Monday, 01 December 2008
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He Wrote Me A Hopeful Breakup Letter; Should I Move On?
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.
I was dating someone, and he just recently broke up with me - in a letter. I think it's stupid that he did it, but I think he had to write in there because it was easier for him. I didn't read the letter; I just gave it to my friend to get rid of it, but I know we broke up. I had told him everything about me, and trusted him completely.My friend called me and told me a few things in the letter because she thought they were important. She said he wrote that he still loved me, but I was expecting too much out of him right now, among other things.
I'm just curious as to if I should move on right now. He said he might be willing to get together in the future, but just not now. I don't know what to do. Please give me advice as to what I should do.
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Comments (79)
First of all, if I were you, I will read the letter first... at least get to know why or what is going on that made you two break up...
If you agree on his point that you're asking too much from him... and if you still love him, give him time, give him room...
I would give it a try if I were you... it doesn't seem like it's over yet... just need to work things out...
good luck~!
I think you should read the letter to gain a better understanding of where he is in his head right now and then go from there. Moving on would be recommended.
You should move on. If, in the future he wants to get back together with you and you still want to be with him, go for it. But you don't want to sit around waiting around and pining over a guy. :]
I'd say move on. Save all the mess and leave the rest in God's hand.
just move on
Definitely read the letter -- guys tend to write when they're having a tough time too, and if he's a good guy, he's probably letting you in on what he's feeling right now. Around the time of a breakup, a lot of guys tend to be "hopeful" that things could work out in the future -- and sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. You're best off not expecting too much as far as future outcomes are concerned, but reading the letter will probably do you more good than harm. Just remember that he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of writing you a letter if he didn't respect or care for you.
Move on.
Move on.
You broke up. That should tell you to move on. Don't put your life on hold for anyone.
I think you should read the letter. It will help you understand the situation better and also, it's better to not make assumptions about what is going on his head.
And first give him time to think things through, but also, it's best if you don't completely close your heart off to people, or potential daters. It doesn't mean that you should jump start on a new relationship because you need time to heal. Take this time as a way to improve yourself and focus on things that make you happy.
Guys mostly say that they might want to get into a relationship later on, when they're ready, but I don't think you should wait for it to happen. What if it doesn't happen? I think he wants to have the security that you could be a fallback plan, per se. People tend to do that. They like knowing that they can fall back on someone. I say you live your life, and have this as a learning experience. Grow from the situation, and get your closure. It's hard but these things make a person stronger.
Good luck.
Yea, you should get that letter back and at least read it. Without having an idea of what he wrote, I can't say for sure you should move on, but the signs are pointing to that answer.
I would read the letter, definatelly.
I often write letters when I feel numb or deeply hurt. I can express all my feeling better and without getting unterrupted. so, read it!
and then think about it if you really want to much from him.
give him some space..and try not to want that much even if its hard. show him that you respect his feelings..even if it gets hard for you.
you should really do that if you still love him
I think you should just move on. Who's to say if you will expect/want too much from him in the future and the relationship will end again? Just move on with your life.
Xo
I had a hopeful break-up and I can tell you that we're never going to get back together. There is a possibility that you guys can end up back together, but I wouldn't put all hopes on it, live your life.
I would read the letter as other suggested, if it's too early, wait it off a while.
Read the letter, but move on. If he wanted to work things out with you, then he would have written a letter saying just that. But he decided to break up with you instead of giving the two of you a chance to work out your differences. Sure, he's going to write some hopeful things-- He's probably struggling with the breakup and feeling bad about it. He's probably afraid of losing you from his life entirely. But you can't sit around waiting for him to figure out what he wants. Move on.
I think you should have read the letter. Instead of taking the word of your friend...
he is no longer worth you time.
move the eff on. hehe
you'll find better men!
@ToxicWishes@xanga - "You broke up. That should tell you to move on. Don't put your life on hold for anyone."
Can't say it better myself.
Get back the letter. Read it. Move on.
Nothing more to think about but move on. He's only saying that because he wants you to remain as his backup. F that. Not saying that isn't a possibility but like my friend said to her ex, "why should I give YOU a 2nd chance when I can give that chance to someone else?" and another thing she said to me was, "whatever he can give you, so can the next guy". So really, there's no reason for you to not let go NOW or wait until later to let go. Move on to bigger & better things.
Firstly, read the letter. That's a given. That way you can interpret it the way that your instincts tell you, rather than going on the interpretations of a friend.
Secondly, move on with your life. The reasons that you two broke up will always remain, and it will be too easy to bring them up in the future.
Thirdly, who knows? Perhaps he just needs to sort his life out right now, but that is no excuse for you to keep waiting for him while passing other opportunities by. Still, the future is always undecided. There may come a point where the two of you are able to get back together again, but don't count on it.
Use this experience to learn and move on, and this may be just the experience you need to find someone who is even more special and deserving of you.
If you care for him at all, you should give him the respect he deserves and read the letter. He took time to express his thoughts and feelings; you should take the time to at least hear him out. It may help you move on.
Also, a break up is not a "break." You should not wait around on the hope that he might want to get back together. You should move on.
*didn't read above comments* Read the letter first, then move on.
MOVE ON. Take it from me. I didn't. I let the hope get to me, and it was heartbreaking all over again when he changed his mind about getting back together in the future. I know our situations may or may not be different, but the idea is still the same. You're broken up, and you shouldn't put your life on hold for him while he gets all the time in the world to do what he wants to do. Don't let him have that power over you. And, like previous commenters have mentioned.... if he truly wanted to work things out, he would have said so rather than just breaking up with you.
Everything happens for a reason. So you move on with your life and he moves on with his. If you are supposed to be together it will happen when the timing is right. If/When he wants to get back together he will come back, and if you are on the same page at that time then give it another go. Until then, don't hold your breath. Life's too short!
With empathy for your situation,
-Bri :)
Move on--if there's "room" for him later, then you can evaluate your situation then.
First, though, read the letter. There's a lot of important and VERY MEANINGFUL things that people write when they just can't say them. He probably put a lot of effort into being sincere and honest with you in that letter, you owe yourself to read it.