Sunday, 30 November 2008
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Is She Playing Games or Am I Playing the Fool?
This is a guest blog submitted by psykoaznballa. Once upon a time I was really diggin' this girl. I thought she was diggin' me too, until one day, when we were video chatting, she received a call online from Mr. Anonymous. Turns out that he was a guy on hold before they officially got into a relationship. The guy had to study abroad and wouldn't be returning until Christmas. Ever since she told me that, I've never felt the same way towards her. I got cold feet and talked to her substantially less. I still saw her as a cute girl who knew a big part of me emotionally. And at the same part of me, I knew I wasn't just some guy to her.
That was the closest thing to a summer romance I've ever experienced. I'm not trying to put myself down or get sympathy for my lack of experience in the relationship department. However, this particular girl is playing a number on me. I've never been in an actual relationship because I have always stopped myself from committing myself to one. I've had flings back in high school and enjoy locking eyes with any passing lady. However, I've always believed in an old school romance where I could save a first kiss for a special somebody. My intuition hasn't proven me wrong, and I've never felt the need to look for a relationship, but I wouldn't mind one at the same time. I know she hasn't given herself emotionally or physically to any guy because we had talked about how we had very similar romantic histories, or lack thereof.
To bring matters up to speed, this girl is coming down from San Diego to visit me in L.A. She's taking the train down and is going to catch a ride back up with a friend. She's going to be staying the nights back at her friend's house but has established that she wants to spend her waking hours hanging out with me. She also told me that she called her past flame and extinguished past feelings and hopes for the future with him.
My automatic response is obvious and that she is coming down to visit for a potential relationship. If I were in her shoes, I would most definitely not pay for a train ticket to come hang out with myself if I was just a friend. A mutual friend told me that she had the reputation for just being overly friendly towards guys and that she had often crushed unsuspecting guys' hearts because they'd misinterpreted her actions. I can understand that perfectly - in fact, it sounds just like me. When we talk, she consistently ends the conversation with how excited she is to see me.
If it ends up being the former case, this will not be the first time a girl has put in a ton of work to corner me into a relationship. If it's the latter, this has to be the "friendliest" girl I've really gotten close to. If I were personally writing this as a letter to my best friend, I would include every detail and this entry would exponentially multiply itself in length. If you were all my best friends and I knew you guys would care to read every written word, you'd have yourself a nice lengthy biography, but who reads anymore these days?
Final verdict - do you think she's looking for more than a relationship or am I making something out of nothing?
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Comments (40)
I think she may be considering you... But be on your guard theres no guarantee your the only one she has her eyes on. Be ready for both outcomes good and bad
That situation is a tuff question to answer. No1 can pass judgement unless they hear her side of the story...and know her. But from what u mentioned...yeah she might be playing you.
I dont know. If i connected emotionally with you, but i knew told you that i had feelings for someone else and his and I's relationship is put on hold...but i want to come see you?
Sounds like i dont know what i want and for the time being...you are "closer" than mybe future boyfriend.
I would becareful. Hang out with friends. Dont do the one on one thing, it might leave to trouble.
Xo
hmm i didn't realize that la was "down" from san diego.
it's hard to judge because of the lack of details, not the least of which being how you met this girl. has this purely been an online relationship thus far? have you ever met her in real life before? or did you meet somewhere and since then one of you has moved?
but to be honest, given that she's a socal girl, i'd put my money on her screwing you over in some form or another. i have no faith in socal.
If you have to wonder if she's playing games then she probably is
She may just be a girl who doesn't know what she wants. I don't think she's "playing games," but I would guess that she thinks she has control over both you and that other guy. She may be coming to visit you to try to decide whether to date you or him.
Is she worth the trouble to you? If so, give it your best shot when she visits. If not, make it clear to her before she visits that you just want to be friends.
Hm, tough call.
From my experience, this might be something a girl finds fun in doing. Stringing along guys and acting extremely friendly towards guys (and it may or may not be because she needs healing time from the guy she was formerly was involved with).
On the other hand, I think she's done a lot to make it clear of her intentions. She told you that she broke off ties with the other guy. And she has interest in spending her time with you, instead of her friend.
MY thoughts: she likes you and has intentions of forming a romantic relationship with you, but she's holding back a little so she won't be completely rejected until she's sure of how you feel about her too.
My advice is to not get too emotionally attached until she explicitly tells you how she feels about you.
And always follow your gut feeling, since it's usually right.
sounds like she might be interested... but it's really hard to judge since i don't know the girl personally. if i were u, i wouldn't think too much about it until the visit. i'm sure the visit will make everything clearer for u.
I would say it's a 50/50 chance of going either way. Don't let yourself get your hopes up, but be friendly with her and see where it goes. Prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that she'll just think you're friends, but be there to catch the opportunity that it's not. Don't kill it by assuming that it's not.
Honestly, if I did that...I would be trying to keep the guy interested, so if I chose him, it'd work out. If that makes sense.
Hmm, sounds kinda fishy. { ' >)~
I'm not sure what her current status is with the guy on abroad. I think she may have hidden intentions, even with her current guy "on hold." Just be careful when hanging out with her, haha. By that, I mean...be friendly if you must, but don't get TOO friendly unless her actions of wanting a relationship is justified.
You sound like someone who'd like to choose carefully of who you'd want to get with...and with her, it just sounds like she can hurt you if anything happens.
Like what other commentors have said, hang out in a group (even though I am 92% sure that it won't happen that way.) Just watch out, be careful and guard your heart.
@calamitybox@xanga - agreed....she's a hard read, and the way you right makes it all seem very uncertain...tread carefully. good luck.
i dont think she is playing game,girls want to understand guys thoroughly before jumping into a relationship.
i think she is testing you.
@AznShyKitty@xanga -
indeed, GUARD your ♥
a lot of girls hide behind "friendliness" these days
i do.
I think she considers you as a friend, but you're also in the potential zone, but she's keeping her options open. I'd look at this with caution. Don't bend over backwards for her. Just be yourself and go from there. Good luck.
no answer there.
i want to ask the same thing about guys. how do you know if they want to more "more than frds" or simply 'just' friends?
How you guys end up spending the weekend could alter whatever ending you will have with this girl.
I'd say...go with your heart and treat her right, and if she still sends you mixed signals, then pull back, because then she's probably playing you.
I think it's better to think best intentions and go for it, even if you end up falling face first, it's better than moving on in life wondering "what if..."
well I mean if she has made it known that she is gonna be with this other guy, and if your pretty sure she is or has been interested in you. She might genuinely like to be with this guy, but likes the attention she gets from you. I think she might be considering you as a second, and hey, thats not horrible, a lot of people do it. It just means that she has decided to work things out with an interest that came in her life before you, and she isnt expecting you to wait around on her, but wants to keep a friendship there so that in the case that things dont work out with her and this dude. You two have a chance. But scince she told you she is going with this other guy, thats your cue to move on, maybee keep friends and see what happens. If she gets single, hey thats kewl, but in the mean time...
be respectful that she is with someone, dont flirt as much or else there might be a problem down the line. Plus, if you stop flirting as much, and she starts to loose interest in your friendship. Ill let you know she is probably attending to you for the attention you give her.
You can be the one to decide on that factor about how you feel. I suggest you move on, keep friends, but find a girl that wants to be with you and has no second interest.
maybe.. it's hard to say...
i dunno. ive been on all four sides. girl who is interested and going to visit. girl who isnt interested and going to visit. guy who is interested in me coming to visit. guy who totally isnt interested in me and coming to visit (that was the worst). i would just be up front with her and let her know how you feel. cant hurt.
dude, you should probably just afc it and dtr verbally, that way, you both dont assume wrong things about each other
I've had a similar run by with this girl I met earlier this year. We even spent New Years together and all that mumbo jumbo. Apparently she is JUST THAT FRIENDLY.
IMO girls/women in general are hard to comprehend. Just don't think anything more of it, if you don't let your mind wander you can't really get hurt, and if she does have feelings then she'll show it somehow. But it's tough when overly friendly and hints have such a thin line hah!
Jesus christ it isn't that hard, just ASK her how she feels / TELL her how you feel so that you don't have to keep screwing around. If she likes you, she likes you and chances are she doesn't want to mess anything up on purpose. So she's a little rough around the edges, don't gossip about her with your friends before talking to her.
No use thinking beforehand. Meet with her and hopefully you'll experience it fully where you stand in her life? If by the end of it all you're still confused, just tell her what you're thinking and ask her directly.
-A^2