We've had a lot of posts about dating older guys -- what about dating younger guys? I wouldn't call myself a cougar (I leave it to my friends to call me that!) but I've had one or two crushes on boys slightly younger than I am. Is this bad?
The first guy was a junior when I was a senior. I really liked him. The problem is that he kind of looked up to me, or at least, asked me for job advice and stuff. There's nothing more unattractive in a game of seduction than a question about search engines.
Was I supposed to dumb myself down and pretend I knew less than I did? We were unfortunately also the same major, so he asked me for advice on what classes to take. I felt like he thought I was smarter than he was. I'm a pretty laid-back person, but I can't date a guy who isn't as intelligent as I am. I don't think I'm that smart -- I just need someone who is confident enough to challenge me. And who wants to date the advice giver anyway? I was beginning to feel like a guidance counselor.
If I felt so old next to someone just one year younger, how is it that so many older guys date younger girls? Do the same problems of experience and intelligence not crop up? Do guys not care as much about experience and intelligence?
So, I ask all you readers, (1) how you feel about older women dating younger men and (2) how important is it that you and your significant other share the same level of experience and intellect? Why is it that dating younger girls is perfectly okay, but dating younger guys is still a bit taboo?
Comments (75)
I'm dating a guy four years younger than me. And it's amazing. And no, i don't care what you think.
age ain't nothing but a number. i think that it's perfectly okay for women to have relationships with a man younger than her. as long as their maturity levels are compatible.
for me personally, intelligence/intellect is a huge factor...it's really a huge turnoff to know you're with someone who can't be on the same thinking level as you. while you're being philosophical, your significant other could be focused on material things...not a situation where two people would be compatible.
It depends on the individuals. Maturity and adaptability are the biggest factors IMO. Also it depends on where the two individuals are at in their lives and what they want. So there is not a positive yes or no answer.
doest bother me at all
For me, I want a guy whose level of intellect matches mine. And I prolly would go for a younger guy. I have in the past. And these guys are mature than I was.
American society has given rise to this myth that with women "Younger is better". It can work, but I like to find someone of a similar age group. I find that if I do, we've usually been through similar experiences.
As for intelligence and intellect, I couldn't agree more. If you have someone that makes you feel like you're smarter or dumber, then you've lost the equality. I believe that both sexes should hold an equal role in the relationship. There shouldn't be a "dominant" person. Having roughly the same level of intellect can help that one out.
Back to dating younger guys, The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman comes to mind. Most people get the image of creepy Mrs. Robinson using the guy for sex rather than a meaningful relationship. I'm not saying that a meaningful relationship can't develop, but to most people, huge age gaps just seem creepy.
i think age isn't as much of a factor when you're out of school. my hubby's 4 years older and that's perfect for me now. but if i were in 9th grade and he was in college, it woulda definitely have been weird. u can't really compare 1 year difference while you're IN school to when you're out. once you're on even playing field (both working), he'll prolly advance quicker than you. society says.
i could never get myself to go for a younger guy cuz my brother's 2 years younger and i woulda felt like i was dating his friend. gross. hehe. i find a lot of my friends who have younger bros are like that....but those that are only children and are the younger ones don't really care.
if u fall in love, that's terrific, who cares how old you are.... just be glad u found someone to fall in love with. and girls outlive guys anyway.... for the most parts.
I think that some of the previous posters summed it up nicely that dating younger comes down to balanced levels of maturity and adaptability.
As for sharing the same levels of experience and intellect, I don't think it's necessary to have had the same experiences in life, because then where's the fun in learning from what they've done? If you've both done the same things then sure you'll have a lot in common (and maybe some experiences to share again together in the future), but you may be intrigued by something he's done and want to do that as well.
With intellect, I think it's important for both people to at least be able to communicate on a similar intellectual level. It doesn't matter that they necessarily know the same things, but just that they have the capacity for intelligent debate and the understanding to reach you on or close to your own level.
The love of my life is 5 years younger than me and he is just amazing. 4 years later we are still going strong and we don't even think about our age differences and have never let that stop us.
i would date someone younger, just not too younger. they've definitley got to be as intelligent as me, and preferably more mature.
Well, my husband is 3 years younger then me and we've been married almost 4 years! I've dated both younger and older guys and I've found (personally) that younger guys tend to treat you better because they realize how lucky they are to have you. Older guys always took me for granted it seemed. Plus, younger guys are easier to train..hehe!
As far as intellect and experience go, I think you should have a general understanding of the same things, but you should also off-set each other in your weaker areas. Experience wise, when my husband and I met he was entering his senior year of high school, I was entering my junior year of college, big difference there, but he was mature and I guess I'll always be a big kid, so it worked for us.
I think two people, no matter their age or age difference just need to compliment and support eachother.
The only time I pass judgement on couples in regards to age is if the younger one looks underage. I do often wonder how the woman can put up with the guy but that's just a thought that is based off my own experience. I tried dating a younger guy once (me: 21, him: 18) and it was a horrible experience. If I met a guy younger than me and found him amazing, I'd probably try again, but my one experience was a disaster so I've happily dated older men ever sense.
,lol i dont really care.. coz i look kinda young myself..haha....but he cant be like asking me for advice and stuff!!! coz i kinda like my guy to be smarter...xD
My guy is 13 years younger than I am. He's 25, and I'm..well you do the math. This is my first "younger man" experience. I don't think I would have even considered it except that he is incredibly talented, intelligent and funny. However, I do worry about the age diff in another 10 years. While my late thirties haven't had a toll (so much) on my appearance, facts are that in a decade I will be close to 50. Will he still find me physically attractive? He says that he will. Still, I can't help but worry-- Just a little.
i think it's more acceptable for men to date younger women because it's more traditional, you know? my parents have a 7 year difference & my aunt & uncle an 11 year difference -- in both cases, the male is older. i guess that's just the way some people were raised and they pass it on to their children or whatever. but then again, in this day & age, anything can change.
I am currently involved with a younger guy. We are both in law school, and while he does ask for academic advice sometimes, I don't feel like I'm his "tutor" or "guidance counselor." He is just as intelligent as I. We took very different paths to get to where we are, and it's those differences in life experience that make it exciting to get to know each other.
As far as it being taboo to date a younger guy, it's only taboo if you think it is. You shouldn't care what other people think. If someone makes you happy, you shouldn't let something as irrelevant as age keep from pursuing it.
Hey, there is NOTHING wrong with dating younger men. Period. I mean, guys marry women 15-20 years younger than them all the time. The difference is that women are looked at as a "maternal" figure often, and for some reason, when we are older, we aren't supposed to look at a younger man and find him gorgeous. But, a man who is 50 can look at a girl who is 25 like she is some sort of sexual prey? PLEASE! If a man can date significantly younger women, a woman can date significantly younger men.
As for intellect, I mean, there is a LOT to be said for a gorgeous male body, but seriously, if I don't have something in common with you and feel like we are on the same playing fields intellectually, then I can't really do anything with you. Just me.
Also, scientifically, women typically live longer than men, so it makes more sense for women to date younger than for men to date younger.
well, my boyfriend is actually younger than me, a year and 2 days which isn't bad at all, since we're both seniors. its never really been an issue but sometimes it does come up in jokes.
It's just a number. People make a big deal out of it when really it isn't a big deal at all.
i have been attracted to a few younger guys than me, but for the most part, i like older men. my boyfriend is nine years older than me. there is just something about older men that is a huge turn on. i usually like guys who are four or five years older than me.
as long as two people get along and connect on all levels, i aint stopping anyone.
xo
dating someone a couple years younger isnt that bad. I wouldnt do it myself. I love older guys (not too old!) and the thought of getting with anyone younger makes me feel sick. (I was crushing on some guy and the moment I heard he was 4 months younger then me I stopped even thinking of him in that way).
Anyways. As long as you all can be happy there is nothing wrong. I mean, if I see some 40 yr old women with a 20 yr old guy then I might feel like vomiting but Im not gonna stop them. lol.
If they love each other then who cares.
ever since the beginning of time guys' been maturing slower than gals, that's why it seemed ok for guys to date younger women. but hey, if it's true love, who cares how old he is. but yes, it is important that the couple should be at the same wavelength emotionally and mentally, makes things easier.
it all depends on "timing" if a women was 38 dating a 33 year old it would be fine, but I'm 24 and was dating a 20 I really felt that there was a big difference there as i do think that you have to be on a similar level on intelligence and life experience, I couldn't help trying to be a mentor because I'd been through it myself, not the right kind of thing for a romantic relationship.
i guess those girls who can go out with someone younger and at a different stage in their life is either really tolerant or maybe not as intelligent as someone their age, in these cases it could work.
i am in love with a guy two years younger than me.
he behaves though.