Saturday, 29 November 2008

• Notes from A Recovering Nice Guy

  This is a guest blog submitted by DuckTapeJourneyman.

  In my previous post, I talked about the differences between Nice Guys, Jerks and Confident Guys.  Now, most guys can't be categorized strictly into one or another, but they tend to fall somewhere on this spectrum.  If you need me to explain the spectrum below, come see me after class.

  

  Now, the books I've read before try to scare your pants a new shade of brown before they tell you how to fix the situation.  I'm going to assume you want to hook up with chicks and get out of this Nice Guy trap, so I'll wait and scare you in a later post if you give up and think these steps aren't worth it. So, without further ado, here's my steps to step out of the "Nice Guy" persona and perhaps attract the opposite sex.

  Take a year to go on adventures.  "I can't take off that much time from work," you might say.  You're taking me too literally there. Take a vacation to somewhere exotic (I've been to Mexico City and Alaska in the last two years).  Go backpacking in the woods over the weekend (just don't play with the bears, Grizzly Man).  Learn a new language, try out exotic new foods or learn a new cool skill.  Remember, once you find a woman, she will want to talk.  You've got to have something interesting to talk about.  And no, the digital forests of WoW don't count for your adventure time. 

  
  

  Buy a book on comedy writing.  The number one thing women say they love about a man is how he makes her laugh.  This will definitely give you an edge. Come up with some witty commentary and test it on your friends.  They're looking out for you and will tell you if something like that will bomb or is worthy of repeating in public.

  Stop worrying about what other people think about you.  Honestly, you're the only one who thinks about that embarrassing moment in middle school gym class when you were pantsed in front of the girls' volleyball team. There are over six billion people in the world. If you stutter or say the wrong thing in front of one, there are plenty more that didn't hear it.  This is the beginning of confidence, and confidence is sexy.

  Accept that you have emotions, and allow yourself to feel them.  This is for more hardcore Nice Guys (never thought you'd see those words together, did you?).  Most Nice Guys bottle up the anger inside because someone told them it wasn't right to show that kind of emotion (often through some physical or verbal showing of force).  There are things you're supposed to get angry about, like injustice, or how crappily your favorite team is doing.  Real men can cry sometimes (but not at everything). You have to feel your emotions and maybe get a little help in how to deal with them if you need it.

  Study confident people.  Look around you and find people you admire and who seem confident.  Study them, and figure out their secrets. Maybe you can go to a bar and just watch guys pick up girls. See what works and what doesn't. If you're religious (and many Nice Guys are), study your more confident religious figures. I studied Jesus, and I was surprised to find I would call him a jerk if he wasn't the Son of God. Whoever came up with "Gentle Jesus, Meek and Mild" apparently only showed up for Easter and Christmas services, because between his life and death, he was a very passionate man.

  Face your fears.  Everybody has fears.  Let me repeat that again. Everybody has fears. It's what we do with them that determines where we fall on the spectrum. I might be afraid of asking a young lady on a date, afraid of her saying no, or afraid she'll rip off her mask and it turns out to be Ashton Kutcher yelling "You got punk'd!" But I don't let that fear rule my life. I ask the question, accept the result either way, and have fun with life. It's like a Band-Aid; the faster you pull it off, the less it hurts in the long run. And going along with that...

  Just ask her out.  Don't stew it over.  Don't look at her longingly from afar for six months. You build up fantasies in your mind, little glass castles that shatter and cut you when she finally says no. Sure, it added drama for Jim to wait so long to ask Pam out on The Office, but that's just drama. We don't need drama. We need to hurry up and dive off the diving board so we can play in the pool.

  • 6:13 PM
  • 3414 Views
  • 64 eProps
  • 34 Comments