We've had a lot of posts about dating older guys -- what about dating younger guys? I wouldn't call myself a cougar (I leave it to my friends to call me that!) but I've had one or two crushes on boys slightly younger than I am. Is this bad?
The first guy was a junior when I was a senior. I really liked him. The problem is that he kind of looked up to me, or at least, asked me for job advice and stuff. There's nothing more unattractive in a game of seduction than a question about search engines.
Was I supposed to dumb myself down and pretend I knew less than I did? We were unfortunately also the same major, so he asked me for advice on what classes to take. I felt like he thought I was smarter than he was. I'm a pretty laid-back person, but I can't date a guy who isn't as intelligent as I am. I don't think I'm that smart -- I just need someone who is confident enough to challenge me. And who wants to date the advice giver anyway? I was beginning to feel like a guidance counselor.
If I felt so old next to someone just one year younger, how is it that so many older guys date younger girls? Do the same problems of experience and intelligence not crop up? Do guys not care as much about experience and intelligence?
So, I ask all you readers, (1) how you feel about older women dating younger men and (2) how important is it that you and your significant other share the same level of experience and intellect? Why is it that dating younger girls is perfectly okay, but dating younger guys is still a bit taboo?
Comments (75)
It's all about compatability. My boyfriend is 34 and I am 37. He is wise beyond his years (and mine) and more thoughtful and considerate than anyone I've ever dated in the past. I wouldn't trade him in for anyone else
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I actually prefer younger guys. I've seen it from the other side - older guys can think they know better than you and don't respect your knowledge or feelings. The younger ones have so much more respect for me as a person - and they're adorable too, not so jaded and hard to get to know. I'm about to marry a guy 7 years younger than me (33 and 26). And even larger age differences are OK if you can get them to work for you... as long as it's legal. So rob those cradles and don't feel bad! =)
It depends on the age difference. I am dating someone who is almost two years younger than I am. He is a junior in college while I graduated a year early. Therefore, I already have a full-time job and such. It makes him feel like he needs to hurry up and "catch up" to me. :/
It's very important to me that we share the same intellect and experience, at least... but I understand it can't always be. It can be a bit of a problem for me since I was pretty smart, school-wise, and he isn't, really. I'm also more willing to try things, and he won't. Also, it's kind of weird when I can go out for 21+ things, and he can't. HAH !
wow. i think i'm going to be one of the only people who says that i wouldn't date a guy younger then me. wouldn't be able to do it. it has a lot to do with maturity level and how much they have (in this case haven't) grown up. I need someone on the same level as me and younger guys aren't. at least not in college or high school. its amazing how different people can be (maturity wise) even if they're just a year apart. as nice as the guy is... i wouldn't do it.
and as for men dating younger women, well men like to be the providers, to be able to take care of women. when women are older they just end up seeming matronly.
I just turned 19 at the end of october and my guy is still 17.. but he's turning 18 in less than a week! haha
I'm 14 months older, and only 1 year ahead in school.. we don't have too many difficulties with the age difference.. the whole LDR when I went to college was tough but we got through that and I ended up going to the same school he went to anyway, so things worked out! :)
It depends on the ages. In the teens, it's kinda hard. Personally though, I tend to get along best with guys that are two to four years older. Which sounds bad, but...whatever. I'm mature for my age, apparently.
Once you're in your 20's, 30's, and older, I imagine it's much easier to date people younger than you, because a lot of people have matured and are mostly on the same level. But I don't know...
I've always dated younger guys. Not a lot younger, the largest gap was 1.5 years. I don't think I'm particularly attracted to men younger than me, I just chalk it up to chance. Or maybe I do like having the "upper hand" when it comes to life experiences/maturity etc. What would Freud say?
Anyway, eventually in those relationships the age difference did become a problem. Because it's more than an age difference, it a maturity/life experience difference, and nobody wants to hold back or dumb themselves down in that way.
The relationship I am in now, my guy is only a few months younger than me and we find ourselves on the same level with a lot of things. The only time age is an issue is because I just turned 21 and he hasn't yet. It's really no big deal, just kind of funny. In this sense it kills him that I'm older
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Men supposedly reach their sexual peak when they're about 20. Women, on the other hand, when they're in their 30's. Certainly that's nature telling us that older women dating younger men should be a-okay! ;)
Why is it only called robbing the cradle when the woman is older? Why aren't we spreading the name calling to relationships where the men are older? Have they succeeded so well in making it mainstream?
I'm just not one for dating younger guys because of their maturity level. Though, there are those few exceptions where some young guys are a lot mature than older guys.
I don't see why it would be such a taboo though, you like what you like, and as long as it not illegal such as cradle robbing way too young than I don't see the problem as far as age goes.
i always go for younger guys...i don't know why its like that, maybe my brain is wired that way...the youngest guy i was into was 2 years younger, so this topic isn't such a big deal for me
as for the experience and intellect....it's usually not an issue. i don't care if they're asking me for help or advice every once in a while, but i agree that if they keep asking every single day, it'll get old and annoying
If there's a significant age gap I find it a little...odd, regardless of the gender of the people involved. Then again, some of those relationships make the people involved very happy and fulfilled, so as long as both partners are getting what they desire out of the relationship I don't see a reason to care or let it bother me.
As for intelligence, I agree - I find that I dumb myself down when I'm dating someone who is less intelligent and I don't like that feeling. Someone can be very intelligent without being as highly educated and some highly educated people are surprisingly unintelligent.
@ninemm__anda3piecesuit@xanga - Hell yeah, same here.
i guess age is nothing but a number...but i do have my limits. i've been in both sides of the spec. when i was 14, i dated a guy that is 3 yrs older than me. being at that age it's kinda like cool to date someone older. when i was 18, in college, my bf was a sr in hs. i'm older by 4 months and 6 days, yes i've counted. i was trying to rationalize if it's right. once he turned 18, i had no doubt about it. the youngest guy i dated was exactly 11 months younger than me. he don't look it though since he was so tall. i draw the line on dating a guy that is at most a yr younger. i just dont want a jailbait, or close to one. but once i get older lets say in my 40s i prolly wouldnt mind dating a much younger guy. LOL
I think it depends on the life stage that you both are in...I mean, if you're in college and interested in a high school boy, well, that's just gross. But I think once you get into your 20s it stops being such a big deal, although I personally prefer older guys. My first boyfriend was a year younger than me, and that was a huge disaster. I wanted a relationship, he just wanted a makeout buddy. This may not be true for all guys, but I've found that the older ones tend to be more at the same maturity level that I am. And everybody knows that girls mature faster than guys!
I don't really see a problem with it, as long as maturity levels are somewhat similar.
I don't know why, but I tend to be attracted to guys that are slightly younger than me. I'm the oldest of my siblings, with a brother 2 yrs younger, and a sister 4 yrs younger. I always told myself I'd never date someone as young as my brother, and definitely not my sister, because I thought that would seem awkward.
Recently though, a guy that is in my brother's year told me he had a crush on me - and I realized the feeling was mutual. The weird thing - my brother and I attend the same university, so I thought it might seem weird to date someone that's in the same grade as him. (The way our birthdays fall though, the guy is still almost a year older than my brother.) The guy & I talked about it though, and the age difference doesn't bother either of us. We share a lot of common interests, he has some great qualities - why should I reject him just because of his age? We're still just getting to know each other, and I don't know if we'll ever end up dating seriously, but I don't see why age should be such a big deal. This is the real world, not high school. There's no reason to be that petty.
Now luckily the guys that are my sister's age are still safe, because they're under 18... but once they're legal...
Well, from personal encounter, i conclude that guys that i've met so far have maturity level of at least 3 years younger than their actual age.
So i would not date anyone younger for the plain reason that they are not mature enough.
However, if i happen to discover a mature guy that is within 1 year younger than me, i'd be fine with it.
Provided that i'm currently 20 years old. I think when i turn 27, i'd date guys that's up to 2-3 years younger if they were mature enough.
I've dated a guy two years younger than me, and crushed on two other younger guys as well (not at the same time, though). The guy I dated, although he was younger than me and two grade levels below me, he was pretty smart and was one of the few guys who acknowledged me as a superior (in terms of age, maturity, etc.) but treated me as a friend and an equal, though I still had more control over the relationship when we dated. Unlike my other younger friends, he didn't have this.."admiration" for me, I guess you could say--a lot of my younger friends treat me like a respected older sibling. He was also significantly taller than me at over 6 feet (I'm 5'2") so it was easy to forget about the age difference.
It's been a while since then, though. These days I prefer older guys for several reasons that I don't feel like mentioning here. But as far as older women dating younger men, there's no problem with that. I can't help but raise an eyebrow when the age difference is over 20 years though, regardless of whether the man or the woman is the older one in the relationship.
i'd still prefer older men
i dunno... the girl being older is just such an odd concept. there are a lot of differences. it just depends on the couple.
i would not date someone who is not on the same level as me. id go crazy bc its happened to me before and i vowed to never date a guy who isnt ever again.
Older women + younger men = WHY NOT?
I'm dating a guy 2 yrs my junior. He looks older than he really is so no one can really tell he's younger.. I'm not shy about that either.. :p
i dont see any problem with it... my exgirlfriend was 1 year older than my daughter.... difference of 18 years. it seemed ackward at first but it turned out just fine.
great blog....
jester
It doesn't bother me that much but I wouldn't necessarily follow that...younger is not bad if it's 2 years at the most but 20 years...daaaaamn yo. this goes for both men and women!
I am sooo envious of Demi Moore i am a brilliant shade of green! LOL. That being said, if they ever divorced, i would be entertaining fantasies about this delectable treat known as Ashton! Well, ok...i am, anyway. My point is, i am 50 and he is considerably younger. Would i turn him down if he ever asked me out (if i was single)? HEXXX NOO!! (Although i would then know he needed glasses...) I would even marry a guy that gorgeous, talented and funny, and that young!
That's way different than if i was 30 and he was....15! Ewwww...never mind, i'm poking my OWN mind's eye out....whether the older one is a guy and the younger one a gir, 30 & 15 just is a no-no. You just have to have some common sense, people!
Enough said!! :P