We've had a lot of posts about dating older guys -- what about dating younger guys? I wouldn't call myself a cougar (I leave it to my friends to call me that!) but I've had one or two crushes on boys slightly younger than I am. Is this bad?
The first guy was a junior when I was a senior. I really liked him. The problem is that he kind of looked up to me, or at least, asked me for job advice and stuff. There's nothing more unattractive in a game of seduction than a question about search engines.
Was I supposed to dumb myself down and pretend I knew less than I did? We were unfortunately also the same major, so he asked me for advice on what classes to take. I felt like he thought I was smarter than he was. I'm a pretty laid-back person, but I can't date a guy who isn't as intelligent as I am. I don't think I'm that smart -- I just need someone who is confident enough to challenge me. And who wants to date the advice giver anyway? I was beginning to feel like a guidance counselor.
If I felt so old next to someone just one year younger, how is it that so many older guys date younger girls? Do the same problems of experience and intelligence not crop up? Do guys not care as much about experience and intelligence?
So, I ask all you readers, (1) how you feel about older women dating younger men and (2) how important is it that you and your significant other share the same level of experience and intellect? Why is it that dating younger girls is perfectly okay, but dating younger guys is still a bit taboo?
Comments (75)
I don't care if there is a 20 year difference. As long as you are both legal and consenting and get along, I'm fine with it. You do need to look for compatible goals though.
honey- you're talking about a whole year of difference. yes, i know it seems like a lot when you're in school, and in some ways it is, but geez it's only a year! lol there are much more important things to worry about when choosing a guy besides his age
My husband is almost three years younger than me. He is the first and the last younger guy I have ever been with. I don't think age matters much as long as you are compatible. Maybe our age difference is too small to be a big deal, I don't know.
personally i often date younger because- in my case- older guys have used me more. and younger guys think they're extremely lucky. but only by a year, as in your case.
i think it is traditional for girls to date OLDER because girls mature faster than boys, so if they date an older guy he's probably more mature then the guys their age. just a thought.my ex was a year younger than me, and that means he's a senior in high school, while i'm a freshman in college.
he was totally not worth it... maybe other guys who are a year younger may be more mature than that, but it was just too weird to feel like i was stuck in high school again...
My bf and I are 2.5 years apart (I'm older), but it really doesn't matter most days. He started college early, and I graduated late, so we really graduated at the same time and are now both working "real" jobs. So since we are in the same phase of life, the age difference is mostly a non-issue, unless we want to make some jokes about it. :) I love him so dearly, and I don't see a younger guy when I look at him... I see *him*.
Granted if he shaved his goatee, I'd probably get arrested because he has a baby face, hehe.
I simply say "well, if the men can go younger, I can, too."
And if all else fails, I go by the rule "if they're taller than me, they're old enough."
Intelligence-level doesn't break the deal if I really like a guy and he's really just not that bright. However, it makes the deal if I'm iffy about him and he's brilliant.
I'm dating a guy that's nearly three years younger than me, but just a grade below me (he is both young for his original grade and ahead by one), and the only time I'm a little miffed by the age difference is when, for example, he's "allowed" to do less since I'm 18 and he just turned 16. Other than that, there are no age related issues. :D
I think its more about maturity, honestly.
I mean I'd have to draw the line at a 60 year old dating someone in their twenties..
Especially if its just a few years.
I dont see a problem with it.
My boyfriend is a year younger than I am,
and things are going just fabulous despite the age difference.
I think intellect is pretty important. I'm not saying they other person has to be a genius, but I certainly wouldn't date a complete idiot. I'd lose my mind.
I wouldn't say that dating someone younger than you is bad. I've dated a couple younger guys. One of the biggest problems was actually the maturity in handling the breakup, ironically.
Generally, I would say it's hard to date someone in a different stage than you are. If you're in college, it's hard to date someone in high school, mostly because of the maturity. Even if they are mature around you, chances are they have some pretty immature friends. You don't want them to change for you.
If you're dating someone in college, their world is still wrapped up in campus life, exams, and things that seem so small compared to the career world.
I think the toughest part about dating a younger guy is the difference between dating them and raising them. As women I think it's difficult to separate those two roles. You don't want to feel like their mother. That would really put a damper on things. Believe me.
I'm waiting for mine to grow up. We'll see how that goes.
I think it's not so much the age as it is the maturity factor... an older guy can be less mature, or a younger guy can be more mature... I don't have any problem with it. Unless it's some kind of really huge age gap, like a sixty-year-old woman and an 18-year-old guy... that's a little weird.
I myself am dating a guy six months and four days younger than I am. It only bothers me when I think about it, lol. But he's way more mature than I am. I guess it balances out.
well my boyfriend is a grade below me. he's only like three months younger though, and he's smarter than me hehe
but personally i don't think dating guys slightly younger is a big deal.
Personally I'm not into older guys at all. I've always been more interested in the younger guys. The intelligence and asking questions thing doesn't bother me at all, just because he asks questions does not mean that you are more intelligent.
PS About that comment that says that girls who can date younger guys must be less intelligent, that's not true at all. It's the girls who date guys that are like 20 years older that are less intelligent than their age.
I tend to be attracted to guys a couple of years younger then myself, and I always feel weird about it. I don't think there should be any weirdness, but alas there is. It's never fair going both ways in all things. Experience and intelligence must be as equal as possible. I don't think I could feel comfortable being with someone more or less experienced/intelligent then myself.
That's true. There's definitely some odd territory when there's a younger guy/older woman involved. Personally, I think this freshman is sort of 'watching' me(I'm a senior), and putting all practical reasons aside(leaving for college and whatnot), I would feel funny about being with a guy a few years younger.
I think the norm for an older guy and younger girl thing came along from 2 things:
1 - Men traditionally are dominating figures. Whether that's the case or not, in our culture it's still considered normal for a guy to have the control(even if he really doesn't ;] ), and the seniority gives them a sense of superiority.
2 - also not set in stone, women tend to be considered the ones who mature faster, so a guy a few years older generally means more maturity, which a lot of women go for. Also, this isn't necessarily true, because one of my exes was the biggest child in some ways e_e But it's a little bit of a trend.
I think ultimately it depends on the people though.
my boyfriend is 7 months younger then me but we ended up in the same grade, he's just as smart as I am and I love that, I can't date people who arent' as intellectual as me
I almost dated a woman who just happened to me half my age. But I have a different girlfriend, and still think of Ana each day.
What alot of women out there (myself included) don't seem to understand about the majority of men is that they appreciate a mature girlfriend/spouse, even when they themselves are less mature.
I have had three previous relationships, prior to the one I'm in now, and the guys were all younger than me. The first (we'll call him A)was 9 months younger, the second (B) was 3 1/2 years younger, and the third (C) was 2 1/2 years younger.
Guy A wasn't bad at all, I've known him for years and we're still good friends even after our less than smooth break up after being together for 4 1/2 years.
Guy B, being so much younger than me, was incredibly TOO young to be thinking and wanting to do the things he was thinking of. He managed to get me to do all sorts of things that I'm really not proud of, but I was depressed and starved for attention at the time and he was cute and (seemed)caring, so.... yeah. That relationship lasted about two months, if that, I figured out almost too late that all he wanted was what I could give him and it turned out that he didn't give a wit about what I wanted or how I cared.
Guy C is also a good friend of mine and is still my friend even though he was the one who was cheating on me in the relationship. Our relationship lasted about 3 1/2 months and was fine for the first 2 months, until he became rather distant and wouldn't spend as much time with me. It wasn't until after we broke up (in the beginning of this past August) that I found out from a mutual friend of ours that he'd been texting, calling and hanging out with this other girl.
My current bf is just over a year older than me and I like it that way. He's more mature, understanding, and caring than all of my ex's and I don't have to worry about him wanting me only for my body or for what I can give him. He genuinely cares about me/how I feel/what I want or don't want/what I have to say (etc), he looks forward to seeing me at college, gives me the greatest big hugs(which literally lift me off my feet sometimes), and actually skipped class on several occassions to spend more time with me.
He also came out to my house and had dinner with me and my family and survived the constant barrage from my brothers and still wants to be with me and loves my parents and family (and me too, of course, despite my quirkiness).
So, my overall opinion of dating younger guys is that it's not a good idea. At least, not unless they're in college or just out of it cause otherwise they're just far too immature and are generally (from my experiences) only thinking about one thing and how/if they can get it from you. Stick with the older guys, unless you like teaching a little puppy or if you think the guy is mature enough/right for you.
Sorry to have such a long comment, but I just wanted to put things in perspective for y'all.
It's not the age that bothers us so much as it is the maturity level. Women are supposedly as mature as men who are around 2 years older. So I suppose if you're dating someone a year younger than you, and we're generalizing, his maturity level would strike about three notches down the block. It's natural to ask people for advice, but if they get to be too dependent, that's where it gets awkward.
No problem w/ it dear! Mind/love is such an uncontrollable thing, unfortunately at times... Me personally, I don't think I could date someone more than 6 months younger than me... don't know it's just how I feel and I know it will bother me for some odd reason, and what people will think about me... I know I care too much about what others think. =/
(1) how you feel about older women dating younger men and (2) how
important is it that you and your significant other share the same
level of experience and intellect? Why is it that dating younger girls
is perfectly okay, but dating younger guys is still a bit taboo?
1) I love it! Older women ((not grandma's)) are mature, they've generally experienced more in life than women younger then them, and they're usually looking to be serious, not the typical college girl bouncing from guy to guy stage.
2) It's very important, to me, because I'm not looking for some cheap thrill. I'm looking for a relationship, someone to spend time with that I can enjoy. For that, they need to meet more criteria than just "looking fine". I think difference in age is only taboo in America. The rest of the world, no one really notices as much because no one really cares. I find that when women say "I want an older guy" She is usually a) still in her 20's b) possibly still in college c) living with her parents d) self obsessed or e) some combination of a - d
My wife is 34 and I am 25. I've always preferred older women, but I've never been closed minded about meeting youngers ones ((when I was single)). How many women claiming to want older men can *honestly* say the same?
like in the really funny movie Prime, some people say that women hit their sexual prime in their mid 30s while men hit it in their 20s, so if a woman that age were looking for an equal sexual partner, shed have to go younger...
but im not sure how accurate that theory is
i agree with what everyone else has said- it really depends on the individuals and their inner growth (maturity, intelligence, personality, etc.) i'm almost a year older than my bf and while it comes up in jokes sometimes it never bothers me nor him (also probably helps that i'm petite for my age) and about the intelligence level thing, while i major in engineering (stereotypically "smart") and he majors in something less technical, the only difference in our minds is that math works better in mine and his logic skills work WAY better in his. final conclusion: compatibility on the mental level is key!
Im a junior, and my boyfriend is only a freshman, but he is by far the best boyfriend i have ever had. he is very mature, and sweet <3