so. tell him you want back..there's nothing wrong with making that first movie. plus it seems you choose numero two ex over the current ex. you mesh well.
well you chose one over the other, which is saying you were willing to throw away the first guy to begin with. The other guy seems to have a real agenda for himself..plus...if you were talking to your ex about problems with your current...seems to me like you were wanting attention you werent getting before from the first ex. I suggest to find a guy that can give you the attention you want, weither its the old ex or someone new. But if you get with some other dude, have respect for your ex boyfriends and dont talk about your problems with them.. It gives off false hope and your leading the poor guy on.
If you have faith in yourself to not hurt your first ex then you really should try to get back with him. Long distance relationship can work if both of you are willing to make it work. Don't get sidetracked with your new ex.
i'm kind of in the same boat as you right now...
You know, I say go for it. As long as you've worked out the issues that you had prior, and you feel like you guys are closer than ever before, go for it. Be aware though that he might end up having trust issues. I mean, you did drop him for another guy. That happened to me with my ex, and I did have trust issues, for a HUGELY long time. And I had big issues with self-esteem because of it. Make sure you sit him down and have a talk with him, and make it clear that the other guy is out of your life. And you better be damn sure that he is out of your life, b/c ex's get jealous and usually want to wiggle back in. Like you said, your first ex is a good guy, he doesn't deserve to be hurt like that again.
But, dating is just that, it's DATING. It doesn't have to be a life-time commitment. Enjoy getting to be with him again, and just see where it leads you. Life is too short to look back with "what ifs".
apparently u wanna be with ur old-ex
wht r u waitin 4? .. go for it!
good luck <3
You are mean.
If you want to take another chance at it, then go for it.
BUT
You'll have to assess whether you're at the point in the relationship or in your life where you're ready for another relationship. It seems by your post that you're just jumping from one to another, possibly looking for something that you enjoy or whatnot. You'll have to do some self-reflection.
same situation with me..
pick the one you really love and care but don't hurt your old ex again